Greetings, all!

If only ED could be "semi". However, i do know what you mean, Tony. Hubs can get rock hard during foreplay, and the moment he moves toward me, BOOM!!! it shrinks away. I am so frustrated. Yes, we have toys. Yes, he provides oral and stimulation to me. BUT....BUT...BUT this is not intercourse! The toys can NEVER replace a real penis. Yes, you get the 'sensation' of having intercourse, but that's it. It's empty. It just gets ya off, with nothing else.

Yes, i love my hubs of 20 years. Do i want a lover? Ya ding dang right i do!! We have tried everything, nothing works. he is also bipolar and the meds zap his libido, erection, and self confidence.

I am only 48 and still very sexual. I try to figure out each day, how to deal with living the rest of my life sexless. It's depressing. Sure i can get off, but that's just one small part of sex. I feel myself slipping into a void of depression over this. Have talked to hubs previously about solutions, and he says but i do everything i can. So in other words, he can be happy living the rest of his life receiving oral delights. That's not enough for me as a woman. I know it's sometimes hard for men to understand all the emotional needs that sex has for a woman. Oh well, such is my plight in life.

Kudos, to all you men out there that keep trying and have found solutions to the ED issue. Bravo for taking care of ya woman! Yall deserve great praise and thanks.

Smoochiesss

It's an eye opener to me that a woman can be so strongly needing IC.

My wife has never ever initiated sex with me in her life. I am the driving force with regards to ideas and initiation.

If my wife is like you Honey she has not shown much sign of it. Does she have a secret craving for IC? I am not really sure to be honest. I do try but in my heart I like other things where one does not have to worry about erections. No it is not oral she as is not comfortable with that.

I am the one who brings up the ED. Her reaction is to tell me not to worry about it. If I ask her to touch me I sometimes call it ED treatment as a joke. She really seems to accept me as I am and hence my hesitance to go looking for cures I am not really sure about.

Is she really suffering underneath? I don't really know but basically we do have a very happy marriage and have had lots of wonderful sex.

Wow Tony I'm shocked that you didn't know women love sex just as much as men. One problem is that some men think that sex without penetration is just as satisfying for a women, it's not.

Just because your SO doesn't complain about what they are missing, it doesn't mean they are happy.

Some women do and some women don't like sex. i happen to love it and everything about it. Yes, to women sex includes penetration. I realize that my hubs can be totally satisfied and content with oral *(as this is kind of like being inside of me)....but i can't!

I need the whole enchilada *winks* so to speak. Things are getting really bad for me. I'm having a harder time each and every day dealing with ED. I'm trying to find new ways to fool myself into believing i can live the rest of my life without sex. But in reality i can't :(

Hence, the depression, frustration, and a whole slew of other emotions going on. I spent 2 weeks in bed curled up in a ball totally depressed. I know, i know, grow up and face the music. But you see i am a very sexual woman. I LOVE sex...NEED it, WANT it..but ED has taken that all away from me.

DAMN you ED, damn you!

I didn't say sex. I said IC. IC and ED do not mix very well. Is sex only IC? As important as that is there are other aspects for me.

I don't think the answer is to go and sleep with someone else. We are talking about peoples marriages here and surely that would be adultery.

As I said I do not know how my wife really feels but she seems happy to me. She is still very loving and can laugh and joke. I will look into this Cialis thing though although she is not pushing me and might even tell me that I don't have to do that if she knew.

I was hoping there were some wives who do not think IC is the main thing but on this thread it does seem to be the main thing.

Saucy is it the end of sex? It is certainly not for us although I will look at Cialis. If one's hubby is faithful and not doing porn etc. the marriage is not at an end. Love will always find a way. I am working through the sex ramifications but the marriage itself is still as strong as ever. I was willing to do anything she wanted but she is not asking for anything although she did ask me once to lay on her which I did and she climaxed. Fortunately I don't think she wants deep penetration. Her sensitivity seems to be more on the surface which makes it easier for me. She is not very vocal but seems to be happy to me. For me sex is in the brain and sometimes I write her a steamy story which is really us in my head. She reads them and quite often it is taken forward into reality.

She never researches or joins forums like this about ED so I don't really know how she takes it. I don't think she is making a curse out of it though.

She doesn't have to make a curse out of it Tony, that's implying it's her attitude which would make a problem out of something that would otherwise be unimportant

ED is important and ED is the curse. I can only imagine that if she really isn't too affected by it that maybe sex was something she was never really getting much enjoyment from.

NOTHING else feels like IC, it's the real deal, the main event, the star attraction.
Everything else is the opening ceremony.

