Well, I feel okay at the moment.  I'm exhausted to the point of feeling nauseaus but other then that I'm not too bad.  I saw my psychiatrist and we decided to start trying Effexor.  I was on it before but only for maybe 3-4 weeks years ago.  Around the same time it was discovered I had problems with high blood pressure.  It has since been determined that it wasn't from the Effexor so I'm willing to give it another try.  I don't remember anything else about being on it before...it was such a short time.  I went out afterwards with my mom and my aunt.  We went to the public gardens for a walk and that was fun...it's one of those places you just can't help but feel a little better.  When I used to have appointments close by to this place I'd often go here after to relax.  I also got an errand done that I've been meaning to do since last week.  Decided to stay out shopping with mom for awhile even though all I really felt like doing was coming home and going to bed.  I've been awake since 4:30am.  I figured it would be better to stay out and try and stay awake until around 10pm.  It's only another 2 hours away.  I feel better that I told my psychiatrist how bad my moods have been fluctuating and about the overdose and the cutting.  She wasn't overly concerned about the od and that is fine...she knows I've been through this so many times that I know when it's too much.   She's also very open to the me using whatever natural methods I choose as long as they are safe which great.  Anyway....i think I'm rambling from being tired...so I will go for now.  Only 1 hr and 50 min until I am going to bed...woohoo!