my husband hasn't had an erection for 2 years, prior to that they were never proper erections, his mood swings have become impossible to tolerate, he blames me for everything refuses to admit he has a problem, his nasty treatment towards me led to me attempting suicide back in may 2013, I am at the end of my tether now,

Can I just vent? Only married 3 years. Didn't know what I was getting in to. We never did anything prior to marriage. Wedding night, he couldn't perform. That was a hit to my self esteem. However, thought was just due to us being tired from the wedding. Nothing happened during our honeymoon or when we got back. I cried a lot. Why is it that it didn't seem to phase him? Finally, I brought up the conversation. We both got checkups. His doc said it was due to weight and gave him cialis. Cialas didn't work. However, my husband didn't seem to take the weight issue seriously. If this was important, wouldn't he have made it a priority to fix it? Like if it's weight, eat better, work out? Nada. We've had sex since, but it's rare. I want to be supportive, but instead I'm just mad! When I try to bring up the conversation, he avoids. I feel like he just doesn't care. What am I supposed to do? I have needs too? We're only in our 30's. This shouldn't be happening.

I most definitely feel like this. I was hoping to chat with others who feel the same.

Hi, I know this topic is about wives with husbands with ED. I am a husband with ED. I know its killing our marriage. I've read some post from wives saying they have been patient and feel unloved or their husbands don't care. I know my wife feels much of the same feelings as the wives on here do. Understanding the feelings of your wives are important. I've learned that a woman's heart craves intimacy, the feeling that she is the only being that can give her husband satisfaction, that in his eyes she is the only one. I completely understand that. When I touch my wife she feels the passion and she is able to respond with pleasure but with me its not there. The feeling inside of me is wanting to just jump on her, I desire her. I want to make love to her. I want her to feel that she isn't failing as a wife in giving me pleasure. Its gotten so bad, I feel less of a man. I am taking cialis and it helps. We need to come to grips that I have ED and even though I need meds to get me aroused that its not her. I want to just grab her, caress her and kiss her but am afraid to do that cause I don't want to start anything I can't finish. My heart breaks everytime. I ask God why me, why us. I am lost with this. I don't want to lose my marriage. I want her to understand that I desire her. I don't know maybe some of the wives can give me some advise from a womans point of view. This condition sucks for both partners. Its not the man's fault and its not the woman's fault. I want to be the man for my wife that she needs intimately. I know a big part is emotional...when we start to get intimate all i think is am I going to get an erection, is she going to be disappointed with me...is she thinking I'm not a man and can't take care of her. Any advise is greatly welcomed. Thanks!

I have had ED for a year now. Tried cialis once but the after effects were not good. Switched to Viagra a little better but only had a half of one.

However my wife is not happy with pills or plastic (dildos) etc. Our marriage is still strong so ED is not affecting it. We still have good sex but not full blown IC.

Went on a non cholestrol diet and began to wake up with strong erections as good as I have ever had. However that wasn't sexual and I still do not get a full one during sex. It is obviously not organic so it remains a mystery to me

I found this forum while searching for a cure for my husband. I am like many others, a wife of a man with ED. I wish I could say something supporting, but I really need support myself. I cannot talk to anyone about this embarrassing issue. Even our parents do not know. We suffer alone. My husband not only has ED, but the whole "shabang" - he has no libido, ED, PE, lack of orgasmic sensation ( when he does manage to get an erection). We do believe that his condition is physiological (he has no/weak morning erections), and that all come from one cause, but our problem is - we have no clue what IS it. For two years now we try to find the solution, but again and again come back to square one. I wont get into details here, just want to vent. This is SO frustrating when all efforts fail. My husband lost his self-esteem, I lost mine. We both understand that it is not us, but it does not help. My husband avoids touching me, kissing me, because it won't lead to intercourse (unless he takes a pill). I do crave simple cuddling (even without sex), but he won't give it to me - he gets upset about the fact that he feels nothing touching me. Only two years ago he would hug me in bed and most often than not we would not fall asleep right away. When he takes a pill and we do have sex, I feel bad because I get an orgasm, but my husband does not. He just ejaculates and feels NOTHING. This is so frustrating. We fight a lot, cry a lot. We get upset with each other and stop talking. Then he bursts and blames me of not being supportive. But I AM! I try to tell him this and he does not hear me. He thinks that me not talking to him is a sign. But I do what he says. And he says "don't talk to me, I don't want fight right now. Unless you have a solution...". I do not have a "solution", but I try to offer him remedies that helped other guys. He finds those solutions stupid, I feel like am good for nothing and get upset. It's a vicious circle.
sometimes, when we manage to talk quietly in a calm manner, he asks me if I do understand how a guy feels when his manhood is taken away ( this happened to us literally overnight). And if I do, I need to be supportive. I DO understand. What I do not understand, why he does not believe that I feel EXACTLY the same. And I need a support too. I love him and feel his pain. But on top of that, I have to take care of two kids, myself, my job, a house. My husband is in such depression, that he does a bare minimum. He does not help me around the house, with kids, chores. I don't mind - this is nothing compare to sexual problems, just a routine, but I really hate it when I try to relieve my stress by taking kids out, or watching my favorite show, he gets really upset with me about this. He did not say it, but I interpret his anger as "I cannot enjoy life now, so you should not either". I feel like I am being suffocated and NOBODY cares. I know, he does care, and he wants everything to be good again. He just won't tell me this.
I made myself cry.... So I give me hugs too...

