Sad

I feel so sad. I'm sad for my daughter as I watch her struggle with no hope in sight. I raised her the best I could. I was not perfect. I made mistakes. I feel like I let her down and now she is slowly drowning in her own mess.

We both have anger issues as well as out own things to work through. There is no way we can live together and I see her struggling and probably wondering what will happen if her boyfriend leaves her. She told me a few weeks ago that she was happy to have him take care of everything for her. He supplied the car, the apartment, everything. She doesn't work, has failed out of college twice. Her student loan has come due. She took the loan knowing she wasn't going to actually take the classes. She just wanted the money.

I love her but my heart is breaking to see her screw up like this.
I'm tired, Tired of everything. I don't much care if i live or die. Life is relentless, isn't it? I thinks it sucks. Life is not all that it is made out to be. I am responsible for my own happiness but apparently I shouldn't have been given that responsibility.
I need an ending.
I have tried so hard. It just isn't working. I'm not getting better. I'm getting worse. Memories keep coming, dreams keep coming. My head is so full and there is no order anymore. I'm not even sure why I am so sad today. It is nothing and it is everything. It's like a spiritual flu....it just aches all over.