Happy birthday, Leslie Ann

Today is your first birthday in heaven. I hope you are peaceful and out of pain. I love you so much. I miss you so much. 

As I do every year on your and Jason's birthday I find myself remembering the day you were born. 

It was a lot like the weather has been here lately. Warm and humid with a thunderstorm now and then. Leslie weather. 

When I was pregnant with you almost everyone said I was having a boy. The way I was carrying, how big I was. Even my dr. said you heartbeat was more like a boy's. I knew you were my daughter. Never doubted it for a minute. 

You were due 9/5. Like Leslie of later years, you were late. 

I went into labor just around midnight. Went to the hospital around 4. Dr. said I really didn't need to be there yet, but since I was they kept me. Labor was progressing slowly. I was doing all my Lamaze stuff and doing fine, but you weren't in any hurry. But all that changed--I was telling the nurse I felt I had to push. She told me, no, not yet, you're not ready. But I insisted, and she checked, and said (a little embarrassed) "We're going to have a baby here in about 15 mins."  Oh Leslie, just like when you left this world--when you were ready, you were ready and it went quick.

The dr had just gone for lunch and they paged her that her patient was ready to deliver. She walked in and said "You?" Everyone thought I had at least a few more hours to go. And soon, there you were. 8 lbs., 2-1/2 oz. And, as I knew all along, a girl.

One of the baby nurses was named Leslie. She was thrilled to have another Leslie in the world. Whenever we went to the nursery to see you (because babies were still kept in a nursery at that time) you were always front and center. You were gorgeous. Chubby, healthy looking, big head full of peach fuzz. It took you years to get hair--you always commented that in your baby pics you looked like Curly from the 3 Stooges.

When I was trying to decide what to name you one of my criteria was I had to find a name, not unusual, but not super-common, either. Your dad was leaning toward Laura, but I knew someone named Laura I did not particularly like. I considered Molly and Pamela--no (and you always told me you were grateful for that). Leslie. I knew a few Leslies and I'd never met a Leslie I didn't like. 

I had asked Grammy what her favorite name was and she always said "Ann" (never got why she didn't name either of her daughters Ann, but hey). So Leslie Ann you became. There were 2 actresses you heard a lot about at that time. Lesley Ann Warren and Lesley-Ann Down. You were not named after them. In fact, your name was spelled with an 'ie" because of that. 

You were my girl. Always knew you were my girl. You were pretty much a tomboy, though, so I guess everyone else wasn't totally wrong. 

More later, but for now, Happy Birthday, girl. Mama loves you so very much. I so wish you were here.

We're taking your nieces to a petting zoo today. I know you were looking forward to doing things like that with them. Wish you were bodily here to join us, but I know you will be very with us today.