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A friend of mine who has gone back and forth about being a Christianity asked me what I thought about Christianity...And I had forgotten how much pent-up hostility I had until I started writing my reply:
"Yes. I once believed very devoutly and prayed every night that my asthma and mental anguish would be lifted from me...I was told prayer would make it all better.
I did not get better until I was put on prozac at 16-at that time it had been on the market 2 years, and the side-effects were unknown...but what was known is I wanted to kill myself so they thought they had better do something.
Prozac 1; Jesus 0
it was that and the two Christian schools I went to...those were the most narrowminded and hateful people you can imagine. God's love my ass!
Can you tell I'm still angry?
Basically because I stopped being able to believe their nonsense...by reading the bible, of all things and thinking "This makes no sense!" I basically became shut out of the society around me and condemned by most of the people in it.
That's what it's like outside major cities in the bible belt; it's all about what church you go to.
It's gotten to the point where it literally nauseates me when I start hearing about God's love. Because I am not worthy of the love of their god. And I was told as much.
I admitted to being a Buddhist in my senior year and I was made fun of by a bunch of "Christians," who were happy I was going to burn in hell.
It's a part of the reason I'm so isolated now, and lonely, and suicidal on occasion-because I don't believe in the Guy in the sky.
Yes I resent the hell out of being told I'm not good enough for them-and I have heard that message loud and clear all my life!
For what they did to me when I was getting beat up at home by dad and desperately needed love and acceptance, and only got made fun of because I was fat and awkward and too traumatized to socialize very well...I really despise them.
I try not to show the disgust and rage I feel about this issue, but you asked, so I'm telling you. And, no, it's not about you.
It's about those people who made me so miserable at school that I'd rather go home to get beat up by dad."
"Yes. I once believed very devoutly and prayed every night that my asthma and mental anguish would be lifted from me...I was told prayer would make it all better.
I did not get better until I was put on prozac at 16-at that time it had been on the market 2 years, and the side-effects were unknown...but what was known is I wanted to kill myself so they thought they had better do something.
Prozac 1; Jesus 0
it was that and the two Christian schools I went to...those were the most narrowminded and hateful people you can imagine. God's love my ass!
Can you tell I'm still angry?
Basically because I stopped being able to believe their nonsense...by reading the bible, of all things and thinking "This makes no sense!" I basically became shut out of the society around me and condemned by most of the people in it.
That's what it's like outside major cities in the bible belt; it's all about what church you go to.
It's gotten to the point where it literally nauseates me when I start hearing about God's love. Because I am not worthy of the love of their god. And I was told as much.
I admitted to being a Buddhist in my senior year and I was made fun of by a bunch of "Christians," who were happy I was going to burn in hell.
It's a part of the reason I'm so isolated now, and lonely, and suicidal on occasion-because I don't believe in the Guy in the sky.
Yes I resent the hell out of being told I'm not good enough for them-and I have heard that message loud and clear all my life!
For what they did to me when I was getting beat up at home by dad and desperately needed love and acceptance, and only got made fun of because I was fat and awkward and too traumatized to socialize very well...I really despise them.
I try not to show the disgust and rage I feel about this issue, but you asked, so I'm telling you. And, no, it's not about you.
It's about those people who made me so miserable at school that I'd rather go home to get beat up by dad."
I pulled out of the organized church 10 years ago and have not found one I can be a part of. There is much abuse (emotional) - control, in the church. It's what the New Testatment is talking about when Jesus got on the Pharisees. They thought they were above everyone else because they were religious - and that disgusts God!
If you want to get a glimpse of a loving Jesus, read Eldredge's stuff - the book for women is called Captivating. Wild at Heart is for the men. There's one called Desire (about knowing the things that you yearn for in your heart are real and good) and getting healed up to even know what you do desie - and there's more books - but I don't remember their names.
If it weren't for God - I wouldn't still be alive. However, I've been stoned by the Christians big time over leaving my abuser husband. Much judgment - but it doesn't define who I am. When I am scared at night, I go to bed knowing God's got my back.
God is real - too many Christians are not.
And, Mandisa's got some awesome music if you want to check her out.