does your family still talk to her? what have they said about this ?

where are you in the divorce process have you met with a lawyer yet? was this your first major relationship? have you been in love prior to meeting you wife ? how did you handle other breakups? just wanted some more background info thanks , I hope you are doing okay today

My family hasn't talked to her much recently. They are devastated as they lost a sister a daughter and niece. They love her and don't understand any of it. My wife has reached out to my sister a few times and stated that she hopes they can maintain a relationship. That she loves her and know it's hard. I spoke with a lawyer but neither of us have filed. Nor have we talked much about it other then she wants one. I've never loved anyone like I love her. I've had lengthy relationships before her but nobody that ever made me feel like she has. I am completly in love with her. She just picked up the kids and watching her leave with them is just crushing. My everything was her and my kids and it's just all gone. I'd really do anything to have it all back.

Yeah we al felt the same way. Time to move on. Eventually your life will be fine if not better. No sense hanging out with someone who wants you out of their life. That's just pain on top of pain. And stop letting her rub your back for comfort...as said many times the one who destroys you cannot give you comfort. You have to work at it.

What worries me for you is that someday she will possibly start seeing someone else. At some point she will begin to date and if you are still in the pain you are in today I have no idea what that will do to you. I think you have to work towards building some strength somehow to prepare for that day or it will crush you even more then you feel right now. I think there is an added pain that comes from the person you love with someone else. Jealousy, betrayal, extreme anger, disgust, severe pain are all things you may feel and added on to the level of sadness you already feel could possibly just set you over the edge. It is important to build towards acceptance because this process is still not over and it may take time but stalling too long in one phase wont be good for you. I think you are still putting her on this pedestal and that is why her leaving feels more devastating. I know you love her but you are only looking at the good qualities she had and using those as to why this is such a loss. Look at things from her bad and good points and take her off that high horse/pedestal

It is good that you two can talk about your children and have come to some sort of agreement on co-parenting and child support amicably. My only suggestion is, very honestly, get it in writing, esp about the child support. My ex and I agreed on the amount of support (very minimal since we each have her 50/50, but I am the one who pays for all the necessities-clothes, school supplies, etc). I have seen many people going through divorce, where in the early conversations, it was agreed that there would be no support or a minimal, then as the divorce proceeds, and things get messy, or other family members start pushing, and then someone renigs. Get something in writing that you both sign. It wouldn't hold up in court, but it would be something to show her if she suddenly changes her mind. JMHO.

Is it remotely possible she left you because she felt overwhelmed by you? Suffocated? Smothered? Trapped? Unable to get enough space from you to breathe?

You should read all your posts and how you chose to ignore the advice from the people here and how you decided to NOT respect her repeated requests for space and time away.

Just a thought.

You're not the first & won't be the last to go through this.

Don't you realise most of us have been in your shoes? You don't just lose a spouse you lose your in-laws too. It is heartbreaking! It is! I've been there too. Every emotion you're experiencing is perfectly normal at this time. Why can't you accept that? Accept the pain & loss you're feeling. Embrace it. Cry every night if necessary, but in the daytime on on a brave face. Especially in front of your kids. They deserve that.

Do you think we all didn't try enough? Do you think we gave up too easily? If we'd all begged & wept a little harder (like you're doing) then our betraying spouses might return?

I dont think anything about any of your situations, your all entitled to your own feelings, and certainly handle them in your own way. Im aware on some level you all have gone through similar pain, and some have handled it better then others. I appreciate all the advice and support, this has been a place for me to vent and cry other then my family and friends and even her. I know im not handling this well at all, I know it seems like im ignoring all advice, but im not, I hear it, im trying, and im failing at it. IM sorry if that annoys any of you, im not doing it on purpose... My emotions take over and i lose control of my thoughts.... As far as her feeling smothered or trapped, you would have ot ask her, I have respected her request for time and space as much as i can, i have to see her and talk to her because of the kids, I have gone days and weeks without speaking to her. And other days where ive reached out out of my emotions and loss of control of them. I am a broken down man, lost everything i cherished including myself... I need to find myself, and am having trouble with it. I feel abandoned, alone, and lost. I miss my wife, I miss my kids when there gone, and I miss the amazing life i had a few months ago.

ESL I don't think people are annoyed. Its just the same thing for almost 6 months. I have felt the exact same way you did. Cried and begged for months. Nothing will ever change unless they want it and you cannot make her. Period. And I promise you, once they go, there are gone. It might be hard to understand why. I will never know why mine left, but just one of those things you have to accept. I still have bad days, but 6 months stuck where you are at, is so not healthy for you. You have more strennth than you realize, and you will soon see that.

