Sherlock221b

Since my last post, I am still terribly broken, the pain doesn't ease, a day without tears is a rarity.Why is today different? I should be on a high, I have applied for loads of jobs, and I have been...

In 8 days it is fathers day. I'm convinced I won't hear from my three children and I miss them and it is like a constant constant pain. I was told time healed, it doesn't. That I'd learn to live with...

I AM NOT COPINGI thought time might help, but I am so tearful and hirting. I miss my children, I miss my wife, I hate what I'm becoming. I get so upset and cross and have to reign myself in! I am...

As I said a month ago this is just my safe space for major occasions. Yesterday was one such! It was my birthday! My mum has remembered a week ago, given me some money to treat myself, but yesterday...

I decided not to post every day here as I was but to use it for significant occasions, and today is one such.I sat at lunch with tears running down my cheeks, mum didn't notice and made a comment...

I haven't been on here for ages, don't know why but leaving off the antidepressants helped, for me.UpdateDivorce was granted and I am now divorced - still so painful to say!Have had virtually no...

Life with mum is easier, she is more appreciative, and I'm more patient, I had a good walk this morning, have done some sorting and made a job application. So it should be good, but I am so tearful,...

Today was worse. It started off good, I am forced by circumstances to do the dog walk at the local reserve and I associate dad there more than anywhere so it's emotional but I'm glad I'm being made...

I'm 12 hours and 19 minutes in, and it hasn't gone well. And I was asleep for some of that! I came down this morning and wished mum happy new year, she didn't reply but said the dog needed to go out....

So I'm in the last hours of 2020 a year in which I spent 9 months in prison, saw the woman I love for one hour while she told me she was divorcing me, haven't seen my children or had any contact, my...

Throughout the Christmas period my neighbours continued every night to try and harass me, with torch shining, whistle blowing, and tapping of a stick. Last night was the same but it went further, the...

Last year I was in prison, this Christmas I'm not so why is this year harder? Last year it was very strange, horrible, but I made the best of it, in part knowing that it was a one off, in part...

A day of contrasts - this morning started good, I took mum shopping, she didn't object when I couldn't work out the wheelchair and I had to go shopping on my own and she said I had done well - wow!!...

This is my 50th journal, and I'm writing this one to remind myself.Some days mum has good days, everything she says is coherent, she seems quite well. I then wonder if I'm imagining the dementia, but...

Yesterday was the weirdest day - I felt odd about collecting books and pictures the day before and have to work through them. Yesterday was hard as well as it was the last day of term for the...