Oops sorry for the typo. I meant to write makes me feel unloved. It's late and I'm not doing such a great job of self-editing.

Hi Tuxgirl,

Have you tried talking to your SO on this issue?

To the point of ad nauseum. I get a lot of promises but he never finds the time to keep them. Something else is always more urgent.

Also, it does get old being the only one in the relationship that thinks we have problem. And. yes I do think it's a we problem. It affects both of us, but sometimes I honestly think it bothers me more than it bothers him.

I'm sorry to hear that.

I wish there was an easier way for us men to understand on how ED effects the women.

I think one of the things about all of this is that I'm finding that it's having an impact beyond just the bedroom. It's as though it's this huge elephant in the room that I'm constantly having to step around and scoop up the poop for. I'm doing my best to be supportive, but I find that I'm reaching the point that I'm constantly thinking very snarky thoughts and fighting the urge to say something ugly at any given moment because I want to lash out at him. I'm hoping that being able to get back into my exercise routine now that the holidays are over will help me ease some of my tension. (The pool I use was closed for two weeks for Christmas) Or at least I'll be able to tire myself out so much that I won't even think about it.

Tuxgirl you aren't alone- so many can relate to the same frustrations it's weird to have to reverse the roles I am too prideful when it comes to asking for intimacy I don't want to come across as needy It's like night an day compared to the man I knew prior to this problem

Kmann, I know exactly what you mean about being prideful. After a while I think we reach a point where we feel as though all we're doing is whining and acting like some clingy, needy girlfriend that can't function on her own. It's not that I want to be needy and want to pressure my spouse into a situation where he will fail, I just want to know that he still wants to be with me sexually. I've always tried my very best to be a creative, imaginative and open sex partner to my spouse, but these days I even have my doubts about that. After so many years of this now I have doubts about almost everything I do in our marriage. Eventually this shreds a woman's self-esteem and creates so much self-doubt. And, I constantly wonder if this is because of something I said or did over the years of our relationship. Honestly joining this forum was tough for me. I've never been much of a venting type female - I've always been more like a man in that respect. I don't want to talk something to death. I want to fix it and I'm finding this is something I haven't been able to fix and it frustrates me to no end.

Its been almost a year since my husband and I have had sex because of his ED. He was diagnosed six months ago with type 2 diabeties, which we now know caused the ED. He has gotten 2 prescriptions but only tried them knowingly with me once, and it didnt help. If I get upset or try to talk about it, I am not being patient. Sometimes I convince myself that I can totally live with occassional touching, but then other times I am just so lonely. We have been together for 25 years, married for 21 of those. I dont know if I could ever go through with having an affair, but what I wouldnt give for even a good make-out session! I ~ like most ED wives I have read posts from ~ do not believe my husband is having an affair, but man can I get jealous now when he talks to or goes to lunch with other women. Sometimes I get so angry with him, and yet even then I dont bring it up because I know he will throw the not being patient line at me again. I dont like the person I am becoming, and I dont know how much more I can take. On the other hand ~ due to religous, economic, and insurance reasons I do not know if I could leave him either. This is certainly a situation I was not ever considering being in..

edwife:

Your husband is a newbie at the diabetes game.

If he's already experiencing ED issues with it, he's probably had it for some time and just didn't know it. I only found out I was diabetic 11 years ago after a bad case of the flu and a lingering secondary bacterial infection that wouldn't go away. If I hadn't had that infection I'd probably still not know - I had no other symptoms that I could put my finger on except I had begun healing more slowly than I previously did.

And, no, my husband doesn't understand much at all about diabetes except that my blood sugar drops scare the bejesus out of him.

We've both learned to cope with the inconveniences of my disease, but our low libidio and ED issues were actually showing up prior to my diagnosis. I've got a sneaking suspicion that our lousy sex life probably helped me eat myself into T2D, eating for the wrong reasons and I still catch myself doing it, especially when my ego and self-esteem are taking a beating.

You might try reminding your husband that sex and intimacy don't have to be one and the same, reminding him that you miss him and mention that sexual activity, even if it does not include actual intercourse is actually good for the blood sugar levels.

I'm now trying that one on my husband, just a little in reverse, that it will help my blood sugar levels and the intimate activities might be helpful to increasing his testosterone levels. Hey, it's worth a shot and it seemed to help some last night. No intercourse, but some very, very nice intimate time for a change.

Glad to hear that Tux!

Thank you for your advice Tuxgirl.

Because of this these threads I actually went to the doctor who recommended a blood test. The test revealed that my cholestrol level had risen to 6 when 5 and below. He gave me a prescription for Cialis (4 of them) that I had a choice to take before sex, but really the main thing was the cholestrol which can narrow the blood vessels. All Cialis does is relax the blood vessels. Fortunately my heart was perfect and no blood pressure problems.

I wish we could just have other sex but the main thing for my wife seems to be IC. I can think of hundreds of things to spice it up but I know that IC is important to her.

Sorry I meant 5 and below for cholestrel is acceptable. I have practically given up chocolate, butter and marg and nearly all hard cheese to get it back down under 5. Presumably this will cure the ED.

My wife is a bit concerned about the Cialis as she loves me and doesn't want any harm to come to me. There can be side affects apparently. I haven't used it yet so don't know what to expect. Seems a bit false to take one and then to ask for sex a half hour later.

I wished she see it as Tuxgirl sees it.

Anyway I am at the end of my Doctors advice apart from going back in three months to see if my cholestrel level has gone down. I hadn't a clue that I had that problem.

I haven't noticed any side effects from Cialis yet. Been taking it for a few months now. I have noticed that my weight lifting routine is much better on the days that I take the pills. Probably from the reason you stated.

Do you take it all the time Bubbabiker?

Maybe I am worrying too much but I have been reading a lot about the downside concerning side affect. If I use it I would only do it half hour before.