ED is the firework display which is scheduled as the grand finale but the fuses don't light.
The crowd holds it's breath for the anticipated spectacular......

Only time my wife initiated sex was for baby making. All other times I got the ball rolling. But I already new she was sexually submissive.

And I know deep down she enjoys IC. Otherwise she wouldn't have made me go to the doctor to get fixed up.

I was asked if it was the end of sex. Well let me put it this way... For 2 weeks now, i have literally begged for sex. Left hints, came right out and said, dressed up in sexy lingere, dressed in regular clothes, tried with and without makeup, .... well yall get the idea. I have tried everything. So, the answer is a resounding YES! Yes, no sex is in the cards for me with hubs.

The topic has been tossed around about is penetration necessary for sex. Let's look at it this way. Humans, like other animals are geared to "reproduce." It is required that the man spill his seed, and for the woman to be penetrated so the sperm can reach. So while most men can be perfectly content with only oral and manual stimulation (they spill their seed), women love foreplay to get maximum arousal, but must have the penetration to be complete.

I feel so cheated and distraught. I want sex, i want to please and be pleased. I don't think that's too much to ask for. But only 1/2 of that is getting fulfilled

Saucy it sounds like you are not getting any type of sex and that is wrong. A husband or a wife should always respond where there is a legitimate need for sex. It is very humiliating if one has to beg for sex. That is not right.

Honey has mentioned that my wife might not like sex. Not true. She climaxes 98% of the time even with my ED and even when I do not penetrate. She has even climaxed twice when there were blankets between us when I was only cuddling her.

I do find it a pressure that IC always has to be the climax. Occasionally it is not with us. It does relieve the pressure a bit but deep down I know that IC is the central act. Perhaps I am straying a bit?

Yeah, I do climax through other stuff my partner and I do together and that's good, but it's still not as good as IC

I think this is what he doesn't get either Tony. Like you he thinks that as long as we climax any way we can that it's ok, his lady his happy and satisfied.

Cos men think climax is the goal.

I would prefer IC without climax to foreplay with climax any day (I can make myself climax perfectly well whenever I want)

My order of preference is

1. IC with climax
2. IC without climax
3. Anything else with climax, with partner there or alone with dildo looking at or reading something which turns me on
4. Non sexual intimacy, cudding etc (no disappointment involved but its not enough to sustain a relationship for me)

IC gives a woman a sense of emotional connection, security and love for her mate that men don't get, and the bonding power of the shared orgasm through IC is phenomenal. Something I've only experienced regularly with one partner in the past. My God - unforgettable! I would have walked over hot coals for that connection!

Saucy - I'm with you all the way. I understand your dilemma completely. You want sex WITH YOUR MAN. Not another man for sex. I hope things improve for you . Big hugs

Saucy and Honey,

My heart goes out to you. You're doing the right things but with stubborn husbands, it's a major roadblock.

I took IC for granted until I got ED. Now that I'm back in the saddle I savor every minute of it with the wife.

Well I am learning a few things here about IC. We have often climaxed together. I suppose if she talked more about it I would understand more, but she is very shy about talking about sex.

When all said and done she is the one I have to understand and one size does not necessarily fit all.

I will have to pray about it and see what God says.

From Honey

My order of preference is

1. IC with climax
2. IC without climax
3. Anything else with climax, with partner there or alone with dildo looking at or reading something which turns me on
4. Non sexual intimacy, cudding etc (no disappointment involved but its not enough to sustain a relationship for me)

I want to research this with other people I know and see if this is how it is with most women.

I have been with my husband for 17 years.. the last 5 years we have been suffering with ED. We have done the councling, (both and singlular) He has had all the testing done, I have held his hand and said its ok hon, We'll try again later, It happens to everyone, etc. Finally after a huge blow out he finally went and got prescribed Viagra over a year ago. It worked great!! But now he "forgets" to take it.. he's supposed to take one pill aday. I have to tell him to take one. Also, he's now at the point I have to "ask" for sex.. which most of the time he just flat out says NO..Then when he does say ok.. it has to be before a certian time, and he makes it like "oh sigh ok" I actually go upset the other night and said you know what.. don't do me any favors .. I'll do it myself!
Listen I know this has all the tell tale signs of him cheating.. and trust me normally I would agree with you.. BUT I know my husband.. He loves me like no one else. He will do anything to make me happy. Except take his darn pills! I'm literally at my wits end, I don't know what else to do... I love my husband and couldn't imagine myself without him.. but I love sex too..