Sherlock221b

Activity

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  New Friend

  Posted by: Sherlock221b

  Posted: 06/21/2021

  Sherlock221b became friends with ejwp5911.

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  Gosh 6 weeks on

  Posted by: Sherlock221b

  Posted: 07/29/2021

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  Since my last post, I am still terribly broken, the pain doesn't ease, a day without tears is a rarity.Why is today different? I should be on a high, I have applied for loads of jobs, and I have been short listed. Hurray. People I link in with on Twitter are delighted for me. My mum has put a huge dampener on it though, questioning the travel time I said, telling me that she won't remember and I'll have to remind her, not a word of congratulations or acknowledging that I'd be pleased. I know...

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  8 days time

  Posted by: Sherlock221b

  Posted: 06/12/2021

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  In 8 days it is fathers day. I'm convinced I won't hear from my three children and I miss them and it is like a constant constant pain. I was told time healed, it doesn't. That I'd learn to live with the pain. I haven't. I reached out to my exwife four weeks ago to attempt to create a bridge. I also wrote to her parents, who I love. The barriers feel firmly down. I want to reach out. I'm not alone but anyone who I mostly connect with is new in my life.This week highlighted what I've lost. On...

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  31st May

  Posted by: Sherlock221b

  Posted: 05/31/2021

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  I AM NOT COPINGI thought time might help, but I am so tearful and hirting. I miss my children, I miss my wife, I hate what I'm becoming. I get so upset and cross and have to reign myself in! I am thinking I don't want to live anymore. Time is supposed to be a healer. Why does everything hurt so much.Two weeks ago I wrote to my ex-wife and former parents in law to try and hold out a hand but nothing. I just wish my elderly mum would hurry up and then shuffle off, so I can sort this house out,...

• Breakups & Divorce
  

  Discussion Comment

  Posted by: Sherlock221b

  Posted: 05/31/2021

  Sherlock221b commented on the discussion So unhappy.

• Breakups & Divorce
  

  Discussion Like

  Posted by: Sherlock221b

  Posted: 05/31/2021

  Sherlock221b liked the discussion So unhappy.

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  Birthday

  Posted by: Sherlock221b

  Posted: 05/13/2021

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  As I said a month ago this is just my safe space for major occasions. Yesterday was one such! It was my birthday! My mum has remembered a week ago, given me some money to treat myself, but yesterday had completely forgotten until midafternoon. She suddenly said it's your birthday today isn't it. I confirmed this but instead of a happy birthday she pointed out I hadn't had many cards - indeed any as far as she knew, I had had one. I know I haven't. I was grateful to those people who on Twitter...

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  Today

  Posted by: Sherlock221b

  Posted: 04/10/2021

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  I decided not to post every day here as I was but to use it for significant occasions, and today is one such.I sat at lunch with tears running down my cheeks, mum didn't notice and made a comment about something I hadn't done, I snapped and said I needed some space and I filled up a bin in the back garden. I've done a few other jobs and I'm so sad, the tears won't stop, when will this pain end?I was once a prisoner now as a carer I feel as imprisoned as before, except there's no date given when...

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  Update

  Posted by: Sherlock221b

  Posted: 03/29/2021

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  I haven't been on here for ages, don't know why but leaving off the antidepressants helped, for me.UpdateDivorce was granted and I am now divorced - still so painful to say!Have had virtually no contact from ex-wife, few messages about practical things to sort, but I asked her to send me things and she hasn't. Missing children so much - like a constant pain!Have made a few friends on TwitterOver 50 job applications and nothingMum still feels very difficult, dementia is apparent, plus her...

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  Better but worse

  Posted by: Sherlock221b

  Posted: 01/03/2021

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  Life with mum is easier, she is more appreciative, and I'm more patient, I had a good walk this morning, have done some sorting and made a job application. So it should be good, but I am so tearful, I miss my family, and it is a very strange time, I still love them, and would go straight away to see them, but I can't and don't know if I will ever see them again. The pain.It's been 15 months since we separated and two weeks I'll be divorced but I haven't managed to progress at all. I know I need...

• Depression
  

  Discussion Comment

  Posted by: Sherlock221b

  Posted: 01/03/2021

  Sherlock221b commented on the discussion Feeling lonely and discouraged.

• Depression
  

  Discussion Like

  Posted by: Sherlock221b

  Posted: 01/03/2021

  Sherlock221b liked the discussion Feeling lonely and discouraged.

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  Journal Comment

  Posted by: Sherlock221b

  Posted: 01/02/2021

  Sherlock221b commented on Sherlock221b's journal 2/1/2021

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  2/1/2021

  Posted by: Sherlock221b

  Posted: 01/02/2021

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  Today was worse. It started off good, I am forced by circumstances to do the dog walk at the local reserve and I associate dad there more than anywhere so it's emotional but I'm glad I'm being made to do it. Before I left I had brought mum the latest bank statement in its envelope. When I came back she wanted her hair washed so I started getting things ready. She stood up and started to walk towards me and started to yell that I shouldn't have put it away in its envelope. I said that is how you...

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  New Year

  Posted by: Sherlock221b

  Posted: 01/01/2021

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  I'm 12 hours and 19 minutes in, and it hasn't gone well. And I was asleep for some of that! I came down this morning and wished mum happy new year, she didn't reply but said the dog needed to go out. I let him out and came back and cheerfully said where does she want the new calendars to go, she claimed to have already told me, but I was patient and asked for a reminder, she didn't reply. Then specifically as I took one old calendar down 'which one is to go here', but now it's 'I don't mind any...