Ellocin

back in city...trying to figure out the most foolproof method of ridding this world of me for once and all...i can't afford to fuck it up again left a message on my psych's phone to cancel future...

i can't fucken do this...i'm sorry for burdening people here...i sorry for being such a lowlife.   I'm so fucken pissed off right now.  Not only am I freaking wide awake and freaking out at 4:30am...

i don't think i can do this anymore...i'm falling apart but trying to hold all my pieces together...it's like I've got my arms full...trying to carry everything at once...and it's just too...

I'm now at my parents...got here last night and will go back to my place either tonight or for sure tomorrow.  I should wash the clothes I wore at my friends since I think I got smushed banana and...

Happy November! doing good, survived the big scary halloween....lol. My friend picked me up after her and her son did some trick-or-treating in the city....so they were pretty much done.  But...

getting ready to head to a friends house for the night and to help her take her boy trick or treating.  I'm sure it will bring back memories...we always used to go around on halloween together as...

5 minutes i'm fine, 5 minutes later i am crying like there is no tomorrow and don't know what to do.  I really do hate this.  I have been good though.  I haven't done any cutting or burning or...

finally fell asleep after taking 2 ativans around 7 or 8am.  woke up feeling awful horrible panic so called my psychiatrist to see if all this is normal and she said it is a normal part of the...

this is f*cken pissing me of...not to mention making it damn hard to sleep...6:45am still awake...i'm so all over the place it isn't funny.  Not like happy or anything, not even close, but every...

well, safely made it to my room...and i'm feeling slightly better...going to attempt sleeping shortly since it's after 5:30am

ok, this is my no sleep meds night and i was doing ok so i thought i could get through it alright but now i'm not doing so good...i feel like i'm going to do and i have major urges to do bad...

i went to my appointment...it went okay but no there is no magic answer and i just have to deal with the med situation a bit longer.  She called me today not long after I had left the message about...

omg i am in such a crappy mood.  the sleeping meds made me drowsy last night but didn't much help with actually sleeping...i don't know how much or how little i slept just that it was broken in...

i started doing something today that i haven't done in a few years....in some ways it's better then cutting...other ways it's not...i've started burning again.  Thing is i did once....and have been...

having such a hard time today...i am trying so hard not give into to anything...i promise i am trying..i dunno...i think i'm going to need another hospital admission to get through this alive...i see...