Incest Survivors Support Group
Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...
How do you get that?
I've gotten to the point where I realize the following:
-my strong urge to self-punish is VERY unproductive
-my fear that I may do something any less than perfect is crippling
-I'm not that bad an...ehrm, person...
What they did to us people...My best friend said..."You have to learn how to love yourself when love was the first thing they corrupted."
I was and did nothing deserving of love. The affection I got for those two years I got by having sex with my dad. By the end of those two years I was a different person...and nobody noticed.
Ironically enough at the time, I loved my parents unconditionally. I was too little to do otherwise. I loved them so, so much.
Like them I turned all the hatred on me. After all, kids are mimic machines, right? That's what they taught me to do, isn't it?
I can never feel good enough. How do you erase that? How do I learn to love myself unconditionally?
But the reason I wish I knew how...my best friend's in a psych hospital after a suicide attempt...been in two months, and he can't stop hating himself passionately.
I can see very clearly what a beautiful human being he is. He tells me I'm wonderful. But we both are not at home in our own skins, we both cannot extend the compassion we have for others...to ourselves.
How? How do I do this?
That's the wall I really need to beat my head on.
I've gotten to the point where I realize the following:
-my strong urge to self-punish is VERY unproductive
-my fear that I may do something any less than perfect is crippling
-I'm not that bad an...ehrm, person...
What they did to us people...My best friend said..."You have to learn how to love yourself when love was the first thing they corrupted."
I was and did nothing deserving of love. The affection I got for those two years I got by having sex with my dad. By the end of those two years I was a different person...and nobody noticed.
Ironically enough at the time, I loved my parents unconditionally. I was too little to do otherwise. I loved them so, so much.
Like them I turned all the hatred on me. After all, kids are mimic machines, right? That's what they taught me to do, isn't it?
I can never feel good enough. How do you erase that? How do I learn to love myself unconditionally?
But the reason I wish I knew how...my best friend's in a psych hospital after a suicide attempt...been in two months, and he can't stop hating himself passionately.
I can see very clearly what a beautiful human being he is. He tells me I'm wonderful. But we both are not at home in our own skins, we both cannot extend the compassion we have for others...to ourselves.
How? How do I do this?
That's the wall I really need to beat my head on.
One thing I struggle with a lot is being able to define and put to words what I feel...it's true...
How is it we can love others so much and hate ourselves with a passion at the same time. It doesn't last though...soon we start to treat others the way we treat ourselves.
I am beginning to like myself by breaking the cycle of self hate and punishment. I am trying to treat myself as if I like myself.
One of the things I really need is space - time and peace. I used to fill my days and hours with activity so I didn't have time to think, then I'd give myself space but feel guilty because I didn't deserve it, now the guilt is much much less. I am standing up for myself when someone does something hurtful. This tells me I am worth standing up for.
Behaving as if you like or even love yourself does eventually get the message through. Give yourself what your parents didn't - and a lot of patience.
You are worth it. Listen to your best friend, trust his judgement just as you want him to trust yours. Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself as you want someone to treat you, as you wish your parents had treated you. You are a wonderful person.
You can do it, you have to believe in yourself, because we all believe in you. You desirve to be happy. Remember that.
To me pain is an old friend, we have been through a lot together. I have to say goodbye to that old friend, though we have history, its time to focus on the future. I hope this helps you.
l know this will not sit well with others here, but it seems to be true for me. When I allow myself to hate them, to feel the fear and terror and disappointment and disgust I never allowed myself to feel, I seem to be able to set myself free to love myself more. They were wrong to hurt me because I was a loving, wonderful little girl who deserved so much more. I was an awesome kid who needed a protector and champion then. Since no one came to the rescue, I figured that ship had sailed...except the self-loathing anchored itself to me. So now I need a champion to be angry with the things they did to me because I am a valuable person who deserved more. The more I can see that and feel the ugly things I never allowed myself to feel for them, the less I blame myself and continue their legacy of putting everything negative on my shoulders. So in a nutshell, I guess hating them (even just parts of them) helps me love myself. Maybe that will help you, too.
THEN I found two inner kids...ehrm...Then one more who looked like an adult at first, but was just a kid too...
Bradshaw did NOT mention having a minivan full of kids in you head!
...I guess I kind of got derailed off of inner child work at that point...Perhaps I should try again with each one in turn...