My boyfriend and I have known each other for 30 years and had a relationship for 14 years then we parted ways. A little over a year ago we got back together again and we knew that we had always loved each other very much. He now suffers from ED (this was realized just a few months into the relationship) he is on meds for high blood pressure and diabetes. He had a stroke 10 years ago, he's 61. In the beginning love making was good but it only lasted maybe a couple of months before he couldnt get or maintain an erection. We have gone to the doctor and his testosterone level was low and he was prescribed a gel which did bring his level up to where it should be but he still couldnt maintain an erection. He was prescribed cialis and that doesnt work. we were having oral sex too and that has stopped (on his part). When i try to talk to him about whats going on he doesnt open up to me and he gets mad and says "if you know i'm going through something why do you keep asking me questions" Its been 2 months since we've had sex and 6 months since hes given me oral sex. theres no romance or anything. I am wondering does a man lose being affectionate and loving when he has ED? He talks about when he gets better how he wants to make love to me but does ED stop you from passionately kissing me, giving me oral sex, holding me at night?? i do give him oral sex but his soldier wont stand at attention. I might add that he is also having a little trouble with his memory. We will be going back to the doctor in a couple of weeks. He isnt the type of man that "talks" about what hes going through and that doesnt help any. I dont pressure him but really need some affection from him. Confused!!

Well, my boyfriend has been not having sex with me for a few weeks... He just told me yesterday that he knows he has "Situational ED" and is seeing a doctor to get Viagra so he can have sex with me... That hurts me and I started a big fight about it and he almost broke up with me for being insensitive.... I hate that I am 26 and my 30 year old boyfriend needs a pill to have sex with me... I think I'm pretty good in bed and this is just hurtful. How do I convince myself that this isn't my fault?

Just be glad he's trying to fix it. A lot of men will ignore the issue hoping it would just go away.

Careabug, it is NOT your fault! That is the first thing women do is blame themselves. There are many causes such as diabetes, high blood pressure and medicines prescribed to treat them. Low testosterone is another.

It's like turning on a switch to a light that is not plugged in. Of course it needs the current to make it work,

God Bless!

I have just given up. I am 52 and my H is 65. We married almost 15 yeArs ago. Our second marriages, and my fourth try for a caring relationship. H was too embarrassed to get help early and now it is permanent. It went from wow to whoops in four years. We tried with oral for him and he touched me for the sixty seconds that took. Then he fell into treating me like a sister. I get no physical contact I don't initiate. Why the sad tale? Just to say use it or lose it. If it isn't working there is a reason and if you can't bring yourself to do that, you could end up like us. Permanent physical damage to H package, a crushed spouse, and a dead relationship.

When I first met my fiance and began our relationship, I thought the problems with ED would improve and that we would work together towards a solution. 8 years later, this has not happened. Sometimes it doesn't bother me as I have gone through menopause and really do have fewer sexual urges than in younger years. Still, there are times when I feel so lonely and miss having an intimate life. We have stopped attempting any form of intimacy, as it has become so frustrating and uncomfortable. This would be less of a burden if he was affectionate, but he is also not interested in passionate kissing or embracing. I must now beg for snuggling in bed. It is sad, in that my first husband and I had a healthy intimate relationship until he became ill and passed away from complications of a chronic illness. My fiance is a fine man and expresses his love and support in other ways. Still, I am young enough to miss passion in my life and rather wonder if it is enough to live with companionship alone and a greatly limited level of affection. Maybe there is a lesson here and I'm not learning very gracefully. I visited this group years ago, when I was first facing the realization of ongoing ED. Then I decided not to worry so much about the issue. Now, here I am again, feeling confused, hurt and uncertain of the future. Sometimes I feel as though there is another woman inside who is failing to thrive because of the ravages of this rather hidden issue. I'm sure I'm not alone in these feelings?

At least we are not alone. Small comfort but I'd take small over nothing.
I am 45, my husband 55 and we have been together 5 years, married for 5 months and since married the effort on his part has all but stopped.

No matter how much my brain tells myself it is not my fault my husband has ED, my heart doesn't listen. It is a lonely thing to go through and my husband does like to not talk about it, it is like the elephant in the bedroom.

sex is almost like a dreaded chore now, like he is doing me a favour.

Quick story: My husband is 61 and he's been struggling with ED for quite some time (ever since his 40's). Sex wasn't ever a focus in our relationship, which I hated at first, but we've learned to cope by introducing solutions TOGETHER AS A TEAM. I want us to get back to a regular (or anywhere near that) sex life.

Problems: We've tried Viagra and Cialis, but the planned sex created more problems than solutions... Then we moved onto penile rings, which vary so much that I didn't even know what to choose from. (most of them are classified as sex toys).

Solution: Finally - I read about something called the OQ Ring which helps bloodflow to the penis (which is a core reason for ED). Literally the first week of trying this, we had sex 3 times. Let me tell you that's more than the past 2 months..! This ring is pricey (~$150) but it's one of the only things that we've kept around for the past 6 months. He wears it all of the time.

Hope you girls find the strength to bring up the topic first and work WITH your husband/significant other to find something that works. The support you give in the process will also help his confidence and believe me, he'll reward you in bed when you find it! For me it was the OQ Ring, but it might not be for everyone.

With love and support.

I found this group today. Hoped reading everyone elses store would help. My husband and I have been together 13 years 7 of which married. I uprooted my whole family to move to his home town. And 1 years after we were married he started slowly suffering from ED. The medicines make him sick. His heart races and he get nauseated. So now there is nothing. I am 49 and he is 56. I feel like this is my penance. And that he find me unattractive. At least he could try to satisfiy me but he lets me suffer. No touching nothing. He is an old bachelor and not very complimentary. I just feel so desperate. I have asked and asked him to go get help, but he says he is too old to change. What can I do?