I have ED too. I have tried all the drugs but nothing works. Blood does not flow to my penis to make it hard, but I have not lost my urge for sex. I have a tongue that works very well and magic fingers also do an amazing job. Even though I can't get an erection I love to have my **** played with and sucked. I still have the feelings and the libido and spend a lot of time being naked. I am now 71 years young and enjoy life. I don't let being disabled get in the way of my live.

Three and a half years of struggling to be encouraging, sympathetic, kind, gentle, understanding and supportive of my 65 year old partner's ED while I cried secretly - and once openly (only to be shouted at that he didn't need the pressure) - tried to minimize the disappointment and frustration to us both, read everything I could find, trawled the internet for alternative 'cures' and generally leapt about like a performing clown while he lay on his back allowing me to minister to his needs. While all the time hoping to find the thing that would persuade him to forget the expense and get more pills
Turns out he has Aspergers, many effects including undersensitivity to touch or to other people's emotions so he's unable to feel enough stimulation through intercourse alone and unable to recognize how it affects me
I'm exhausted

I note you are still going through it Honey. Would os be something or is it just ic you want?

I know my wife wants ic and that is why I have been working hard but not coming up with definite answers. She is not pushing me at all but I just feel she wants it in that way I think.

As you have read I tried Cialis (because of you) which worked for two and a half days but what a cost. I could hardly function socially or at work for a couple of days after that with aches in back of knees and back like one gets with the flu.

I am going for diet which has had an effect on my non sexual erections when I wake up. I am working on something else privately and will report any success.

I like Tuxgirl's approach just to have fun in other ways while trying. It is still intimacy and sharing. I don't have much faith in pills and supplements to be honest. Most of them promise the earth and do nothing in my view

Sorry Tony - OS?

Correct. My wife is not comfortable with it so I have to work on IC but as I said she is not pushing me and is content for me just to lay on her. I do manage a bit more that that especially with rings and lube but it is work when it should be fun.

Ha ha sorry Tony I was having a dim moment!

I've never been that keen on os tbh.......I went to a party when I was 16 and I think somebody put something in my drink cos one minute I was with everyone else and the next thing I knew I was in a bedroom with this guy's head between my legs! My friends said I'd been in there nearly an hour!

Other guys have done it but I've never got much out of it really

Well can you think of any alternatives that you would like? Perhaps manual things. I don't know. I know it is difficult. My wife also comes alive with IC but I would have thought gradual adjustment to other things of mutual agreement might help. Your partner/husband obviously feels pressurised about it just now, which doesn't help the situation to improve. Even I felt pressurised when I read your posts, which caused me to visit the doctor.

Manual stuff is the mainstay of our sexlife Tony

I just miss the great ic we had at the start of our relationship so much

Atm I'm coming to terms with recently finding out about his Asbergers and I'm having counseling to understand that he is actually not able to understand my feelings

So you are not only adjusting in the sexual area but also in the relational area. It can be done although it will take time. His aspergers can't be too apparent as you would have noticed it when you first met him.

If you can enjoy manual sex that is a big plus. My wife doesn't respond that well to it although she likes me kissing her neck.

I think you will be alright in the long run Honey. Adjustment is endless but at least you will be enjoying some kind of intimacy. If you use your imagination things can progress. Not that he should give up trying on the ED side though.

Although I think our spouses should meet our sexual and relational needs if they can I don't think they are responsible for our total happiness. That is up to us. There is always a gap where we have to seek our answers and find out who we are meant to be.

Wise words Tony.....

I've always relied on other people for reassurance and I've learned so much about being more emotionally self sufficient from being with my partner. I have more self esteem now.

You're right, his AS wasn't apparent at the start, he's had a lifetime to perfect a successful routine with women, he appeared very strong and confident and he chased me relentlessly. I'd been on my own for 10 years and he swept me off my feet with all the attention etc. By the time the novelty factor starting wearing off for him and everyday life and his 'routines' started to creep back into his life I was well and truly hooked. Unfortunately with AS, sexual problems after the 'novelty' stage become common due to sensitivity issues and problems letting go

You're right about us taking care of our own 'leftover' needs. I've been doing that for some time and have a couple of great vibes ...... what I need to accept is that I was wrong to expect the great sex for the first few weeks to carry on for longer

His words are that if I want something different I need a younger guy as he can't do that anymore. He says it's in his head the same as ever but that his body's broken

His body is not broken if it's in his mind and if manual is your thing Honey. You can develop that I am sure. I know IC is important to you but you need to work with what you have. With the pressure off of him for IC who knows where it will lead.

He does need encouragement. To say you need to find a younger man shows his self esteem is damaged. I could never imagine saying that to my wife. She would be shocked if I did. We are committed for life regardless.

Also working on your relationship will help all departments including the bedroom. If you don't use it he will lose it. Encourage him to keep fighting and at least enjoying the manual sex that you do.

Personally sex improved for us over the years because we got to know each other needs and what each of us liked and didn't like. I know I have hit ED to a certain extent but we are not giving up. I'm having erections nearly every morning just now if I wake up before I have to get up. I'm taking it slowly though and doing other things I cannot mention on here.

