should have said;
We haven't let ED stop us from being loving and close...hate those typos!

Peggsu2...thank you for sharing your thoughts...in many ways I think ED can help guys understand that there is in fact so much more to sex than penetration. In a previous post I mentioned a book I have that has helped me see ED in a whole new way--as an opportunity to increase the physical and emotional connection we can have with our partner. It's called Intimacy with Impotency by Ralph and Barbara Alterowitz. The first chapter--Impotence: An Opportunity to Revive Intimacy--helped me to see ED in a completely different way than I had previously. This quotation is a good example of the authors' perspective of ED: "Couples who have successfully built a new sex life with impotence realize that an erection is not required for good sex. They have learned to give sexual pleasure to each other in many ways, with and without medication. The process of relearning loving has revitalized their relationship, and they have found that freeing themselves from the obsession with the erection has liberated them to try new things together, be creative, and learn more about their own and their partner's sexuality. In so doing, they find they have deepened their emotional intimacy" (p. 10). I highly recommend the book to couples who are struggling with ED and how to have a really comfortable, close, and satsifying physical and emotional relationship. I think I'm going to re-read it!

Sean, yes. It is true that many men focus solely on their erection as proof of their sexual side. It has been liberating for my SO to hear (from me) that ED is not the end of intimacy.

I totally agree that Ed can open a whole new world of discovery, however the communication has to be there. I read your posts about the book(s) and I intend to order them from Amazon for some "bedtime" reading with him. I like the idea of reading to each other. It's a really safe way to open up the lines of communication. I feel fortunate to have found such a loving, special man. Together we are so much more than the label of "ED".
Thank YOU for all the positive posts!

I just got nerves breackdown and depression with high anxiety. Almoust went caput over that thing. I was tolerate with it for 7 years.

Can you talk about?

I have been suffering for 8 years while my husband has shut me out d/t his ED. I have lost myself, my friends, and my self esteam. I have become bitter and have last all hope for a normal sexual relationship. My husband has taken cialis, testosterone, and this has helped very little. At best he gets an erection and lasts less than a minute and I am left sexually frustrated and hurt. Is their any help? Will this ever get better? I have been married for 17 years and realize I wrapped my whole life around him and all I accomplished was blocking myself from the world and any attempts of having a friend or support.

Oh my gosh!!! This sounds exactly like my life!!! I"m so sorry you are going thru this. This takes a real blow to your self esteem, huh?

My husband has tried Viagra and that only helped a couple of times. Now, right in the middle of sex, he loses his erection and hops off of me. Do you know what that does to a woman? I have become bitter too!!! I'm only 45 years old and I have been so lonely for the last 10 years. I've thought of having an affair, but that seems horrible and I don't want to divorce. But what else is there to do?

I wonder if I will ever have that feeling of intimacy with someone I love again. Sad.

Have you considered one of the devices or switching meds viagra was not helpful to me either

Hi!! Yes, I have suggested devices and he absolutely refuses!

I'm seriously wondering if I can hang in there for 3 more years til my kids graduate high school and then I could divorce.

I'm sorry to hear about your frustration, ladies. Women's and men's hormonal functions are totally different, and as we approach menopause our hormones get even crazier. I don't know about you, but if I don't have sex regularly (let's say, once a week) I literally lose my mind.

It hurts like nothing else.

Personally, my life has been a roller coaster lately. My BF had a surgery to fix a varicocele a month ago. Of course, he is still recovering and sore, and not taking any Viagra, only Clomid for his infertility issue. He made an extraordinary effort to have sex with me a couple times on Valentine's and on my birthday, which was so touching I almost cried. He used to have erections every night when he was asleep, and sometimes we would have sex, or I would stimulate him orally, but not anymore. And when he does, that's not often, he masturbates and doesn't care that I'm right there, probably because he thinks I'm asleep. That makes me really sad, especially because he used to direct my hand to his erection to initiate foreplay, but now I think he feels too uncomfortable. Does any of you guys have done that? I would be very interested in knowing what are your thoughts/feelings about this.

@Usedtohavefun: that has happened to me, too. My self-esteem, like yours, is terribly affected by this, and I've also thought about having an affair just for the sake of keeping myself sane. I'm a very low key person who dresses very decently, but last week I lost my mind and went out wearing a sexy dress and stilettos, seeking attention, trying desperately to find out if I'm still attractive... that's not me, the trying-to-be-sexy or the cheater, but sometimes it's very hard for me to control my instincts.

On the other hand, I'm glad there are cases like Sean's or peggsu2's, where there's love and understanding. Reading your posts gives me hope. And I'm ordering the book, Sean.

Let's hang in there. Good thing we have each other to give/receive support and information.

Hi it sounds to me you've gone the extra mile and he is a lucky man....for me when I failed to complete sex or lost my erection...it was difficult to try again but my wife stayed the course. We started to exercise together and attend the Y. She was very slight in her touch with me but it was present and very stimulating and not demanding. That worked and today I want it more than ever. The fact she was gentle and stayed made the difference...also does he take any meds? BP or otherwise? You do a lot just stay with it you're great

My husband doesn't take any other meds and testing has shown that his problem is related to his low testosterone level. I have tried being supportive and not acting as though this was a disappointment but this is a game you can play only so long. You can be supportive but there comes a point when you are slowly losing yourself in the web that this becomes. And I sadly disagree that as "redbanana" stated that "hang in there love always prevails". If that were true I would have won this along time ago. I would have to love deeply to live this starting at the age of 27 when every other person my age was having wild sex for hours and almost nightly. I decided that the love I had for my husband was more important to me and that I would stand by him no matter what. So 8 years later I'm still in the same spot? So when will love prevail? It doesn't in that way anyways. You decide that you love your husband enough for all the other great things he has to offer or do you decide to walk because you cannot deal with the lack of intimacy? I have decided to stand by my husband because in all other ways I could not ask for a better husband but in that decision you give away a part of yourself, the dreams and hopes of the life and intimacy that you wanted and craved. "better or worse" that was the vow

A lot said and with much wisdom...perhaps something. We all need to hear.

Never give up! Love is to important to be taken over by insecurity. My boyfriend tryed with hundreds remedies that only work on the simptoms... The only things that really works are breathing, patience an VERY IMPORTANT: training pubococcygeal muscles! It works very well on me to! doubles the plasure. he needs to know that you love him! This italian man explains the exercises very clearly in his book.
http://www.amazon.it/Zen-fucking-Universal-Encyclopedia-ebook/dp/B006GEQGCU/ref=sr_1_7?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1331029723&sr=1-7

Never give up! Love is too important and rare! My boyfriend tryed with hundreds remedies that only work on the simptoms... The only things that really works are breathing, patience an VERY IMPORTANT: training pubococcygeal muscles! It works very well on me too! doubles the plasure. You must do this togheter! This italian man explains the exercises very clearly in his book.
http://www.amazon.it/Zen-fucking-Universal-Encyclopedia-ebook/dp/B006GEQGCU/ref=sr_1_7?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1331029723&sr=1-7