Christmas
Last year I was in prison, this Christmas I'm not so why is this year harder? Last year it was very strange, horrible, but I made the best of it, in part knowing that it was a one off, in part telling myself that this Christmas I'd be able to attend a carol service and see my family. Neither are happening, obviously because of covid there's no big carol service, and last Christmas I spoke to my wife, heard what they were doing, this year I have not heard anything from them for months, I sent a card and gift, but it has gone quiet. I hear little bits of news from others, I've had the notice of the divorce - arrived on 23rd December and wasn't gift wrapped, and this Christmas is depressing. I've just got to get through it, I guess, make the best of it for mum, and keep hoping. I loved this time of year before, but who knows what next year will bring.
Replies
Writing it out will help you process the grief of the losses this year has brought.
A friend explained the difference of being in prison to being 'on the outside' as simple as that. You're still 'on the outside' of both places. This year has been strange and awkward for everyone.
It's difficult to figure out how to cross the bridge with family after prison. Simply because their lives changed significantly and continue to change as they adjust to the situation as it happens. The finalization of the divorce brings a document closure, The feelings, thoughts, words, and emotions, however, will take the full cycle of grief of loss to find a balance that works so you can remain calm, and do what you are able to in staying in touch.
There is joy in the simple things and in those moments, hold the warmth close and keep on doing your best.
Here's to finding the best of those moments that you loved before and finding something that works now.
Thanks Mid it's always encouraging to hear from you, and you speak great sense.
We've had a lunch, my mum is fast asleep, my wife texted me to say she was thinking of us but she didn't feel she could have contact with me at the moment - I was glad to hear from her, but saddened by everything I have lost, and I miss them all greatly. The festive season was always fun with them, but today is just so dark. I'm on the verge of tears, which I wouldn't mind as it's a release valve but they don't come.
There was joy this morning as I went for a walk with the dog and had a good chat with someone I had never met before. And I'm enjoying a book so it is, as you say, the simple things.
Here's to finding joy in the wonderful moments and in finding hope that the changes will continue and improvement with your wife is possible.
Yes, you have 'loss' and you have 'gain'. Tears will come when you least expect them to, and the moment of wanting to cry and no tears coming out is part of the process.
Take it in the moment, and know you're doing the simple steps to be in balance.