Honey, I feel your pain.
I spent far too long in the situation with my husband that sex was going downhill, downhill and then just gone. Our life was so busy with growing kids and aging parents that it just seemed there was never time to sit down and work on us. Then when there was time, he never seemed to have any interest.
While I've always thought of myself as fairly self-sufficient, I was deeply, deeply sad and unhappy. We've been married for quite some time and I entered this marriage quite young, but not sexually inexperienced. I say I started life early.
Things finally boiled over about a month ago after I reached a point of seriously thinking of ending my life because I just couldn't face the idea that I'd spent 43 years of my life on a relationship that offered very little physical or emotional satisfaction in such a very long time, and when I say long time, I'm talking in terms of more than a decade.
It's probably the only time in my life I've been grateful for the idiocy of computers - he'd stumbled onto a porn site while searching for something relating to the products we handle in our family business. I later found what he had stumbled onto and just thought that even though he showed no interest in me anymore, he was showing interest in someone else and it thoroughly ticked me off. So, I wrote him a nasty little note that he was busted and left it on the computer for him and told him he could find someplace else to sleep and snore.
While I was furious with him over what I saw was an interest in sex, but not in me, I never disliked my husband, but it was as if I was simply living and sleeping in the same bed with a business partner and not someone I was in love with.
After one long night of tears, talk, recriminations and even apologies to each other, we finally began to communicate again and realized we were both hurting and both feeling abandoned by the other.
It didn't change the fact that he's older and dealing with ED, but it changed how we saw each other in terms of being sexual beings. I even realized how I'd actually been pretty awful to him in some ways, saying things that cut him to the quick because of my sadness. I had changed as well, and it was not change for the better. If you can look at it from a detached viewpoint, it's not hard to see how much we are affected when our sexuality is compromised and even removed.
You've got a lot on your plate with his Aspergers and ED and only you can decide where or how your relationship with your partner will go. I hope you find the solution that works for you. Even though he's important in your life, you have to be important to yourself as well.

TonyC, this post is mostly for you as you'd asked for an update on how things are going with the vitamins and herbal supplements approach.
Now that he's been taking these for several weeks, we are seeing some definite improvements.
Even when not fully erect, he's having more response to stimulation , has more feeling and we're noticing some increase in size and girth as you would in an erection.
He has however recently experienced erection to the point of IC for a short time and this was without using a ring or pump. Even after the erection diminished enough that IC wasn't completely possible, he was still larger and more responsive. (It's pretty easy to notice these types of changes during OS)
Now we need to work on our stamina before we kill ourselves with exhaustion.
I know his libido is stronger than it had been and even his temperment is better. Believe me, some of our clients really test the temperment, and some do it on a daily basis.
I'm thankful that both of us are open-minded sexually and that has allowed us to keep the ED from being the center of attention so to speak. I know Honey said she isn't keen on oral activities, but it's something we both enjoy and we've discovered some pretty good toys as well.
Basically, we're re-learning how to have fun with each other again and honestly I think I've had more sex in the last couple of weeks than we had in the last 10 years all thrown together.
Another plus is the improvement is carrying over the other parts of our life together. We have always been good partners, but we're better partners right now.
The best part of it all is that we have seen no negative side effects to the vitamins or supplements. The ED drugs worry me, so I'd prefer he not use them.
But, I do have one question for everyone. Have any of you used the penile support sleeves sold by the Rejoyn company? They're supposed to allow a man to have intercourse with no erection or a partial erection. We're considering ordering them, but they're not cheap and I'd like to know if any of you folks have tried them.

Hi Tuxgirl. Thanks for your update and how you are coping with the situation.

I do hope he has stopped the porn as this is a kind of mental adultery and can actually cause ED in some as the normal sexual drive has been transferred onto a screen.

I don't know what supplements you are using but if they seem to be working that is great. I think it is good that you are experiencing intimacy together even without IC (yet). One of your gifts is OS and perhaps Honey's is manual although I know you must use both.

I have had any sex for a while since the Cialis thing. Although I am experiencing positive results of my diet as described heretofore the time never seems right. I might be afraid of failure. I don't know. I haven't transferred the positive results to the bedroom yet. It would be great just to have oral or manual sex to enjoy without the challenge of IC sometimes. I still haven't worked out why I can be so hard when I wake up and not transfer it when we are together. Maybe I am a perfectionist and I don't want to fail. Yes she would do manual to me and something else which I like (can't say) but then I feel selfish because she is not getting what she needs.

I haven't really heard about these penile support things. Maybe I will look into it. She doesn't tend to like false things like dildos etc. so I don't know how she would feel about those, but might give it a go.

Had a look at the sleeves Tuxgirl. The ones I saw seem like a silicon jacket. Very cheap. I wouldn't mind trying one although everything would depend on my wife. Some things just put her off. I admit the dildo was a massive in your face plastic thing. Looked good visually but was false to her. The sleeves seem better and look as though the husband can feel it as well, which is nice. You will have to be the guinea pig Tuxgirl and report back? Some might like it, some not. If my wife liked it then that would settle it for me. Thank you for the suggestion. It would be fun choosing one together if we ever got that far, but knowing me I would just take a chance and buy a cheap one to try out to save her embarrassment. If there was some hope I could get a better one.