Thank you.

It made me think it was me. It did not help we slept in different parts of the house. I became angry, alone, and sad. I found escape which was emotionally worse. I thought I was the problem because of my surgery. My physical needs opened up like an overflowing sea of need. When I tried to enter his bed I felt strange. I felt like I was invading his space, and could not stay in his bed.

When he tried intimacy I could not respond. I was too angry. When I did try and he failed I felt bad
I was trapped with my feelings of inadequacy and whatever he was feeling. I finally left after years of uncommunicated pain and mental suffering.

Care1, Intimacy is almost impossible when you're angry with someone unless perhaps you're the world's greatest actor or actress. Before we began turning a corner in our life together I had more anger and hurt built up inside me than I could ever believe could happen in my heart.
It took a lot of talking, crying, apologizing, promises and actual efforts on my husbands's part to see that negative stuff begin to leave my soul. And, my husband wasn't the only one that's had to do some changing. I'd built up my share of rotten attitude along the way. I'd get hurt, then mad and then I'd lash out with some snarky comment or outright insult. I found myself doing just about anything I could to hurt his feelings or make him feel less of a man. I think back about the last years of our life together and I'm almost surprised one of us didn't just walk out the door and leave.
For so long we were under the gun in terms of other people's demands on us and we let US get away from us and it just unravled from there.
But, it is possible to make progress and we are. Sex may not be exactly as it was when we first married, but we get older and we have to learn how to adapt to the changes life throws at us.
ED is still a problem for us in that he can't always respond exactly how he wants to, when he wants to, but we are continuing to see improvements from his supplements.
The major issue for him these days is maintaining an erection long enough for him to complete IC to orgasm for himself. But, his erections are lasting longer these days, so I am encouraged.
I recently noticed the company that makes the libido supplement he takes also makes a formulation for women and I'm considering starting on that myself.
My thinking is that if I respond sexually a little quicker myself that might take a little more performance pressure off him. I know being post menopausal can slow things in the sexual area for women, so I have no problem with trying to step up my game either.
It's also nice that neither of us now carries the sole responsibility for initiating sex or other intimate activity. We both seem to have come to the conclusion that even though ED has reared its ugly little head, we still have one great thing going for us - the kids are grown and we pretty much can have privacy and fun whenever we like.
Still haven't had a chance to order those Rejoyn support sleeves yet. We've been slammed on the business front, had several family birthdays and I had some car problems this last week to really cap everything else off, so I haven't hardly even had the chance to check e-mail much less do any shopping online. But, on the plus side of the equation we still remembered to make time for each other. I guess even us older dogs can learn a few new tricks.
TonyC, I really do appreciate your report on the Cialis. I just keep feeling that I'd really like to keep my spouse away from them. Drug side effects worry me and I'd prefer he avoid them.

good morning,

there is something you could do for him its called Trimix inj.

Hi Tuxgirl. Glad you are making progress. I never took another Cialis. We are happy as we are. Through diet I have made improvements. I get an erection most nights now. If we did it in the morning there wouldn't be a problem. I have learned a lot about my body now and the way I can adapt to sex to fit in with it. Takes more thinking but once learned it seems to work.

I've tried a few groups and not getting very far. My husband has no sex drive and would prefer to not have sex. He is healthy, mid 40's, and this has been an ongoing issue his whole life. He can get an erection with manual stimulation but then either looses it or orgasms upon entry. He does not initiate sex and I have pretty much stopped trying, maybe once every couple of months. He doesn't like porn and there have been no affairs although he masturbate but not often. We love each other deeply and have gone to counseling, his testosterone are normal but on the low side, he applied the cream but that didn't seem to change anything. Although I love him, I have to love myself too, which I don't anymore because of the neglect. I told him that I can't live like this anymore and I would rather be alone than feel lonely all the time and he needed to go to the doctor. So my question, do pills really work? He doesn't want to take them and really just doesn't want to bother with sex, but in order to continue being married he is open to it. And another question, his penis is hard in the morning and he's always got his hands down his pants in his sleep, is that normal for a guy? medical or experienced advise would be much appreciated.

I am a wife of 28 1/2 years. Of that , the last 20 years my husband has had ED. Every test possible has been done and no reason for it can be found. it has been very difficult at times. When things got at their worst we sought counseling to help us both understand what each was feeling. I know he loves me and he wants to be with me. We spend a lot of time together. During the intimacy times we just take it as it comes. He does not take medication anymore. No, the issue is not better, but the medication is not the answer for us, It didn't seem to help often but made him feel ill all day. The one thing that helped us both very much was a book called Intended For Pleasure by Ed Wheat. We read this at the same time.

I want to add - nothing would have changed until I decided to let God take care of things and be what I am supposed to be as a wife. Not nagging. Not being angry. Not saying things about the ED, but supporting and loving him no matter what. it is a journey and must be traveled together.

Wow - so many replies to a 3 year old post - think there should be a new board??

Viagra and the like - is no "dinner and a show", from a wife's perspective.

The ED commercials make me SO MAD - because it makes it seem like the MAN still wants to have sex. This is NOT the case with my hubby.

I guess I always assumed there was a testosterone problem, but when I find out that the morning erections usually indicate that the problem is PSYCHOLOGICAL, rather than physical -- how am I supposed to feel? Like total CRAP, that's how.

I have tried being cute. I've tried morning ambushes. I've tried "fake it until you make it". I've even told my hubby that the kissing, hugs and touching is what I need. And no, affairs are not on my mind . I can't imagine him getting excited if the cutest lap-dancer was on top of him. I've tried no pressure - it's been 6 months.

All to no avail. The "pecks" I get - hello and goodbye - would probably amount to 60 seconds in each month.

I guess at age 52, that part of my life is over.

Mommer ~ you are not alone. I am 48. Tomorrow my husband and I will celebrate our 22nd wedding anniversary. Oh, we will go away for the weekend and go through all the motions of having a happy marriage, but then I will have to be sure I stay silent when I cry myself to sleep tomorrow night when I don't even get a kiss goodnight. There is no place lonelier than your own side of the bed sometimes. If I cry ~ I am hurting his feelings. And no, his testosterone levels are not low even though I would have bet money on it! Which way to turn? Wish I knew.....

I am a 35 year wife married for 12 years to a man suffering from ED due to low testosterone. My husband is 36 and we have been dealing with ED for about 5 years. It reached a critical point last year with almost total loss of ability when he finally went to the doctor. I can't decide what is worse his lack of self confidence or mine. For so long I thought it was that I had an over active sex drive until his diminished to almost nothing. I have a lot of resentment, anger, and pain resulting from years of rejection. I am sadly not the woman I once was. I love my husband dearly and would give anything to have him be the confident man he once was and for us to have the comfortable stress free intimacy we once shared.

Well, thank god everything's fine in our relationship. I feel sorry for everyone who has ED.

Melody,

Since your husband visited the doctor is he on Testosterone therapy? Is it helping?

Sorry for the delayed response... The doctor first started my husband on testosterone cream which was effective in increasing libido, function and testosterone levels. However there are restrictions on length of time you can use the cream I guess and as soon as he stopped function, libido and levels dropped as well. He is now on clomid at first there was significant improvements but as we enter the end of this cycle I see a decrease in function and libido again. Now we wait a few weeks and retest levels after that I don't know what the next step is. It makes me sad to think that a normal sex life is a thing of the past and I fear bouncing from one drug to the next with all the peaks and valleys that will entail.

Really should go to strait Testosterone injections. Much more effective and can be regulated through periodic blood test. My wife gives me a shot every two weeks in the butt.