Impotence & Erectile Dysfunction Support Group
Erectile dysfunction or impotence is a sexual dysfunction characterized by the inability to develop or maintain an erection of the penis for satisfactory sexual intercourse regardless of the capability of ejaculation. There are various underlying causes, such as diabetes, many of which are medically reversible. The causes may be physiological or psychological.
Are you suffering in a marriage where u r trying with your husband with erectile dysfunction? You feel like are slowly losing yourself
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My 6mo twin DD's are EBF and just started rice cereal on the first. Everything has been going fine except this morning one of them had a diaper rash (lots of redness around her anus). I read this as one of the signs of an allergy. BUT I did just buy a different brand diaper yesterday (which they have used randomly before w/no issues). Do you think its the cereal or the diaper? Im ready to start...
My hubby is in the same boat. He gets very aroused, but not a full erection. At first, i just stopped; but then i realized that he can still achieve orgasm without an erection. I will stimulate hubby with either my hand or mouth, or both. Sometimes he will have a partial erection and he will rub his penis against my breasts or genital area. There are many ways you can still make love; it's just now we have to be more creative.
Also, please make sure they go to the doctor. ED can be a symptom of many underlying illnesses.
Give me a holler if you need to talk. I'm here for ya.
Smoochiesssss
I feel like a piece of crap, I am only 36, he has ED, he doesn't care that it makes me feel so horrible and that I feel like it is all my fault. It is killing me and the relationship. He does not understand that I feel he is cheating on me if he masterbates, he takes this stupid cialis, it works for a week then quits working, quits working in the middle of sex. I feel so horrible. I love this man and he has no clue. I feel like shit ladies. SHIT.
I am so angry, I feel like it is ruining our relationship. I feel like he is cheating on me with himself (only seen this happen one time in the whole relationship). This pill was supposed to cure our ills and it isn't. It just isn't working the way it used to. He has some depression too which isn't my fault. How can he be depressed when he has me and my child that love him to pieces. I am so hurt, I can't take much more of this. I am so serious, how are we supposed to conceive if he can't make love to me the way he is supposed to. I feel like crap.
I totally understand your feelings sweetie. And will help you in whatever way i can.
First, you say you are 36, how old is your boyfriend? How long has he been depressed? Has he seen a doctor to see if there are underlying medical issues causing his ED? You mentioned he is depressed. Is he on medications for depression, blood pressure, etc?
Now for you. NEVER judge yourself on whether or not a man can achieve an erection. There is so much more than that. Yes, a healthy sexual relationship is not only a pleasure of a relationship, but is vital for bonding. BUT sex comes in many different forms, not just penetrative sex.
I have been married to the most wonderful man in the world for almost 20 years now. 10 of which WE have been fighting ED. For 3 years i went thru the exact same thing as you describe. Not feeling worthy, pretty, sexy, etc. Only after I finally opened up to my hubby, was he able to reassure me how he feels about me. He now never fails to daily tell me, show me that he feels i am the most beautiful, sexy, alluring, etc woman in the world.
If he is a young man and having ED issues, he may himself be not only feeling frustrated, embarrassed but also, he may be feeling unattractive to you.
ED takes a very serious emotional toil on both partners. However, you must open up to one other; BOTH partners. This is the only way you can move forward both emotionally and physically.
The ED pills are not the magic cure all that the media has touted. There are other options available for you. If you do a little research, you will find there are pumps/rings, injections, and implants.
Please, Bamoore, do not base your self worth on an erection. Erections in even healthy men will "let you down" at times. You are not the cause of his ED; and if he didn't care for you, would he be with you?
You mentioned you were trying to conceive. This may also be a mental factor in his ED. He may feel like he is nothing but a sperm donor.
I think the best thing to do, sweetie, is to sit down with him and have a heartfelt open conversation. Make it a neutral place and somewhere where it is only you and him.
Hugs to you sweetie and please feel free to message me if you need to talk. I have skype and we can talk there if you need to.
Best Wishes and many hugs!!
