Better but worse

Life with mum is easier, she is more appreciative, and I'm more patient, I had a good walk this morning, have done some sorting and made a job application. So it should be good, but I am so tearful, I miss my family, and it is a very strange time, I still love them, and would go straight away to see them, but I can't and don't know if I will ever see them again. The pain.

It's been 15 months since we separated and two weeks I'll be divorced but I haven't managed to progress at all. I know I need to let go but I have no idea how, I still love her and when I think of the divorce I burst into tears and feel exactly like I did last March when she told me.