50th
This is my 50th journal, and I'm writing this one to remind myself.
Some days mum has good days, everything she says is coherent, she seems quite well. I then wonder if I'm imagining the dementia, but no, the last 24 hours have confirmed it. Yesterday morning she asked me several questions again and again, what time is that program on, what time is lunch, and tried to insist she needed her medication that she has on Monday. I said that today was Sunday and she just said that she's forgotten which day it was. But she hadn't just done that, she was totally convinced it was Monday. Over lunch I tried to make conversation, each time was greeted with a sort of groan of acknowledgment or a one word answer. Then she snapped at me For God's sake shut up. I walked away to wash up, I was very angry. As soon as I had done this I went out for a walk. Came back and I didn't mention the outburst but I don't think she remembered it. Then she hogged the tv, so I missed a show I really wanted to see - thank goodness for catchup tv - but she seemed happier, watching tv and snoozing. This morning she told me she couldn't remember everything, I didn't say anything to that, which I regret. She is blaming me as she gave me some envelopes to recycle which I did, they've gone, and apparently there was an address on the back of one of them I should have kept. I know I can't do right here but hey ho! Thank goodness for online journals.
Replies
Breathe. Your mum is so isolated and does not practice conversation except with you.
That is normal, to repeat something and to insist on the day and to be completely certain that they are 'right', no matter what.
It could well be dementia. Having the 'clear' days where she does NOT remember what she did or said yesterday is the biggest indicator that the memory is not 'clear'.
Writing it out in a journal helps. 50 days gives a good view of the number of 'clear' and 'not so clear' days.
The recycling envelopes and the address being needed off one of them...there are ways to retrieve missing addresses if you know or remember the company or person the envelope is from. The blame is NOT yours. You did the right thing in not bringing it up based upon previous moments if there is not a way to change the way to respond to that without "blaming" her decision the day before.
She is used to being alone (before you came to stay, she lived by herself) and obviously has few social interactions on her own for however long prior to your return.
I agree, good for catch-up tv. And, glad that watching tv while snoozing helps keep her calm.
What I do when I get a repeat question is change the way I answer it, it often leads to a different direction, which provides clues as to what is happening in the mind when the question or response leads to the day it is thought to be. We mark off the calendar at the end of the day to provide a visual reminder of the day of the week. This might help. Depends on how your mum sees the calendar.
When the tone of the voice is displaying upset, frustration, and quiet seems to be the only thing that works, taking the walk helps you reset your balance naturally. Good for you!
For those times that she 'orders' something to be done, that can not be retrieved like the envelopes, put them out of sight and away from her view when she's not having a 'clear' day. That way, you can change how the next conversation goes.
And, in that conversation, you can politely state that yesterday you asked me to recycle the envelopes. I still have them, just in case you had forgotten you needed the address off the back of the envelope.
You are doing the best you can with your mum being isolated and alone and making her own decisions, even though she is not remembering what she is doing when her emotions are running high.