I have tried several different rings and sizes of rings and never got hard enough to penetrate my wife.

In reading the posts by women here and on other ED forums, it seems that pretty much the main theme of all of the posts is that they are frustrated at not being able to have intercourse sex, and a few even posted about leaving their mate because he could not perform. That was why I came up with the idea of the swingers. I couldn't do anything but at least she would be able to get something I cannot give her.

Unfortunately if my wife gets on top, she won't orgasm. The only way she can orgasm is if she masturbates. She is unable to have an orgasm if I rub her, or if I perform oral on her. But she loves both anal and vaginal IC and has come up with several suggestions which I have tried, the strap on, and tried the various dildo's we have manually and she says it just isn't the same as having a real penis inside her.

Trying to find ways to satisfy her and make her happy is driving me nuts. I have never had a problem making a woman have an orgasm before. One woman used to love to ride my leg and get off and the 4 others I have been with, I was able to do oral on them and make them have multiple orgasms, one used to gush regularly and IC with them after was awesome. I guess we are both just frustrated because nothing seems to work.

If you're not getting hard enough then it is the pump or method...once hard those rings will maintain it AND only those rings I too have used everything double pink rings has always proved to work I feel confident it will work for you....oh in my first marriage we did a lot of fooling around her friends husband didn't show but she was always present and the 3 of us would have sex.......but that marriage ended in divorce which I feel was because of our fooling around. I hope I have helped you you'll make it

I'm a woman and have been with my b/f for a year. During the entire relationship my other half has had ED. He now takes Cilias Daily and is able to get and maintain an erection and we now have a 'normal' sex life.

In answer to your question about how women feel, I cannot answer for the masses but I can tell you how it makes me feel.

My b/f is able to satisfy me in other way apart from IC but for me IC is still the most important part. Its hard to explain, but when we have IC I feel a bond between us that I don't achieve with non IC. For me IC is important but if we were unable to have pentenatrive sex (which was the case for 8 months) I didn't want to have it with anybody else. I wanted IC with my b/f cos I wanted the bond with him. With anyone else it would just be sex and thats not what what I want. I don't want sex for sex sake or to relieve frustration. I want IC to be close and bond with my b/f in a way that you can't with any other.

I love my b/f dearly, ED or no ED. We tried last month coming off Cialis daily to see if it would work without it but unfortunately it didn't work and we started back on the Cialis. My b/f will not use rings etc.

I have been married before and towards the end of our relationship I didn't want to have IC with my husband and he didn't have a problem with ED. I have therefore come to the conclusion that if you are committed to a relationship, in love and willing to go the distance then swingers etc will not make the situation better. It may even drive you apart. For me, I would rather have a sexless relationship with my b/f then be with someone else.

Of course, IC is important and I cannot play down how sad it makes me feel when we are uanble to acheive an erection. But it doesn't make me angry or frustrated - just sad.

Make sure that you continue to show her that you adore her and she rocks your world, that way, you will not lose the affection.

Gomezy I would listen to your wife. Give her the intimacy she needs regardless of ED. Getting opinions from other wives doesn't always help as everyone is different. Some men in this position finish intimacy altogether which is a big mistake. She will still need the physical closeness so just do your best. People do adjust and solutions do come within the marriage with a good imagination and perseverance.

Also listen to Ditzyjack and show your wife that you love her. Sex without relationship can be very empty. It's you she wants so don't even think about setting her up for sex outside of marriage. That could be fatal to your marriage.

HELP!!! I came across this group a while back and was both cheered and dismayed that there were so many others dealing with this issue. It took me a couple of days of reading posts and digesting all the info and emotions that I was reading and also feeling before I could post. It helped for a while by making me feel more hopeful.

My hope has faded again as nothing has changed. I am at my wits end and just feel so STUCK! I have tried talking to him about how I feel and about how he feels. I tried to be patient and understanding. I have cried, whined, begged, yelled, threatened, joked, and coddled him. NOTHING CHANGES!

