FindingKatB
Status: Life is a war, so choose your battles carefully...
Mood:
Ok
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- Wow. I am unbelievably shocked by how much pain and weakness my physical body can tolerate. It turns out that I cannot donate platelets anymore due to SYNCOPE- which is the lack of consciousness when there is a decrease in blood flow in the body. I...
- It seems as if the court date is arriving, my mind is reeling. So many emotions and traumatic memories are coming to mind all at once and it seems that I can not avoid them, no matter how hard I try. My brain has gone into dissociation mode and it...
- What I've been desiring for a long while has been for a vacation- a time to get away from it all and "decompress". I am not much to beg, but I was pleading with God to grant me my wish of a vacation. It doesn't have to be for a very long time but...
- Update: I have received a new temporary order of protection since I've last written here. The next upcoming court date will be on October 7th. Everything was pushed up. Quite honestly, I am not even sure why I am still alive. I am not sure if I can...
- It seems like it's been a while since I've written anything. So much has been happening that I haven't had the chance to breath.My first day of patrol(auxiliary) went by pretty smooth, slow start. Not a bad day at all, except when I see my cousin is...
- I am at a loss for words. I don't know what to say.Lately, I've had a hard time waking up. It's like this profound tiredness and sadness I can not explain or make it simple.I've been more depressed and more confused than ever. I have NEVER felt like...
- Last couple of days have been emotionally intense and empowering. I am overly exhausted and overwhelmed.I am amazed to say that I have earned my shield and voucher this week from my auxiliary police training. It is official. I received the most...
- So I had mentioned before, I had ran out of meds(klonopin). I got the refill the next day.Now, what I am about to mention I had mentioned briefly. I mentioned that my anniversary of my first BIG trauma was coming up. Well, today is that date.Today...
- How bad are klonopin withdrawals for a person with chronic PTSD?My prescription/dosage has ended and I don't get to see my psychiatrist til July 19. It has been hell for me since it finished. I have no idea what I am doing nor do I know how to even...
- I passed my auxiliary police training. I passed the course. Shields and vouchers will be received in mid-July. Graduation in August. I cannot believe it. Yesterday, as the last day of training and testing, it became intense due to the practicing of...
- I don't believe that it's possible for me to still be awake and not drop dead. I am not sure what I am saying nor do I know if I am making sense. The night before, I went to my physical training( self-defense) techniques for the Auxiliary Police....
- I don't know what else I can do. Specifically today. My memory is all messed up and I can barely do things the way I used to. I feel part incapable and part limited and vulnerable.As I've received support for my ongoing court trial, I have never...
- It's so close already, 5/29. I cannot believe it. This is really happening. I am absolutely breathless. My body and mind are overwhelmed. Pain has been severe. Flashbacks, avoidance, and a lot of animosity. Emotionally shaken. Scared. Ready. This is...
- Time. I've become obsessed with time and perception. Chronic, complex or just single-event ptsd have in common time being either very slow, you fast, or at standstill.I am literally tortured by how slow time has been for me. I don't know what else...
- To those who have read my posts, I thank you for your responses and support in this critical time.Today was a very emotionally-charged day with my therapist. We hit a major note on something. Hidden feelings. Something unexpectedly happened. My...