It's all about diet, exercise and lifestyle. I'm a 60 year old man that had ED and "cured" myself just by cleaning up my act. ED is only a symptom of something else. It is not a disease in and of itself.

First, if your husband has not been checked out by a physician, you've got to get him to do so. ED may be fallout of something much worse.

Second, if your husband has had an injury or disease that effects his ability to perform, then there may be surgical solutions, implants, etc.

But the vast majority of ED -- 70%+ -- occurs in men for whom no cause can be found. It is usually dismissed as "just getting older" or "you'll just have to deal with it" by doctors.

The answer is in nutrition, exercise, and achieving a general state of fitness. Not ripped. Not a body builder. I'm not. Never was. Will never be. But by simply eliminating the worst offenders of my diet and introducing healthier alternatives, plus getting some moderate exercise, MY lady has nothing to complain about... except there are times I'm a bit too randy. I wrote a book about my experiences. Google my name.

Hi,

I have the same problem since two years. Paul is trying very much to solve his ED problem, but effects are far from ok. I try to support him, but he tried so many pills and still we have problems with bedroom. Recently he started to think about operation, but i see it's frightening him. I also try to find a solution...

I wish I had understood how big of an issue ED is in a relationship several months ago. I have read every post--all 107 of them. I have learned so much that I never knew. I didn't know what she was going through. It was our main issue. She told me that it was not going to be a problem--she loved me and that we would find ways to have a sex life--our own ways. I felt so bad about myself that I wanted to just hide. I didn't want her to see me. My ED came from an accident I was in a few years before meeting my wife. I had gone through a time of feeling scared and disgusted with my inability to get an erection. I spent a long time feeling deeply depressed and that I would always be alone. I didn't believe anyone would want me. I remember very clearly when she realized the extent of my problem. She was lying on her side, facing me, and looking right into my eyes. She told me how much she loved me and that we would find ways to be together. She told me many times afterwards that there was more to making love than the sex part. I was hooked on the sex part. Why didn't I listen to her. Why didn't I try harder. Why why why. I hate myself for not trying harder. I can't tell you how much I hate myself. I had everything I wanted in someone. But I didn't know a lot about relationships and the role of sex in them. I had been sexually abused as a kid and for years afterward avoided relationships for the most part. I didn't have experience going into our relationship. But that wasn't even really a concern for me. I didn't need experience because I knew what to do and what felt good and it seemed natural. In my mind when I thought about it, it was natural. When the time came to act on it, I didn't do anything. Reading all of these posts, and having done a lot of researching and reading about this topic over the past couple months I see so much that I just didn't see or understand before. I hear the words of my wife (ex wife now) when I read what so many other women with bf's or husbands that have ED are going through. I also see my own behavior in the ways that their men have dealt with this issue. Lots of men downplay it. Lots of women feel personally rejected. The closeness that was once so strong fades, and fades, and eventually if you don't do something, it dies. In some cases the partners can get it back, if they are clear what their problem is and really want to face it together, meaning him facing it.
For me the problem got worse. I should have let go of the insecure feelings and understood that she loved me for who I am and just wanted to feel love with me. She tried to tell me and show me in so many ways and so many times. She was so patient. She changed her approach to sex for me. She searched for helpful 'toys' that would help me feel more comfortable. I barely used them. One I never used at all.
What could have been so wonderful and I think lasted a lifetime, our lifetime, instead died in a short time. It didn't get the attention from me that it needed. She lost interest in me is what I thought. Sometimes I think she made herself lose interest so that she could save herself from any more pain of feeling rejected. The rejection isn't only in the bedroom--it is far bigger and spreads into daily life in all ways. I felt cold and alone. She did too.
I did finally come to terms with ED and that I could in fact work with it and that it didn't need to mean that I was defective. I could let go of the embarrassment that had held me back for so long. It just seemed to happen and I felt so much better. The only thing I could do was begin with where we were at that time. A year and a few months into our relationship. But she had lost the desire to be with me and she was not able to get it back. Too much had happened. She wanted a sexual relationship as much as I did, but it didn't happen. Instead our marriage ended. Not even one year into it. A marriage that was to last a lifetime.
My advice to the men out there with ED who are embarrassed, frustrated, and confused about what to do--assure her that you know she feels rejected by you and that it must hurt very much. Then open yourself up to her, don't hide behind your own fear of not being masculine enough for her or for yourself, accept yourself and focus on her. Allow yourself to be vulnerable--she is doing the same with you and it will bring back the closeness that your relationship needs to thrive. Not merely survive, but thrive. You can make it great, so don't settle for just surviving.
My advice to the women who are with men who have ED--Help him to see that he is not alone--many men have ED and it does not mean that there is anything wrong with them as men. Let him know you feel vulnerable too. Keep learning more about ED, together, and talk about it. That's what has helped me so much. I'm reading and learning about it now, but I'm on my own. We got divorced a few days ago.

