@aloneatnite, there's not much more you can do! In reading through your posts it's clear that you've tried to be as empathetic and helpful as you could possibly be. Your patience is truly admirable!

My story is a bit different, as I've struggled with ED since the beginning of my type 2 diabetes 12 years ago. I'm 60 years old now and am attacking the diabetes and ED as successfully as is possible. (with excellent results most of the time).
My wife was very supportive and enthusiastic in helping each other cope with the problems of ED. But just recently she has decided that she's not as aroused as she used to be, and has lost the desire for sex a lot of the time. This is after many years of being very glad when the ED treatments worked.
So now the shoe is on the other foot!
Keep trying if you can, but you may come to a point whereupon you'll have to make a decision to either stay or exit the relationship.

@llij65, Keep trying to reach him as much as you can! Try to make him realize that he's compromising the relationship by ignoring your needs-before permanent damage is done. And there WILL be damage done sooner or later. You may have to draw a line to get him to realize the gravity of the situation.

For me, after a decade of dealing with my ED very well, my wife has now decided that she doesn't really desire intimacy much anymore.
I'm beginning to feel your pain!

The question is, is he trying?
I work with couples who have ED, the emotional effects are by far the most devastating.

I maintain that ED is primarily a relationship issue, you can't isolate it into a penis thing. It affects the man, the woman, and their relating. Erectile function can also be traced to the emotional dynamics of a relationship... so a woman can either support or hurt her husband's erection.

Both have to be willing, and open to communication.

@janjan1 Wow, it's great to see women so supportive of their mates disorder. I also use the OQ Ring and have seen benefits from it. Tried nearly half a dozen different rings and settled on this one. Does your husband use it during intercourse? I've only been wearing it during the day and remove it beforehand. Would love to hear a woman's take.

My husband has no interest in or desire for sex. I can't tell you how much the lack of intimacy bothers me. For years I was the one to put all the energy into keeping a sex life active and now I have given up. I do not think this is an ED issue as he is able to get and maintain an erection. He has indicated that it bothers him that he comes too quickly; and maybe this is why he lost interest. There is so much more involved in the act of lovemaking then just the sex. It is embarrassing to acknowledge that my husband who loves me doesn't want me.

http://yourbrainonporn.com/erectile-dysfunction-and-porn

This may or may not apply to you but your intuition will tell you if something just doesn't feel right about what he is telling you. For starters, men are Einsteins at hiding porn.
From my experience (husband of 16 years and a boyfriend) I have heard ALL the excuses written here in this thread and come to find out the major factor with their ED was porn or masturbating too much... which also requires fantasizing. Men love the idea of variety and all he has to do is turn on the internet and the temptations are endless...and free!
Porn and masturbating are two factors that can numb him to any kind of want, or need, for intimacy. So guess what ladies... we are left feeling like there is something wrong with us. NOT! This is HIS problem, HIS choice... which he never factored his you into.
I know how hard it is not to take it personally and he will not even try to understand what you are feeling because he is so fixated on his ED (which only makes it worse). Try, if you can, to take a couple steps back. You will start to see how your weight gain, low self esteem, depression, etc. started when the excuses started or when he went limp while in the act with you. How do you not take that personally? For me... I educated myself... that is what gave me my power back. YOU are the real deal! Claim your worth and leave him to his unhealthy choices. Guess what... his new best friend Dopamine will bite him in the ass and in time he will not being able to get it up no matter what he is viewing or thinking.
Life is too short to stay caught up in HIS toxic reality. Know you are not alone in this!! There is most likely a women within a block from you suffering with the same exact issue.
You need to tell him to get professional help or else. Tell him to have his Cyber whores because your worth more then that and your not interested in being with him. Take back your beautiful self now, today. This is YOUR life too!
Dopamine (neurotransmitter and hormone released in the brain for pleasure n reward) addiction from porn is a real addiction... he needs professional help... end of story!

Well said vermontbliss!

Agree, been traveling this road for 3 years and it is likely being trapped and alone with no one to talk to and no resolution in sight.

Hello everybody ! I dont know, if my man really has this. But for sure there are some problems. I really love to make love and having sex is like loving life , right ? But since some time we have problems. I would say, the problems grew slovely bigger. Like I could never seduce my HB. He just always tould me no, or hes stomach hurts ect. ect. That took me down so bad. My selfconfidence started to shake and I was not sure , why we couldent talk about it. In fact, we do talk about it , but there is always an excuse...and I wouldent mind him taking pills or something, i mean iam not shallow, but I wish we could fix this somehow. I love him very much and I wish we could live it also sexually , i really need it

@fireangel78, it is essential that you get him to go to a urologist. This doctor can do testosterone and estradiol tests in order to help determine what his exact problem is.
If it's just a chemical problem, testosterone and arimidex can help a lot! These substances affect the libido, the sex drive.
They sure helped me in this respect! My libido is like a 25 year old's!
And I am a young 60.

And, there's lots of other treatments that are available.
Trimix injections turned me from a guy that could not get an erection, to a ferocious lover, and that is no exaggeration, as it gives me a 2 to 4 hour erection.
Sorry I am so frank about this, but there is no other way to approach this topic effectively.
Please feel free to read my other posts on this page. And, ask me anything that you need to!

going through soem isues with e d , does any one have any recomendatiosn as far as lotions or creams are concerned .

Dear Lord yes and it is so hard not to feel kinda crushed by it all, it is hard to feel like your husband doesn't desire or want you..