Sherlock221b

Today it feels like I can't do much right. I put the bins out, mum - you were a long time, I express concern for her hearing (the tv gives me a headache the volume it's on) but it's people don't...

How long, how long?? I spent 10 months in jail and you focus on exit and hope - now I've lost my way, and 3 people who supported me through that period have walked away, not intentionally I don't...

I'm sitting here remembering how much I liked Saturdays, in my past life. Now they seem exactly the same, a day of depression and tears, a day when I wonder what the point of life is, now. Life was...

Another run in this morning with mum, listed how I'd tried to help but it was all pointless and she didn't deny it. She simply says that she can't say anything but all she does say is criticism or...

My anxiety was ill founded - the tyres have been slashed and with advice not to go out for fear of vigilantes in the village and with no car to drive I'm a prisoner. Tyres were due to be replaced...

It's stupid, I get wound up by the smallest practical thing, I've got to go out and try and pump up the tyres of the car - I've indicated to mum that it's only one but all look like they've had air...

Today I just can't hold back the tears. I weep and weep for the monster what I became, the person I now want to be, and the seemingly impossible journey there. Here no-one else heard my screams. 

I find myself being overwhelmed by everything, no job - several applications in the pipeline but with no real expectation of any success, no connection to my wife and family, when I was in prison I...

I'm shaking with fear - there are, many evenings, people outside wanting me to move away. There were tonight, and the alarm the police gave me went off- mum thought it was the dog jumping up, but I...

So I remind mum of conversation about timing of tea, that was wrong, I'd made it up, dog wouldn't do a wee, it's my fault for the way I put him out, something taken out of freezer but I didn't take...

Just hours after last journal my mum is driving me mad - reminding me of how I've failed, not done things as she would have them done, dissing family. Yesterday I put carrots in a pan with no lid,...

Over 400 days since I was with my family - 411, since you are ask.The pain is unbearable. I well up in tears most of the time and feel so broken. It doesn't get easier, in fact it gets harder - I'd...

Bizarre dream that we discovered we weren't actually married so we got married as we've a divorce coming. I love my wife and am hating the prospect of divorce coming. I love my children but haven't...

I managed a whole day without a journal entry.Yesterday was hard but given a boost by a friend suggesting a job and the company saying they'd see my application and make a judgement, and then my...

Ok, stress with a visit to the shops with mum - very exhausting, but yesterday I was in the car and I just had a panic attack/emotional outburst I was screaming and couldn't stop. Fortunately I was...