Best of luck to you

I don't think people are so much annoyed by you as frustrated as as to how to help you. You seem to have experienced a great deal of denial throughout the last six months. From the outside looking in, your statements sometimes don't match reality as described by you. For example, this morning you posted that you miss the amazing life you had a few months ago. You were miserable a few months ago. You've been consistently posting about your distress about your wife wanting out for the last six months. You say that you gave her the space she wanted but you've posted many times about texting or calling her and pleading to work things out. The issue was clearly not limited to physical space but emotional space. You've written about her being a great person even though she's abandoned you. I"m not suggesting you're a bad person for feeling the way you do or behaving the way you have. I am saying that unless you reframe how you view this situation, you're going to remain in the exact same spot for another six months while she continues to move on with her life. Instead of focusing on what a picture perfect relationship you had, focus on how much the relationship has sucked for the last six months. Instead of focusing on how much love her, focus on how miserably she's failed you as a partner for the last six months. Don't let this loss be in vain. Learn from it and then move on.

That's it exactly brittany8...

ESL, nobody here is judging you. We all support you. You're entitled to come here & vent & cry without implementing any advice. You're hearing it... but you're not ready (yet) to heed it.

You're currently experiencing something called cognitive dissonance which when your brain is trying to hold 2 opposing thoughts - (1) you love your wife deeply (2) She has gone... The unpleasantness you feel is the 'static' of trying to believe those 2 things simultaneously.
At the moment you're holding tightly onto thought number (1) - loving your wife & completely unable to accept thought number (2) - she has gone. One day you will be ready & the balance will shift.

I did used to sort of 'pray' when my spouse left me... I never prayed for him to return though... I prayed for strength to get through this awful situation - whatever the outcome.

'Que sera sera' if you like... or 'Thy will be done'...

Do you have any hobbies? Anything whatsoever to distract you now & again? Can you go out & socialise even if you don't feel like it? Do anything to boost your self-worth & self-esteem? Do some exercise to channel your despair into something constructive?

Also I swear the only remote chance of her ever being interested in you is for her to think you're moving on somewhat. When you cry she runs a mile. When you act strong her attention is resumed.

Fake it. Feign til you reign. Focus on nurturing & strengthening yourself & see what happens...

Today is already a tough day... Its my daughers 4th birthday, and she had the kids last night... This morning before work i drove to her fathers house to see my daughter, wish her a happy birthday. My wife wanted to sing to her and we did, but i sat there and just got sad... I went to the bathroom and cried. I came out and looked at them again and just was overcome by pain. 4 years ago our first child, we were so excited and happy. Our family was started, and today, its just all gone. Not a family, just two people with shared kids.. Its heartbreaking and i can't get myself to get over it... I hugged and kissed my kids good bye, and walked out... She was surprised i was leaving but i couldn't stay, I just went to the car and cried and i didn't want her or the kids to see it. She is dropping them off after work today and wants to stay to have cake and sing happy birthday, her mom is coming and my aunt. We are having a party for her tomorrow at a local place, so i wasn't gonna have anyone come by tonight, but her mom insisted since she would'nt be able to come to the party tomorrow, my aunt is coming to support me and she also cant come tomorrow. I already know i wont be able to handle it... I know ill be heartbroken, and not myself. maybe im wrong, but i can't see how we are a family anymore, my wife wants to be a family, but not together, not married... but some how be a family. I dont see how, I can't be around her right now without feeling pain, without crying, and without thinking of all the things I miss about her, my family and our marriage. All the things that she tore away from me. Im gutted, and I can't find the strength to get over this.

All I can say, is my heart is breaking for your kids.
Your daughter's birthday is supposed to be all about her.
You have changed it to an event that is all about you.

We have all pretended to be happy at times when it was in our kids best interest. Please start thinking of your kids feelings. Their feelings should come first over yours.

4 years ago on this day you were given a wonderful gift. The chance to be a parent. I don't have kids but I cant wait until the day I get this chance. It is all I have ever wanted. Yes your marriage ended but you will be a parent for the rest of your life. This should be a day about your daughter and to celebrate this wonderful child. A chance to take the day to be thankful for the beautiful gift of being a parent. No matter what your wife has done, how she has made you feel recently she gave you the best 2 things in this world and those are your kids. You are looking at the doom and gloom but if you step back and see that you still have so much in life maybe some of the sadness would be gone. I know it is easier to dwell on what we don't have, but take a moment to see what you DO have. A lot of this is our own minds and how we approach or look at things. You have to start showing some positivity and even if its one or 2 things to be thankful for, remind yourself of those things. Make today about your daughter and don't allow the drama with your wife to take away such a special joyous day. Hang in there