Here is the thing, ( I am a bonnie too by the way, I saw there was another Bonnie on here) also my info has not been updated so I am no longer a single mom, thank God for that! I have known him since I was twelve, I love him like I have never loved any man and I have spent much of my last twenty five years being a sexual ashtray for men, so he is a blessing in so many ways. I know that he already has 3 kids with ex wife and then another little girl who is six from a different woman, then we came together as a couple and I have a little girl who is now 5 yrs old. He wants a baby too, we lost baby in Dec because ectopic (did I already say that) so I am already feeling shitty about that as I am a big girl and that makes it harder to conceive and yes we can sex 3 times in a day and yes eventually he will climax and I will be happy but it is all the freaking trouble and heartache inbetween that is hurting me so much I do feel responsible for this on some level, I hate how it makes me feel. I sometimes feel like he does not care and thinks I am over sexed and you also asked how old he is, he is 42,
We have seen the doc and he gave us the 5mg daily cialis tablets and that worked AMAZING for like 6 days then in the middle of sex he went completely limp and I was like "omg, what just happened?" keep in mind his exwife was a total biatch and treated him like another child in the home, he has history of alcoholism and alcoholic father, however, he doesn't drink excessively anylonger. I am not so worried about if he drinks a few beers and can't keep it up, I expect that, but when he is totally just normal and cannot perform, then he says "he's tired" and then I just sit there feeling in total awe that I am a horrible jabba the hut, ugly and sluggy.... I know that sounds funny but it isn't, I feel horrible and worthless. Yes my logical brain tells me that is bullshit but still, I hate that feeling. He always tells me "I am doing the best I can..." then says "if that isn't enough then you should leave..." I don't ever mean to hurt him or make him feel small, I love him... I wish he could just understand that I feel "less than a woman, I feel incompetent as a lover" (which btw is total opposite of every relationship I have ever been in, I always excel in the bedroom so this makes me feel worse!)
SaucyWench, that is a great name
I don't know if I missed any other questions. Thanks Ladies, I needed to vent
But please please please, NEVER feel ugly, fat, etc because of his ED issues. It is something that you both have to be able to be open about and willing to work together to get thru this and come thru stronger.
Hang in there sweetie. Try maybe just having "sex" without penetration for a few times. "Relearn" the art of heavy petting and orgasm without penetration. This has helped hubby and i tremendously.
Always know, we are here for you. It does help to be able to vent and know that others feel as you do.
Take care sweetie, and try some heavy petting this weekend and see if that helps to relieve tensions and gets things back "up" to par.
Smoochiesss
I would like to ask the guys in this group who are trying actively to find a solution to their ED (with herbal treatments, pumps, rings and the like)... when did you guys get out of the "poor me" phase? How did you start accepting your condition? Were you always loving to your partners, or did you also shut down your sexuality completely? How do you feel in your relationships now?
I'm just trying to find answers for the many women here who have partners that are ignoring them and keeping their sexual desires to themselves, finding relief in masturbation, denying they have a problem, getting addicted to porn, refusing to go to a doctor and get their testosterone levels checked... Thanks, guys.
Yes, Shroob, i know that some men have a very delicate psyche and wont even accept the heavy petting. But i was just trying to tell her some of the things that we have done to help us. It's never the same for 2 different couples.
I wish more men would open up to their gals and have a serious heartfelt conversation about ED. Some may be totally surprised to find out how supportive their ladies can be, not to mention how creative they can be as well.
i am very fortunate and blessed to have my hubby. He at first went through the same feelings as some other men about ED, that he felt useless, unable to please me, unable to be a "man." So we were both hurting and neither telling the other. So one day i finally broached the subject and the wall came down and solutions cam pouring out. Some don't realize that a man can have an orgasm without having a full erection. Of course, this is not thru penetrative sex, but hand or oral stimulation.
oh and Bonnie, thanks for the compliment about my nic. My hubby gave it to me.
1.) are you left feeling sad or left out or somehow screwed over when he does not climax (I feel horrible like the sex wasn't good for him if he does not climax)
2.) have you all experienced some positions that make the ED worse? i.e. missionary position he won't lie on me but wants to sit on his knees, I end up feeling like there is no connection and just entry, like I can't kiss him etc.
3.) I have a man that does not like to kiss or be too huggy, do you guys have this same prob? I thought I read one of your hubbys is SUPER huggy and supportive by telling you that you are loved each day etc, I think if I heard those things each day I would be so happy! my life would improve greatly and i would not focus so much on the physical nature of our sex life, it would be not such a big deal to me....
Oh ladies, did I mention he has nearly lost his eyesight....? Yes, he is going blind so it is more difficult for us I think. That stupid Cialis it works a little but I can't help but BLAME him for this ED sometimes. Is that natural? I know it isn't right but sometimes I think he causes it by his constant worrying etc.
