Ellocin

i don't know how much more of this i can take...i really don't...i'm trying to stay strong especially since this week is my sisters birthday and i want to see everyone...kind of...well...I don't want...

3:30am and yes I'm still awake....been a rough night totally but doing my best to stay safe and also to not use the ativan or sleeping meds.  My body is getting too dependent on them and I don't...

still feeling awful but at least starting to calm down and feel semi human again...although i still want to give in it's not as intense...so I guess the ativan is starting to do it's thing the...

just got home, not doing good...think might be having an anxiety attack...haven't had one in like over 8 years...not like this anyway...just took an ativan but i don't know if i can wait for it to...

Took 30mg of oxazepam last night to make sure I slept and it helped...usually I take 20mg but I know 30 is safe as she has told me that this particular med can go up as high as 60mg...just forgot to...

Heading to bed because the sleepy pills are kicking in...but i just came across this song that i might as well have written right now... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=468LxGJlJHc  ...so i had to...

OMGosh I am so freakin exhausted.  I don't want to move for the next month...lol.  Talked to my psychiatrist and she said to keep doing what I am doing and give the meds more time...up to another 4...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kyUrpBVcWOY

So much for a decent night sleep last night.  Even with the oxazepam I ended up tossing and turning a good majority of the night...but in a groggy kind of state.  Finally decided at 7am to get...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5IojIbn5J38

well again as the day went on I feel worse...everything good is making me feel crummy.  My roommate was playing some praise music and I just start feeling so awful.  I'm starting to feel like this...

decided in response to my actions yesterday to bump my progress bar back down to 20% and to freeze myself at 90 days for a day or two.  Not in a celebration type way.  Probably technically I should...

Heading to bed shortly since it's 1:30am. Oh my...that was an interesting evening.  The urges got bad, really bad, so I took an ativan....still didn't feel any better so talked to my therapist and...

i want to give in

Alright, day 90 started off weird.  I woke up at 6:30am to knocking at the door.  I couldn't imagine for the life of me who or why someone would be knocking on our door at that hour so all the...