First of all you're not a bad wife you're seeking help...that makes you super. Do you have a third party both of you trust? Are you real direct in your questions? What pleases him has he told you?

Lord if he even knew I was posting here it would be the end of the world. We went to counseling but I was told it was my weight that hurt because he was supposed to love me regardless. I've lost the weight but still expects to live in a sexless marriage.

I'm direct, beg, cry I've done everything. Right now getting a hug from him is like being patted by the next door neighbors dog.

So are you still in counseling?

No it didn't work after going twice. I'm not going to waste my time, he doesn't listen and only saw that my weight was an issue. Now that the weight is gone guess what he still has ed.

I wish for our family we didn't have so much invested I would be out of the door so tired of waiting for my man to know how important sex is to me.

So what is the next step? I quit for a year and now I am twice a week and wish for more..has he done this before?

How can men manage to avoid issues so completely? I wish I could do it!
My partner puts his ED down to getting older as no medical reason's been found for it, and while I get so upset and disappointed at him losing his erection after a minute or 2 every time that I sometimes actually break down and cry, he's able to accept the whole thing as a fact of life and calls himself Mr Self Control, and just flicks a switch and goes off to plant vegetables or something similar!
Neat trick - teach me, Mr No Feelings!!!!!!

We really don't avoid..it is that unable to finish is difficult so why try if you're sure it will be a failure. No matter what happens the plan is twice a week and it usually works

He's keen to try a lot of the time, at least 3 times a week - he just seems able to accept satisfaction through other things than intercourse as enough.

He says he misses lasting longer but seems able to accept he can't.

What I miss is him coming on to me, it seems very important to him that I want him. But sometimes I just want to be TAKEN!

Dear Toolong2:
I know exactly how you feel....sad to say. I've been with my husband for 22 years and married for 14. And it's been 14 years since we've had sex. No, I'm not kidding! He's 67 and I'm 58. If anyone had told me that I'd be living like this, I would have said they are crazy. Growing up in the 60's and 70's, to me sex was always beautiful, natural and really the glue that holds the relationship together. To say I'm totally unglued right now is an understatement.

Yes, he takes meds....high blood pressure, insuling, protrate, etc. I'm sure that hinders his ability to sustain an erection, however I really wouldn't know because the last time we tried was 14 years ago. And he thinks oral sex is disgusting, if you can believe that. I'm an attractive woman and hardly look my age and I find his attitude impossible to understand. I've talked to him, gently and not so gently. I've tried everything I know. He will not go to counseling and will not try anything at all. Basically he's made the decision that sex does not exist....for either of us. I'm really thinking that perhpas he's asexual.

What's really hard to take is that he says I'm the love of his life. It's not that I don't have feelings for him because I do. It's hard not to feel something for a person you've been with for more than 20 years. However the level of anger and resentment I feel towards him overshadows everything else. I don't know how much more I can take. We didn't even have sex on our honeymoon 14 years ago. It's really heartbreaking when you think about it and frankly, I'm at the end of my rope.

I did have a long term affair 10 years ago, after living like a nun for more than 4 years. It lasted a few years and then I had to end it because he got way too demanding. I'm quite sure my husband knew somethong was going on and actually seemed relieved that I wasn't bothering him for sex. That was so hurtful. Well, I'm older now and having an affair is not the road for me to take any longer. And what makes things so much worse is that we absolutely lead separate lives, spending a minimal amount of time together. Basically just roommates.

I really can't believe this is my life.

Sorry for carrying on here, but I just needed to be heard and understood.

Any feedback would be most welcome, since I've really received none at all on this thread and that is also disappointing.

Thanks!

I don't have a reply I only have a comment. And I'm a little forward on my views. My observation is that your blaming your husband for the ED, and you're not getting satisfied, and having a hard time with it . But sometimes we have to forget about that total exotic climax. Some cases, this is a thing of the past, and you have to accept it. We have to go back to the basics of just loving, cuddling, and being attended to your partner and vice a versa. There is nothing like intercourse foreplay but you're going to have to except something less and enjoy it and learn to enjoy it. I can get personal about what to do, but instead tell your husband what he can do to satisfy you. But on the other hand, think about how you can satisfy him. And there are ways. Even with ED.
Take care people

DOES ANYONE HERE KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT INPLANTS FOR MEN? AND DOES ANY MAN HERE HAVE ONE , IF SO HOW DO YOU LIKE IT & WAS THERE MUCH PAIN IN HAVING IT DONE?
TEDDYU.S.A. 6/13/11 MONDAY

Thanks Joe
We do all that other stuff I assume you're referring to and we do satisfy each other in ways other than intercourse but it's just NOT AS GOOD!
The question I was asking is HOW do I accept it? That's what I meant when I said he's got incredible self-control and the ability to accept what's available.
But I'm beginning to suspect that his ED isn't completely age related, but is more psychological and a way of preventing our relationship from getting closer as he has committment issues so do I , so no sweat - but I didn't realise the sex would be compromised so much

I am new to this site and please I need some advice. I have been with my husband for 18 years. I am 37, he is 41. One day two years ago, he started having problems with an erection. Out of the blue. Everything was fine until that day. After months of trying to figure out what the issue was he went to his PCP. Then came the free sample of Cialis while he under went all kinds of tests ( high blood pressure, diabetes). All that was resolved is he has slightly high blood pressure. No other physical reason for the ED. By this time we had to then purchase the Cialis-which our insurance doesn't cover .......140.00 for 7 pills which are to be taking daily. Who can afford that?? We cannot.. Then came the doctors advice to see a marriage counseling to help possibly if that was the problem. We were under a lot of stress. But the ED was the cause of the stress. Ironic...That made no headway. So now Im in a no sex relationship unless we happen to have a little extra money for the pills. Then it feels like we HAVE to have sex or its a waste of the money and pills. Im so confused, lonely, angry and frustrated. We tried dress up, toys, just touching, but I dont really feel close to him as before. And now, I am at the point where why should I let myself get aroused when I know I cannot make love to my husband. I know it shouldn't be just about sex, but I LOVE making love to my husband. Now it alot of arguing about it. He always wants me to understand what he is going through. What about what I am going through? There just seems to be no resolution to this. Please help.

I used to suffer a great deal ED and separated with my wife because of this. 3 years of hopeless loops to find what was wrong with me until finally I found I had sexual exhaustion. I was treated by a specialist on this topic(won't say who) but he made miracles and I'm aaalmost back to who I was in my early 20s.

My hubby's issue is not so much with ED but no libido. Not "low" libido but actually none at all. I assume he is going thru andropause but he is very young for this. Just 43. It's VERY frustrating for me as well because I take it personally most of the time. He says he is just no longer interested at all. (ever) So what am I to do? Anyone else dealing with a spouse with no libido at all?