Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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I don't know what else I can do. Specifically today. My memory is all messed up and I can barely do things the way I used to. I feel part incapable and part limited and vulnerable.
As I've received support for my ongoing court trial, I have never felt so low, run down and down-out depressed. It's inevitable to avoid the unknown as I am going through my own dark patch in my life.
Today, I rode in the train to stay a few days at my aunt's place when all of a sudden, I encountered my brother's presence there. We both knew we were there, so he immediately got out of the train cart. I cried almost the whole way through. People in the train staring at me, wondering why I was crying. All I kept saying was" I am a mess, I am a fucking mess, I can't believe this is happening to me.." I couldn't stop crying. It was unbearable. I wanted to run!
Yesterday, I attended a funeral of a close friend of mine. Her father died. I did not want to go b/c of all the flashbacks it would bring of my own cousin's death. I wanted to be there for her and pay my respects to her mom and family as well, especially her. I don't know what I felt. I just knew it was difficult to be there. I was glad to be there for her and her mom.
A lot of things have happened these last couple of days and I believe wholeheartedly, I am not on this Earth. As much as I am grateful for the support I am receiving, I feel that I am completely numb and ready to fly! I don't want to walk, I want to run. I don't want to cry, I want to yell! I don't want to be here, I rather spend the rest of my days with my Heavenly father. Am I making sense? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Psalm 38.
As I've received support for my ongoing court trial, I have never felt so low, run down and down-out depressed. It's inevitable to avoid the unknown as I am going through my own dark patch in my life.
Today, I rode in the train to stay a few days at my aunt's place when all of a sudden, I encountered my brother's presence there. We both knew we were there, so he immediately got out of the train cart. I cried almost the whole way through. People in the train staring at me, wondering why I was crying. All I kept saying was" I am a mess, I am a fucking mess, I can't believe this is happening to me.." I couldn't stop crying. It was unbearable. I wanted to run!
Yesterday, I attended a funeral of a close friend of mine. Her father died. I did not want to go b/c of all the flashbacks it would bring of my own cousin's death. I wanted to be there for her and pay my respects to her mom and family as well, especially her. I don't know what I felt. I just knew it was difficult to be there. I was glad to be there for her and her mom.
A lot of things have happened these last couple of days and I believe wholeheartedly, I am not on this Earth. As much as I am grateful for the support I am receiving, I feel that I am completely numb and ready to fly! I don't want to walk, I want to run. I don't want to cry, I want to yell! I don't want to be here, I rather spend the rest of my days with my Heavenly father. Am I making sense? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Psalm 38.
Even very strong people like you are going to hit a saturation point- where "enough" is just way too much.
This is going to sound silly, but I mean it sincerely, let us know what we can do to help.
We think a lot of you here and hoping you will get some relief soon.
I do not know how, mind you. If I did I'd bottle it and sell it and be richer than Donald Trump. But sometimes you've just got to be your own hero, and you are. I know I admire you, though I know that's little help to you now in the thick of things. But were care about you, Kat, and we're pulling for you to get through to the other side of this. You're not alone, and I do not say so lightly.
Muji
I really can not think of what you can do to help, mujica and guayaba. Just the responses and support here has been more than what I expected. I am grateful for this support group. I can't stress that enough. Just keep coming around is all I can say.
I don't know what psalm 38 is. But I know God is working things out in ways you don't know yet.
Another voice of support tossed into your ring. One thing to remember is that your reaction right now is a normal reaction. And that this current situation is not permanent.
Eventually that court date will come and go, and you will proceed on with healing from there. Things will change. One day this will all be in the past floating further away from you everyday.
You are incredibly strong, even if you don't feel that way right now. You will see it in your own long term capacity for recovery.
Not sure if fantasy or whimsy helps. One time a member on here invited us all over for "virtual coffee" (which made me smile).
I propose we all stop by (as our avatars, of course), bearing take out food, and you can talk, cry, yell, scream or whatever helps, and if anyone else has an opinion on that, we will all just tell them to "go away".
Back to reality, we will keep checking in
This stuff is so tough to live with........One min i'm sort of ok, next like you crying....Life stressors make it even harder.
You make a lot of sense.But like many have said before.One baby step at a time.
I've been WAAAAAAAY down in the past and just wanted to die, too. And I felt like a failure that I couldn't even do that.
But now, I'm on the other side and I see God's miracles right here on Earth. Just the fact that you are here is a miracle. You're a survivor!!! You're a lot stronger than you know!!!
Try to celebrate with every breath that you are inhaling and exhaling and are still here for a purpose larger than yourself.
I hope my words make you feel better, even for just a moment.