Ellocin

i'm really sorry and ashamed at my entries lately my last entry especially...I am really sorry.  I know I scared and worried and probably offended a lot of you...I honestly didn't mean to...I wasn't...

fucken idiots around here i'm officially free and more suicidal than i was when i went in...didn't even know it was possible...and i told them you let me go today i'm going to kill myself....because...

sorry i haven't written in a few days....my psychiatrist and i decided to try another admission so went straight from my appointment with her to the hospital.  I'm on pass right now...at home...my...

i lost it last night when i got up to go to bed...i was so dopey from the oxazepam i thought i would just put all the stuff away that i had piled up in the living room...but when i went to the...

11 hours to go i need to find a way to sleep...i took 30mg of oxazepam like about 2 hours ago and it's done nothing...that's the dose i used while in hospital...and i haven't taken it in a few...

time is creepy by so slowly...i know i shouldn't be counting down the time and figure out something else to do with myself but i can't seem to stop myself.  16 hours 15 minutes until my...

i really don't know if i can make it long enough to go to my appointment tomorrow...i'm trying with all i have in me to though...just afraid it might not be enough... i'll do what i have to do to...

having a really really hard time with urges right now...and i can't stop crying...and i'm just really fucken frustrated with life right now...but i'm trying to not let myself think and just trying to...

it's 3am and I'm still awake...but I've accepted that for now.  It's been a really rough day but I am trying hard to stay safe this time...so far so good.  I can't remember what all I wrote earlier...

ok..i decided no one is going to have the power over me here and whether or not i write what i want or if i keep it public or private.  If you don't like what you read from me then please don't read...

see...i knew it wouldn't kill ya...just make you feel kind of cool and kind of shitty at the same time.  I don't know what else to do anymore.  I feel like I'm out of options.  I am just so tired...

took 20 benedryl...all that i had left...not enough to kill me but with any luck enough to make me sleep for a bit  

so apparently all this is is a pity party...as i'm told...so that's it...i can't even write in my own fucken journal anymore.  i'm not expecting anyone to read or respond, just trying to get all the...

yeah so even the hospital thinks i'm a waste of space, time, effort and can't be helped.  The police (one of which was my sisters best friend) showed up at my apt tonight and took me down to the...