bluedragon41
Status: intensive outpatient; slow improvement.
Mood:
Ok
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- A friend of mine who has gone back and forth about being a Christianity asked me what I thought about Christianity...And I had forgotten how much pent-up hostility I had until I started writing my reply:"Yes. I once believed very devoutly and...
- Okay...whore is a word that many of our abusers have called us. I may have been called it; I just honestly don't know-most of what happened to me still isn't back yet.I certainly felt I prostituted myself for attention for a long time....The reason...
- Too many people freak me out.This is a problem, as I want to start being social again. Got any tips other than forced desensitization?It has gotten bad off and on throughout my life, and that's the only way I have found to deal with it-push myself...
- I cry myself to sleep a lot.Dunno why.Or if asleep, sometimes I wake up at 530 am and cry. Again, no telling why, just sorrow...therapist thinks this is an emotional flashback.This makes sense...Yesterday I'd chanted during my bicycle ride, five...
- Tonight I wrote an email to my wife telling her how the inside kids felt about her.I was hoping she'd stop taking my request not to shout as a personal attack.Instead I found out that the fact that I may have multiple personalities creeps her out...
- My wife shouted this morning in the middle of a sentence she was saying, as a bunch of lids fell over.I told her she had just shouted at me.She refuses to accept that she shouted at me, as to her this implies intent.Regardless of what she intended,...
- I have repressed two years of sexual abuse...And only have glimpses back...I dissociated what he did to me at night so I could wake up feeling safe, next to him.But I suspect I am going to unearth memories of me willingly seeking out sex, making the...
- Okay...this last weekend, my wife and I were waking up.I thought she was more awake than she actually was...and she was getting freaked, I did not realize how freaked out I was making her.Being (we're pretty certain) aspie, conversation is hard work...
- How do you get that?I've gotten to the point where I realize the following:-my strong urge to self-punish is VERY unproductive-my fear that I may do something any less than perfect is crippling-I'm not that bad an...ehrm, person...What they did to...
- Yesterday I was a giant ball of love.Today I got set off by something a friend said and this wave of paranoia swept over me.I started thinking things like "If I try to be friends with my neighbors, they know where I live! They might kill my...
- I find even the word "father" makes me feel dirty!I can't stand the idea of a deity resembling that bastard, it's utterly nauseating. Uck!And "God is in you," how disgusting that is!I understand how people ca draw comfort from it, yes, but...EWW-I...
- A couple of things:How many of you repressed all memories at one time?I had no memories of sexual abuse until I was 19, so I was just wondering... I know the closer someone is to you as far as trust goes, the more likely you are to repress what they...
- I said this to a friend...and maybe I got this simile from somewhere? If so, my apologies to whomever wrote it."....We get sad, angry or hurt much faster than others do, because we carry sadness, anger and hurt around with us. It's like a full glass...
- I'm @ work and being ripped open by this right now.Forgot phone or I would call someone.We all were worth, so, so much more than we ever got. I don't think I will ever not carry this pain, this profound aloneness, inside.I know it came from my...
- Well, I was having the typical flashback, annoying my wife with hysterical crying when she needed to sleep...a-gain...Have you ever seen the optical illusion where first your mind sees two faces in profile, then a wineglass?I felt like that the...