Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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So I had mentioned before, I had ran out of meds(klonopin). I got the refill the next day.
Now, what I am about to mention I had mentioned briefly. I mentioned that my anniversary of my first BIG trauma was coming up. Well, today is that date.
Today marks the 2nd yr anniversary of my BIG trauma encounter with my brother. That was the day I had started to lose sleep at night because the trauma happened in the dark. Today is that day and as I sit in my room, I get this sick,twisted feeling in my gut and I just wanna throw up.
I know the crt date is coming up next month and I have never felt at my worst like I do now, but I know i have no other choice but to go forward with my choices.
I don't know what to do. The days seem so damn long and emotionally, I feel dragged and empty. It feels like it can't get any worse than this. It seems like a dark cloud. I feel numb, angry, outraged, vulnerable and weary. I can't focus on anything permanently. I know I've been told that what I am experiencing is normal, but I just don't see it that way.
I believe in the promise of Psalm 37:22-23, in where the wicked seek out to destroy the lives of the righteous, but that God won't let them or be brought to condemnation when brought to trial. I consider that word important. It is a living verse in my life.
This nightmare, this journey, this step I have taken has brought up so much pain and anguish that it has left me alone. Not alone in company, but alone in those who I thought were my friends. I am so tired and I cannot yell, even if I wanted to.
Psalm 38.
Now, what I am about to mention I had mentioned briefly. I mentioned that my anniversary of my first BIG trauma was coming up. Well, today is that date.
Today marks the 2nd yr anniversary of my BIG trauma encounter with my brother. That was the day I had started to lose sleep at night because the trauma happened in the dark. Today is that day and as I sit in my room, I get this sick,twisted feeling in my gut and I just wanna throw up.
I know the crt date is coming up next month and I have never felt at my worst like I do now, but I know i have no other choice but to go forward with my choices.
I don't know what to do. The days seem so damn long and emotionally, I feel dragged and empty. It feels like it can't get any worse than this. It seems like a dark cloud. I feel numb, angry, outraged, vulnerable and weary. I can't focus on anything permanently. I know I've been told that what I am experiencing is normal, but I just don't see it that way.
I believe in the promise of Psalm 37:22-23, in where the wicked seek out to destroy the lives of the righteous, but that God won't let them or be brought to condemnation when brought to trial. I consider that word important. It is a living verse in my life.
This nightmare, this journey, this step I have taken has brought up so much pain and anguish that it has left me alone. Not alone in company, but alone in those who I thought were my friends. I am so tired and I cannot yell, even if I wanted to.
Psalm 38.
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
meanwhile, feel free to use this thread to talk to us, do some journaling, and also try to find something good about today.
gentle hug
All I can say is take it one day and one step at a time. Try to keep yourself busy with things. Work, school, church, etc.. But keep posting and venting. We are here for you.
I give up. I have tried everything and nothing helps me...My life is a mess...One thing happens after another all I can do its pray.
Today I was at a store and I ran into this book that said "God always has a plan B"....I sure hope so...
And I believe that Psalm for many reasons that happen in my life....
All I can hope is that God won't let them because its true there are some very evil people who are out to try to destroy the good...True.
I don't have an anniversary as too many events have happened to count. One thing I try to remember is that I remember then, but I am living in the now.
Your strong you can get though.
Jen
Anniversaries. I can't predict how they'll play out for me. Sometimes I get ready, and then it turns out to be just another day. Then other times I'm rolling right along and fall into a hole all of a sudden.
Sounds like you've been spending time in reflection. That emptiness you mention is familiar. I hope putting it out here and getting an answer from those of us here helps.
The psalms help me, too, in times like these. It's amazing how much in common those old poems and prayers from 2,500 years ago have with our lives here and now in 2013. Did you ever think about how much it must have sucked for David that Saul hated him for no reason? Threw a spear at his head out of the blue and nearly killed him, just for nothing one day.
It is, as you say, good to leave it go God when people like that pull a nutty. I sure can't make sense of it.
Main thing is, we're not alone.
Going through the steps of a trial and just the need to have your secrets and attack told is hard. When they come from a brother, that effects families, polarizing on sides, even worse. Brothers are supposed to protect their sisters. As well as still having it fresh in your mind. @2 years, it's a short time for trauma and emotions. Now going in front of strangers with it. Fear of the outcome being bad either way.
What he did was wrong, if it had been anyone else, he would have killed them. You need to tell yourself the confusion and anxiety is okay. You are only asking for justice. We talk and many times here, justify our abusers behavior, because it's easier to label it and put it aside. We are here because that didn't work.
Prayer from my heart that you are strong through this. You have comfort in knowledge, you are not wrong for speaking the truth. That regardless you are fighting for you.He will be watched either way this turns out, around other vulnerable prey.
Come here often, vent, get comfort, because some of us know what it's like. I wish I was as strong at your age. Jewell
Worry less about what god will allow and more about what you can do to help your life be better on a practical level.
You might plan an anniversary memorial or take your attention away from the coming anniversary by finding a project to work on - even if it''s just baking cookies for neighbors.