it's all ganging up on me

Tomorrow is Leslie's 37th birthday. The first one without her. I'm trying not to make too much of it. As my son said, we never made a big deal out of birthdays. We're taking my grandgirls to a petting zoo, then dinner and ice cream. More than we probably would have done if she were still with us. Nothing is going well right now. 

I'm not sleeping. I'm seeing the dr. Monday and see if they can do anything to help. I've tried all the OTC stuff, guided meditation, exercise--nothing's doing it.  And my stomach's a mess--I have indigestion practically every time I eat just about anything. I look awful. I feel awful. 

Then today, for the 3rd time since he came home Monday night, Sawyer has peed and pooped in the living room.  He was going to the vet today anyway, so I talked to them about it. There's nothing physically wrong with him. It's behavioral, and I'm going to have to do some big-time training with him and maybe get results, or else give him up. And that would be like giving up another piece of Leslie. I have a consult with a trainer Tuesday, but right now I can barely get myself through a day, much less train a dog. And I'm moving into a new place soon. I know for a fact the place I'm in now is slated to be renovated after I move out--the new place is new. I can't have a dog messing in the apt. I don't know what to do. I wish I could talk to him and make him understand. I don't want to be forced to lose Sawyer, too. As it is we had to have Leslie's cat Nikko put down the day of her funeral. Sawyer? Leslie loved that dopey dog. She picked out, for her obituary, a pic of her and Sawyer. He's a part of her. I wish I could make him understand. I feel like the whole world's falling apart. It's been one loss after another, after another this year. When does it get better? I really don't know how much more I can take.