bluedragon41
Status: intensive outpatient; slow improvement.
Mood:
Ok
Offline
- I cut and hit myself last night...I have been trying not to.Letting myself do that again after being in sort of a flashback for over 24 hours...I knew my internal pain would end just as soon as I did it. I did, it did.Now I feel...pretty happy. A...
- Made love for the first time in several months....And now I want to hit myself, cut myself.I'm revolting, for ever and ever.
- ...I am not at liberty to talk about what's going on...but she's having a really rough time right now.http://www.dailystrength.org/people/1375055
- My mom divorced my dad some time ago...My brother was six...the repressed memories uncorked later...and I decided not to tell my brother so that my brother could have some vague excuse of an actual dad.Trust me it's been a vague excuse.But anyway, I...
- ...What does it feel like?...I see a lot of black whirling around the edges of my vision, feel a stabbing pain in the very top of my head, and then feel drugged or hypnotized as they talk through me in their kid-voices.I guess I've been letting the...
- I know NOW *facepalm* that an absolutely huge number of the arguments I've had with my wife have actually been because I thought something she was saying or doing was an attempt to push me around, put me down, or control me. Nope. She's just...
- I'm finding these alters...and she says she's afraid of me because she does not know who I am now.I told her now that I'm talking to them, I can defuse them, instead of them being unconscious processes that just take over-like flipping a switch and...
- Shamelessly hijacked the quote below from:http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Am-A-Child-Abuse-Survivor/2300452"We recognize that in war zones, those in command can not have sexual relations with anyone in their command because it's a form of...
- I loved her...and when I started remembering what her son had done...I did not want to tell her...and she wanted me to resume talking to my father.So in the end I ended up avoiding talking to her, even though I loved her.Then she died.I never got to...
- Pardon me if I have posted about this before...dissociation, whee!But...because of who my abuser was, I expect the people whom I allow myself to love to hurt me. I keep waiting on it, with a kind of resigned dread.My wife tells me this is not...
- This is just conjecture and suspicion at the moment...I think I had sex with dad in part because he was less violent when I did.Basically, I have discovered in the past few weeks...a part of me that was formed to...service him. Pottymouth is her...
- I never heard about that term before...(And feeling...sort of walloped at having found it)http://www.naasca.org/2011-Articles/060111-ChildSexAbuseAccommodationSyndrome.htmGood article.
- I have a friend, well...my best friend....and he's trying to fend off an addiction, as well as serious psych issues.I am having a damned hard time not hopping on the emotional roller coaster with him.He's talked me out of suicide a few times last...
- Okay...Ideal is advertised as a no-cal sweetener. I have been using a LOT of it. I have a serious love of all things sweet, and thought I was getting no calories...well, it SAID it had no calories...Well, from what I'm reading, it's 75% xylitol,...
- I seem to have found a part that was made to be what dad wanted. A part whose job it was to enjoy being sexual...I guess the creepy part is she stopped growing when the abuse ended.So I have an 8-year old in my head who wants sex.I'm feeling shame...