Help! I am so new to this scene and I have been feeling so isolated and then today when we were at dinner at a friends, she is married to a long time childhood pal of mine and we were talking and she told me that her husband was having some similar ED issues and I about died. I couldn't believe it! I know it is common but I had no idea that somebody so close to me would be in the same or similar boat. I was very nice and listened then wanted to jump up and down because it confirms it isn't just my man so it isn't just me... I have to tell you though, I still feel it is my fault.
Thanks guys, I really needed to vent because I feel so crappy when he doesn't "finish" - why is it hard for them to do that? I thought that was the easy part. Is there some ED component of not being able to climax I am unaware of???? That would be question number #4! lolol
You are most welcome, sweetheart! I only hope that in some way i can be helpful. ED is an insidious disease that strikes deep and hard at both both partners. The emotional effects are the absolute worst. Please, never feel inadequate. You are a wonderful lady with much to offer. Don't let ED zap your mental health. I went thru a period of almost 2 years where I let it zap my self confidence until i finally set down with hubby and had a heart to heart with him. Yes, my hubby is super wonderful. He never fails to tell me that i am the most gorgeous woman that ever walked the face of the planet, and how much he loves me everyday. Even when i'm sick with snot running down my face, he will tell me i'm so beautiful. I am indeed a most blessed woman to have this wonderful man.
Now to try to answer some of your questions:
1) Hubby sometimes has a problem climaxing. We have since learned how to get his Mr. Man to get focused and back on track. lol We use a mini vibrator and place it on the underside of the head of his penis. This usually coaxes his Mr. Man back to focusing and he will be able to climax. Sometimes, the thought of ED is running their a man's mind so much, that he can't relax and focus on the stimulation he is receiving. The brain plays a big factor in ED. Men want to be manly. It's nature. They feel that one way to be manly is to have a rock hard erection and be able to ejaculate. ED strikes fear and doubt into a man and then when they are in the middle of sex, the thoughts of "let down" run rampant thru their brain, and then of course, let down happens. Again, sweetie, this is NOT due to you. Just remember, he chose you out of all the women in the world. So you must be pretty special.
2) Positions...Any position can lead to the "let down." According to studies that i have read, missionary is usually the position that men climax the quickest in. Now, keep in mind, i'm sure this study was done with men that have no ED issues. But as far as any position causing the penis to become flaccid, i don't believe it's due to position. I believe it's simply due to the ED and the brain worrying about becoming flaccid.
3)Yes, I am the one that has the most wonderful hubby that will compliment every day. He always did tell me how much he loves me every day, but it was only after our heart to heart we had about his ED that he makes it a point to tell me daily something that is wonderful about me, and i do the same for him. This is slowly working his confidence back up, and guess what? The other nite we were just laying in bed, just talking and stroking each others face and backs, and just "little kisses/pecks," and when i reached down to stroke his penis, he was rock hard!! Patience is paying off. He was under no pressure to get an erection because we were just "loving on" each other, and he got rock hard. The first thing he said was, "See!!! I told you i've always thought you were gorgeous; now i can show you." He has been under emotional duress as well with the whole ED thing.
I have a question for you. You mentioned that you were pregnant before but had an ectopic pregnancy. Do you think, that by yall trying to conceive again, that he might be going thru some fears and stress over this? He may be worried that it will happen again, and that this time something might happen to you? I have heard when some couples are trying desperately to conceive, that the man can suffer from ED. That they begin to see themselves as nothing more than a machine to produce sperm. Yea, I know a lot of men would be happy to have the "problem" of making love every day to try to conceive, lol, but some men worry about other things and can't achieve an erection.
Also, i realize that everyone has different levels of "touchy feelyness," but have you conveyed your need for more hugs, kisses, compliments to him? Again, i was most blessed and fortunate to have a man that loves to hug, cuddle with me, and just overall believe in expressing his love to me. I realize some men think this is not "manly." But in my humble opinion, this is what makes a man manly; the ability to express his emotions/feelings.
Please, i know i have stated this before, please, please, please, don't let ED ruin your self esteem as it did to me at first and has done to so many other women. I don't know if you have done this or not, but please try to have an open, honest, and delicate conversation with your man. I opened the conversation up one night while we were watching tv in the living room, with just telling him how wonderful he is; telling him the many qualities that i find endearing and marvelous about him. Then i gradually led into the topic of how inadequate i felt which opened the door for the ED talk. We have a very special and unique relationship which made this talk that much easier. So hopefully, yall will be able to have a similar conversation and work on solutions to the ED monster.
