Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
So, My wife a month ago asked for seperation, i was stunned and crushed... We have still gone to therapy and over the last few weeks she has finally opened up to what she felt as issues. Loss of passion and feeling under my thumb... I started to do some sole searching and research online... Ive discovered a common problem, and one that i believe is text book our issue. 3 years ago we had our first child, life was amazing and our shared focus on our daughter was bliss... Surprise was my second child only 16 months later and in short time frame our world was turned upside down with 2 young kids. We both focused on them and lost sigh of each other. We didn't put anytime in to focus on us, and sex became quick when we had time and routine. ALone time and dates were rare and over time it erroded the perfect marriage we had. For my wife, well she is shutdown, and feels that she tried telling me things were lacking, I dont know if I just didn't hear it, or she didn't explain it right, but there was a miss communication regardless and now she is shut down and im desperate to save our marriage. Our last therapy session i mentioned some of this.. I said rightfully so, we had kids and focused on them and lost sigh of each other. All we need is time and refocus a little of it on us and we can easily restore the wonderful marriage we had. She doesn't seem so sure... Any suggestions on how i can proceed? I know I can't force her, but i wish there was a way i can prove to her things can and will be better. Im commited more then ever to never let this happen again, but i can't do it unless she is willing.
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I'm feeling down,, and got alot on my mind right now. I got grief going on, on top my depression and anxiety and now I got to worry about somewhere to live since I can't afford living here since my mom passed. So many bad things have happened since my mom passed. One thing after another it seems. Yesterday our fence fell from a storm that hit, had to call someone to prop it up. Thank...
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My day...today...misplaced my debit card...didn't realize it until I got to the register after shopping to a full cart. Used a different debit card and pulled apart everything looking for missing debit card before I left parking lot. Got home, dropped keys. So now I have a missing debit card, missing keys. A full cartload to unload and put away. I got everything put away.Dumped purse for a...
I encourage you to think of your wonderful daughter and give thanks for her.
If/when thoughts of your wife or the future you thought you'd have creep in, don't embrace those, but rather list things you are thankful for.
I find this exercise helps me, if I fully commit to it. Don't feed on the negative, embrace all the joy that your daughter brings you, and fill yourself up with gratitude for what you DO have.
It will get better in time, if you feed the positive rather than the negative.
(((((HUGS)))))
The heart is rarely logical. She knows all the facts, but her heart doesn't want you. She can't help feeling like that & should not be forced to live a lie
Most likely that her family are pandering to your self-pity & simply telling you what you want to hear. If they're a decent family they'll be loving & supporting their daughter & grandchildren unconditionally. My ex-husband's family did that when he left me... they were angry & ashamed of him, but they had to stick by him. Of course it hurt me at the time, but in hindsight that's what good parents do. They love their children unconditionally.
You need to start thinking about the future & how to make this situation bearable. Distract yourself with the reality & practicalities of being a great father rather than wallowing in the past. Your kids need you now more than ever.
Second-guessing will only tear you apart more, and you need to be building your strength now, for your healing and for your children.
We all second-guess to a degree. If only I had....fill in the blank. I look back at the things my Ex tells me I did wrong, many of them 10 years ago and I am just hearing about them now, and I strive to learn from what I can, but mostly I know if it wasn't "that thing," it would have been another. There was always some way I didn't measure up, and it kept shifting. Asking for more information or details only leads to more pain.
It is time for you to transition to healing, and to leave the self-pity pit behind. You've been stuck there too long now and your children need you.
Your stbx may or may not even know what is driving her actions. There may be another man, and you may be fooling yourself, or it may be something about her that has nothing at all to do with you. The best advice I can give is don't keep pushing for answers, and be kind to yourself. Know you did your best, and leave it at that.
I am not blaming you or your ex. I am NOT trying to be mean. Hopefully this will help you in the future.
However on your original post, you state your wife said she tried to tell you.
Over the last months a lot of good advice you have received has gone unheeded.
I have felt I have been dismissed by you numerous times.
I really feel like you need to learn to listen----really listen to what other people say and feel.
This brings up your daughters birthday and the celebration should have been only focused on HER by you.
I do wish you the best, but please try and think how your words or actions may make your kids feel.