Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
It seems like it's been a while since I've written anything. So much has been happening that I haven't had the chance to breath.
My first day of patrol(auxiliary) went by pretty smooth, slow start. Not a bad day at all, except when I see my cousin is recently engaged, I go to a stage of weeping/mourning.
How can it be so damn hard for me to be happy for others when I can't feel anything? It seems that ever since the case has been evolving, I've been in a stage of extreme emotions and not a balance scale to keep me steady. I questioned myself, " is all of this worth it?" " is this what it's coming down to, a judge's decision?" I mean, all this fight and not a lit of " back me up's" has me feeling like an inflated ball. Where has been my support if it hasn't been from those who are outside my immediate home? I just can't seem to get out of this cloud of gray. It's all give; no take. Everybody needs a piece of me; when can I have mine?
I seriously can't take anymore being wanted by others. I seem to hate God because I am not understandful of his love and purpose for me, when I can't seem to find my way out. I want to fly away. I want to be away. I am depleted and it seems that those closest to me don't understand that.
Can somebody please keep me up? I really am sorry that I haven't given my time to write. I could really use your prayers and words of comfort. Post as usual, that's always good to read and write to.
Psalm 38.
My first day of patrol(auxiliary) went by pretty smooth, slow start. Not a bad day at all, except when I see my cousin is recently engaged, I go to a stage of weeping/mourning.
How can it be so damn hard for me to be happy for others when I can't feel anything? It seems that ever since the case has been evolving, I've been in a stage of extreme emotions and not a balance scale to keep me steady. I questioned myself, " is all of this worth it?" " is this what it's coming down to, a judge's decision?" I mean, all this fight and not a lit of " back me up's" has me feeling like an inflated ball. Where has been my support if it hasn't been from those who are outside my immediate home? I just can't seem to get out of this cloud of gray. It's all give; no take. Everybody needs a piece of me; when can I have mine?
I seriously can't take anymore being wanted by others. I seem to hate God because I am not understandful of his love and purpose for me, when I can't seem to find my way out. I want to fly away. I want to be away. I am depleted and it seems that those closest to me don't understand that.
Can somebody please keep me up? I really am sorry that I haven't given my time to write. I could really use your prayers and words of comfort. Post as usual, that's always good to read and write to.
Psalm 38.
i gave up on being angry with god since god probably doesn't even exist.
life is hard and it's a lonely fight sometimes. but there are some of us who are fighting for you, with you and cheering you on :)
*peace*
The only thing I can say is that the harder you work, the bigger the payoff. Maybe God doesn't want to rob you of the satisfaction you will get when you finally come through this on the other side.
Hang in there.
I am there so often it's not even funny anymore. God has some explaining to do.
One of the hardest words to say is "no", because so often it failed. You are vulnerable now, take time to do something that is totally selfish, pamper you. People can be so oblivious to your needs at times the switch blows a circuit breaker, and numbness sets in. Then you travel in auto mode, because they don't see or hear your "no".
Come here often, vent, and grab support when ever it's needed, Search answers from those that have walked a similar path. There are so many here, that have learned how to rewire those connections. Or can empathize with your feelings, and numbness, Because they also lived something like it.
Hugs today for you. J.
I have high hopes, just speaking for myself, for your future because you keep moving forward regardless, like with this patrol thing. It takes too long, but it does get better down the road. Keep putting one foot in front of another, Kat. Youre good people.
Thesunstillshines- Thank you for your .02 cents of advice. I wouldn't probably reach to that conclusion of God's existence; everyone is entitled to their opinion, so I respect your words. Thank you for fighting for me.
Deli- I had not seen it that way. I've never gone through so much at once, it seems that once you are wrapped up in the whirlwind, you can't see beyond the "debris".
Jewells- Thank you for your words. I am very vulnerable right now and it just seems that I am at " auto pilot" mode. I can't even tell the things that I am doing and the energy I am given. I am doing my best to keep my head cool because it feels that at any moment, I might lose it.
Mujica- thank you for your words. I appreciate the support you bring to the table. It's funny how you mentioned how God can take it. He took so much criticism/disgrace/humiliation from others that it made it seem impossible that he could not help but say " My God my God why have you abandoned me?"
I am not used to this amount of grief and pain. I am completely distraught and off-balanced.
Long story short, thank you for the push you give me with your words of encouragement.
UPDATE: NOTHING has happened with the case yet. I can be called at any moment. It is all based on the judge's open dates and when the defense attorney is ready. There is absolutely nothing I can do and the anxiety has really messed me up. I am so anxious and tense. I've been having some crazy physical reactions, I can't stand it sometimes.