It is natural to want to assign blame to ED. But there is no blame to assign as this is another "disease" of the body. The little blue pills are NOT a cure all for ED regardless of what the media tells us. There are many causes of ED, some mental some physical, but there is no blame. Believe me, Bonnie, I have felt much like you when ED was popped up (or would that be popped down? lol) It's natural to go thru these feelings. Just please, do not let it kill your self esteem.
We are here for you, sweetheart, and experienced the same things you are going thru. I just hope that i can help you with this. It's heart wrenching and an ego destroyer; again, for both partners. But it doesn't have to be. Communication is the key here and i hope that you and your hubby will be able to open up to one another and find solutions to help you BOTH.
If you need me, feel free to send me a private message. I'm here to help you however i can. This forum is a great place for support, and i only hope that i can give back what has been given to me here. Tight hug to you, sweetie, and love and many thoughts go out to you.
Best wishes! smoochiesssss
thanks for listening and paying attention. I don't really know how to keep this from getting worse and him not wanting to have sex at all. it is so frustrating. I don't want his self esteem to be any worse than it already has become and my frustration feeds his self esteem, I am certain of it but for me I just feel like he is ignoring my needs....
I hate it!
It is Mother's day and I wanted something from him and he got up and changed his tune and started doing something else
I'm new here but would love some support and advice from others in similar situations to me.
I'm 39 and my partner is 31. We have been dating for 7 months. From the very first time we entered into sexual activity I thought there was a problem. He was only semi hard when I was giving him oral. As time went on an we entered into a sexual relationship it was always difficult. Sometimes he wouldn't get hard and sometimes he would but couldn't maintain it.
We started using Viagra at New Years and recently he went to the doctors and she prescribed Cialis. Both work, however, he struggles with the whole concept of taking a pill in order to perform. This weekend we tried a weekend without Cialis and it was disaster and w ended up taking it yesterday afternoon. This is a new relationship and we are talking openly about the situation but it kills u both when the sex doesn't happen.
I wanted to know did their other half struggle with the concept of taking a tablet? We have just got a new prescription for Cials daily 2.5mg. Has anyone else got any reviews or experiences with it?
The only thing is the price of these drugs are expensive how will we manage long term?
I've so many questions I would like to ask?
First off, it's wonderful to hear that yall can talk openly about this issue. This is the only way that the 2 of you can get thru ED. And wtg on seeing a doc about ED. It is always important to see a doc when a man begins to experience ED as there are many underlying health issues that can cause ED.
"THE PILL" is not a cure all, as yall have found out. My hubby tried using them and he achieved minimal results but major side effects. So the risk of the pill out weighed the minimal effect it had on him. But he did not mind taking it so he could be with me. I was the one that asked him to stop taking them because the side effects were to much for him to handle when we had other options.
Now on the flip side of the coin, i have heard great success stories of using "the pills," especially the once a day ones. Now concerning the price, yes these meds can get quite expensive. I do not know your income level or whether or not you have insurance, but Lily, the manufacturer of cialis, has a patient assistance program that can help you with getting this medication. Go to the website and plug in some info and it will point you in the right direction. Here is the link for Lily http://www.lillytruassist.com/pages/AboutLillyCares.aspx
Another place that may help you with the cost of this medication is an online store called XUBEX. I have ordered many medications for myself and family members from here for a few years now. Here is their website http://www.xubex.com/Default.aspx
If you want to "talk," feel free to private message me and i will help you however i can. I also have a couple of messenger programs on my puter if you would like to talk 1 on 1. Just private message and let me know.
I am soooooooo glad to hear that BOTH of you are openly talking about ED and looking for solutions. I have a couple of other things yall can try as well if you are interested in hearing about them.
Welcome again, great to have you with us.
So far my partner does not seem to be experiencing any side effects, I hope this continues.
I just can't seem to understand why someone so young is having ED. I says he wants to have sex with me all the time and is very frustrated because he can't. I wonder if he's telling the truth. How must it feel to him to be wanting but not able? I wonder how he can say he's aroused when it's evident below that he's not. It's confusing.
On a good note, he showers me with affection and tells me he loves me all the time. He's afraid that I will leave him because of this problem and find someone more 'able' to meet my needs.
I don't like it when he says he wants to satisfy me. I want him to have sex with me cos it satires him.
Gosh, I didn't realise that ED can put such a strain on ones own emotions.
Just another question. Does it ever get better? He's given up drinking and hasn't drunk in 10 weeks to see if that would help but it hasn't. It was easy to blame the ED on the drink. Now the drink has gone there's nothing to blame. :(