i just stumbled upon this posting and can relate to so many of you woman. My H has a liflong ED when I met him 9 years ago--we married with me knowing about this and working around it for years-I then found out just recently he has a sex addiction..

A few things I want to point out from my experience:
1)anti depressants and HBP pills effect performance
2) SEX addiction,pornography,ex marital affairs and guilt with cause,or effect ED!!! there is a separate forum for those of us whose husbands are sex addicts and also have ED
spouses of sex addicts.
HE needs to get help--therapist, SA SLA meetings.
3) I find Cialis 20mg works wonderfully,but do understand some men cant take them.
4 If your H is masturbating regularly or acting out sexually (porno-on line chats) he likely wont be able to "perform" when he is with you and it has NOTHING to do with you. It has to do with his de sensitizing himself, and messing with his brain chemistry.
The more he stays away,abstains from these other daily sex obsessions, the better he will perform with you, and perhaps you can heal your marriage.
More importantly, you need to heal yourself, regardless of what your H does. Check out our forum. spuses of sex addicts...see a therapist--go to Sanon.
5) have him completely evaluated by a urologist
6 )If the ED has nothing to do functional prob, or with Sex addiction( I thought my husbands problem had nothing to do with that for 8 years!!!) try having regular dates..so he can prepare..take whatever pills he CAN take an hour before-- he should not masturbate for at least a few days before... have him relax as much as possible because much of the problem can be emotional/anxiety.
and just let nature take its course. If he cant perform., try and be as supportive as possible until the next time.

I do feel ,however, that many men with the ED problem are hiding a sex addiction--I dont encourage spying(I TRULY dont) but that was how I found out and I am so very very glad I did.. I used webwatcher- parental monitoring... best of luck...

http://shop.ebay.com/i.html?_from=R40&_trksid=p5197.m570.l1313&_nkw=postvac&_sacat=See-All-Categories Check this out. I'm not spamming, you can check my post out... I'm new to this group but just wanted to share with you what worked for me and my wife. I have been married quite a long time and erectile dysfunction was the hardest hit to our relationship. Check out my intro to the group :) hope to get to know you all!

1. Please check to make sure that you don't have diabetes or other risk factors for heart disease. Depletion of a key molecule, called nitric oxide (NO) is a major cause of ED. This molecule gets depleted or destroyed in people with severe diabetes or heart disease.
2. Make sure that you get good sleep-sleep deprivation could affect sexual function.
3. Viagra is not the only medication; there are others.
4. A cheap alternative is L-Arginine, a simple amino acid that can be bought over the counter and could be taken in large amounts without side effects. It has other beneficial effects also; however, if you are taking any blood pressure medications, ask your doctor. Nitric oxide is synthesized by the body from L-Arginine.
5. Worries, anxieties, wandering mind, and other distractions and emotional burdens are the major nob-physical reasons for ED. Go to bed refreshed physically and mentally.
6. Avoid pollution etc as they also affect the response of the blood vessels to body synthesized nitric oxide.
7. Simple baby aspirin also improves.

I have tried these and they work!

Hi, i posted on here several months ago regarding my husband and ED. We were married in Oct 2011. He's 55, I'm 34. Since our wedding, we've only had sex..maybe 3 times. I try, but he always has an excuse..he's tired, or he ate to much or he doesn't feel good..,etc.He says that he has no interest in sex, at all. (his testosterone is ok.) I have pretty much given up trying. I don't want to live the rest of my life in a sexless marriage. To me, sex is an expression of love, so I feel unloved. He doesn't really show me any affection. Does that mean he no longer loves me?