I am so miserable because I don't have a marriage any more ... I have a roommate who sleeps in my bed. He used to be my hero and the love of my life. Now I don't even like looking at him. Everything he does irritates me. I don't like him and I don't like myself. I have gained 50 pounds in the last two years because why shouldn't I? It's not like anyone cares what I look like. I am ignored physically and have been for several years, so have just given up. I also am afraid to lose weight because I fear that if I did lose the weight and felt more attractive and confident that I would put myself in a position to cheat on him and I just do NOT want to do that. But I don't want to to live the rest of my life without intimacy either. I am 44, not dead.

I really fear that we are past the point of no return, but I feel like a schmuck for even thinking about leaving him over sex (even though we all know it is way more than sex). Plus we have two children and how could I do that to them? My husband is really a good man and a good father and he used to be a good husband to me, but now we are so broken that I'm not sure we can be fixed. It makes me sooooooo sad. :(

I'm sure y'all have questions like how long, why, what have we tried to fix it. This post is already really long and I am just not in the mood to go into details tonight. I really just need to vent for now. I'm scared because I know what I want to do, but I really don't want to do it, and I feel like I can't really do it because of my kids, and if I did leave him, I would miss him and what we had, but we no longer have that. It just seems so hopeless and not worthwhile anymore.

I feel like I have to either give up on him and our relationship or continue to give up on myself. I can't win. It is starting to consume my thoughts now and makes me sad on a daily basis now and I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!

You're doing the right thing now by being here...do read on and you'll see how many of us have been in similar situations. He is very fortunate to have you and we as a group need to know how we can help is it just sexual is it the relationship? Do you have a conselour? Maybe for now just read the other posts and get comfortable with us certainly you will hear from more and no doubt get more ideas. For you have made a choice and he is lucky to have you and it can only get better.

Everbody's situation is slightly different. Some men give up intimacy because they think non performance makes them half a man. Some have ED because of watching porn and the sexual drive has been diverted their like a kind of mental adultery. Some have some kind of physical ailment or are overweight. Actually I read that when one is overweight tosterone decreases. Some are just aging and have to adapt the sex they take part in.

Some wives are happy doing other stuff. Some are very IC orientated and cannot adjust to anything else.

Personally I believe if good relationship is maintained a way will be found. I don't know why it happens. With me it might be age but I wake up hard nearly every morning? Where does it go when it's time for IC?

I know it's difficult for you Krobnlori but I would say build up what you have. Get naked and cuddle etc. Who knows what can happen? To leave because of this problem can be a bit shallow when he has done nothing wrong although I do sympathise with you in what you are going through.

To elaborate, my husband is 37, I am 44. We have been married for 14 years. We have been sexually inactive for most of the last 3 years. Ouch, it hurts to even say that! His ED is pretty thorough ... every once in a while (maybe a few times a year) he is able to maintain a semi-erection for just long enough for him to ejaculate. The rest of the time, nothing, does not respond to stimuli.

It is really hard to try to pinpoint where the problem may be. He has had uncontrolled high blood pressure since childhood and has tried many meds over the years and it is still not really controlled. He also was in a car accident about 10 years ago that caused damage to his back and neck and he is in pain daily from that, although it does not slow him down or keep him from living life. He also has low testosterone and we first learned of that about 12 years ago and he was treated for a while then stopped. He has been taking shots now for the last 6 months and there is not really any change in his libido or ED.

We do not have health insurance and are a one income family, so although his doctor prescribed him viagra, we could not afford to fill the prescription, so have never tried it. My husband is very much a "manly man", tough guy, and I know it makes him feel awful that he can't perform. As I said in my earlier post, we have talked about it (it was like pulling teeth) and fought about it and tried to ignore it. None of those things have worked, obviously. :/

Now, I think we are both just so emotionally unattached and mentally afraid to even try to deal with it because of fear that it won't get better. I love my husband and intellectually I know he loves me, but I do struggle with feeling like it is my fault and I must be really unattractive to him and maybe if I lost weight or looked better then he could get excited and want to touch me. Most of me knows that isn't true, but there is still a small part of me that believes it.