Suffering for years in a relationship that is stymied by erectile dysfunction is a shame. In one year's time, I rid myself of ED and I'm willing to share how I did it. No pills, no expensive therapies and no new-age machinations that make the average guy feel silly. Just plain common sense -- and a little understanding of the biochemistry and anatomy of male sexual arousal.

Don't let another year pass: Visit http://ManFunction.com for more information.

I suffer from this issue at only 35. I have found a herbal product that works for me a lot. Helps me feel more comfortable about being intimate. I did not think it would work but it did. you can get a free sample here. and by free I mean free you dont even pay shipping. Try it I hope it works for you like it did for me. you can get your sample here http://www.endurnz.com/?Click=1445

DO NOT give up. ED in many cases is a result of lack of use and attention as well as poor vasodilation. The penis is a muscle that requires exercise like other muscles. If you give your man support and encouragement, you can help him overcome age related ED.
Mine started at 47 and became worse with lack of use. After my relationship disintegrated, my current spouse was patient with me being soft. After discovering an all natural, externally applied solution (i do not take prescriptions and Viagra makes you feel sick) suI had her help with the daily application. Withing 2 - 4 weeks there was a difference.
Today we can engage in passionate lovemaking for a minimu of 1/2 hour to and hour.
If he was worth it, he is still worth this last compassionate step

I am very grateful for this post. I find commonality in so many of the posts. I guess it is true...misery loves company...though in honesty...we'd all love to be in a situation where we're not in this group!

I do have times where I am 'losing myself.' I am 44 my BF is 57. It's been four years of struggles. I am sympathetic to him, and he has put in a tremendous effort to find solutions, but when he recently started to insinuate that I was 'frigid' I almost came unglued. Seriously? OMG. That really hurt!!!

ED and PE combined and it's my fault? It's hard enough not to be able to physically connect; now I can't even connect emotionally. I am at a loss.

Amen, #100!

I'm very glad to have found this forum because I have not been able to talk openly about this with anyone. My husband and I have been dealing with ED our ENTIRE marriage of 15 years. From wedding night to today it has been a constant struggle to maintain a sense of worth and desirability for both of us. We have been to several different therapists and doctors, tried hypnosis, and different medications.The only thing that works (most of the time) is Caverject. which has its own set of problems. My husband was married before w/o this problem . I have also been married before so I have experience with a normally functioning partner. The irony is not being able to finally have unasisted sex with a man I love after being with one I didn't love who had no problems in that area. I've tried to explain to my husband how important it is to me as a woman to be reassured as to my desirability when the usual things don't get a response from him. Holding hands, kissing, hugging, giving compliments when I've obviously gone to the trouble to look attractive for him are even more important now but there have been weeks where he literally never touched me. I have to constantly remind myself that he shows me that he loves me in other ways but it's not enough, I guess. I've gotten tired of always being the one to initiate since his libido is also minimal so I've told him no more sex unless he really wants it. That means long dry spells and even when he does initiate I feel he is just doing it out of guilt not real desire. That's probably why I'm starting to have problems acheiving orgasm with him now. What a mess! Thanks for letting me vent.

What angers me about my partners problem is that when we go out he looks at others with lust yet when it comes to me he don't lust after me like that. The first thing people will think is am I attractive, fat, ugly. The answer to all is NO. When I walk down the street or go anywhere I always have someone trying to push up on me. He can watch porno and lust after those filthy pigs and that's where my rage comes from. I say if the sex dry's up and he don't step it up, I'm out. I will NOT be in a miserable, sexless marriage. I mean that!!!!

What angers me about my partners problem is that when we go out he looks at others with lust yet when it comes to me he don't lust after me like that. The first thing people will think is am I attractive, fat, ugly. The answer to all is NO. When I walk down the street or go anywhere I always have someone trying to push up on me. He can watch porno and lust after those filthy pigs and that's where my rage comes from. I say if the sex dry's up and he don't step it up, I'm out. I will NOT be in a miserable, sexless marriage. I mean that!!!!