I agree that me leaving him over sex (or lack of) is shallow and I feel much guilt over even thinking about it. BUT, there is the other side where it is not just sex ... there is no intimacy anymore. We used to be the couple that help hands and flirted with each other and joked around and he would chase me around the kitchen ... we used to be in love and in lust and we used to be friends. There is none of that anymore, now we are just parents to our children.

When I told him how much I missed the way we were, he said that he just doesn't know what to do, because then he was thinking with his dick and now that it doesn't think for him, he is clueless. I know he was sincere and didn't mean it to be hurtful, but it was hurtful to me ... and really sad.

So, if he refuses to take my need for intimacy seriously then what are my options? If he never gets an erection again in his life, I could live with that. I realize there are other ways to be intimate ... apparently he does not, even though I have told him. My skin literally aches to be touched. It is just so damn sad, I don't know how much longer I can do it. I am sick of begging him to touch me.

A lot of men who have ED seem to think this way Krobnlori. What I mean is "I have ED and can't get an erection I have let her down but there is nothing I can do". The attention by him is all on his lack of performance instead of on you which further pressurises and exasperates the situation. The relationship is paramount. It is very hard to feel erotic when you have self performance pressure on yourself.

I think if you can find away to remove this and show him you are happy to just get naked or whatever it will be a step forward.

Intimacy is important whatever you can do. I have the best sex when I am not under that pressure. It is then that my erection increases for some reason.

I think it work like this: Penetration is so important to me = Performance Pressure.

I haven't given up IC and my wife appreciates my efforts, where we use plenty of lube, but if I felt I had to do it I could never enjoy sex or the things we do.

You could perhaps try the tack of "Lets have some sex but you are not allowed to penetrate of have an erection". I know that this is the opposite of what you want but if it removes the pressure initially it could be the way forward.

By the way you are right. It is nothing to do with your desirability or attractiveness. The sexual desire will still be in his brain. How to get it to work is the problem.

Relax just dont linger on the ED

Im a newlwed. Married about a year and half. My husband is 30 and I just turned 28. Not only has the ED been getting more consistent over the last 3 years, but his self-esteem is low and has increasing anxiety problems. We haven't made love successfully in almost 2 months. It breaks my heart and I keep trying to stand by him and help him through, but he is falling into a hole and I can't help him.

What do you think the reason is for it Nurse?

It could be pornography or it could be a blood circulation thing, maybe through lack of fitness. Do you have any clues?

UGH...

So I too (along with several other people) are new to the whole ED thing. I've been reading this board for over 24 hours now trying to get some small glimmer of hope. I'm in my 20's.. my bf is in his late 30's and has ED, which is a pretty new thing for me.

I just found out recently that he is suffering from this, it goes without saying that we've never had IC which is really starting to bother me for obvious reasons. I'm stuck between the decision of staying and trying to work this out, or leaving. I haven't left yet because I adore him as a person. IC isn't the more important aspect of a relationship, but it's petty significant for me.

My question... is it wrong for me to ask him to try all of these things (meds, pump, injections, etc) because he is so humiliated by the whole situation? I know it's the depression medication he is on, but where do I start as far as making any sort of suggestion for him??

I am with someone who is in their late forties and he didn't understand that he had Ed for many years. It will last may e a minute ,or less. It can get a little frustrating but it's just not something I would take personal. He feels bad about it already and I don't think it would help to put too much pressure on him about it. If he were cheating or masturbating a lot , it would piss me off. I should put it this way, I don't know if he is or not.
Don't mess up your life with someone you love over this. There are things for women to use,for satisfaction. Try some of them. Just a different perspective.