So she goes to therapy so shes willing on communicating through counseling but is she willing to do any form of intimate activity. A simple walk together with no interruption. Just the two of you? Is that something you would both enjoy?

oh this sounds so familiar except we have 3 kids but our first two are 16mos apart. The fact that she is doing therapy shows she is interested in working on it. I wouldn't be overly pushy but show her you want to spend time together. Kids can take a toll especially when small our 3rd was born when our oldest was just 4 so 3 under 5 strained us!

If she feels buried, taking some of the child care work off of her might help. Don't ask.....just pick up around the house, do laundry, make dinner. If there's a chore she really doesn't care for (like giving the kids baths), you can take over that.

After dinner, that can be her time to destress and your time to bond with the kids. And sell it like that......your time to bond with the kids.

Or maybe she likes that time (sometimes just sitting in the bathroom is a break) and you can get the kitchen and rest of the house cleaned up while she's doing that.

It's not "what" you do. It's the fact that you're not waiting to be asked (how would you feel if she never fed the kids until you asked her???), and that you're selling this as "you're both in this together".

Try spending just a few minutes several times a day, just holding her. Nuzzle. At a time when sex isn't even possible, just tell her how great it feels to be close. Without words, try communicating your appreciation and love for her.

And remember 99% of communication is nonverbal. Don't believe me? Try saying "I love you" in a sarcastic tone, playful tone, deep serious tone, hateful tone. Which meant more? The words or tone?

Best of luck, the preschool years did in my marriage,
Patti

Thanks Pat, unfortunatly im well past all that... Ive taken on a huge rol with the kids and the house, and to be honest that was never lacking... She feels the "passion" is gone, that i wasn't paying enough attention to her, which she is right, we both weren't paying enough attention to each other.. it was kids kids kids, even my daughter comes into our bed in the middle of the night between us... in her mind its to late.. ;o( She is shut down, asked for seperation, i can't love her like I do.. I can't hold her, kiss her, she wont even get dressed infront of me. We sleep in seperate beds and it kills me... Im still doing, still being a husband and father, but im starting to feel i have to walk away for it all a bit at the hopes maybe she will miss me... But its hard for me, im not built that way, I love her and my family and want to be there everyday for her and the kids...

You are trying to reconcile, is she adult enough to understand that kids ruin a great romance?
Children come first, not at the expense of the marriage but they are the priority much much more often than not.

I hope the best for your family

Unfortunatly right now she doesn't seem to get the big picture... She is hung up on resentment, feeling that the loss of passion means our marriage is broken beyond repair. She is on a very selfish and self center agenda to be an individual, to not need me, to be alone. I can't understand it.. I can't fully explain it. It is emotionally beating me down. Im conflicted now as i want to be with her, I want my family whole, I love her dearly, She is my world, but i dont know how long i can take this, Part of me wants to give up, part of me feels i need to stick by her through this... but at what point to I give up...

The problem is she has already given up. Once one of the parties in the relationship has made up their mind you can't convince them otherwise. Her email to you couldn't have been more clear. You have to think of yourself now, and our kids. She has taken herself out of the equation. I think you should consider the possibility she has her eyes on someone else, as painful as that is. My ex wife did the exact same thing. It royally sucks. The objective now should be making sure you survive it and be a great father to your kids. Realistically breaking tradition and leaving early without discussing with her first doesn't solve anything as your kids are involved in that. I get why you did it but the kids need to come first, not making a point.
Good luck, it's a rough road ahead believe me I know. But if she's checked out you need to accept it and move forward healing.

This is a tough situation. I've been following your other posts in regards to this.
First off you ask for advice, and then you seem so stuck on the advice others give you.
I can relate, my wife left me 3 months ago to this day for another guy. We have 2 kids and it makes me angry that we all have to go through this because she couldn't have been bothered to try and work it out.
Ultimately I also hate feeling like I'm trapped by my circumstances and have decided to not get hung up on her and what has happened.
Not to say I don't miss her or read into some of the things she does, because I do. I also feel like you in that I think it could have worked if we both really gave it an honest shot. The long and short of it is that she was over me, totally 100% done. It stings like hell and makes me sad beyond comprehension. I want her back and I want my family whole no differently than you do, I just understand that it's not going to happen and have chosen to do what's best for myself and my children.
The first thing you and her need to do is decide who is staying in the house. Try to stay, don't give up the grounds yet. If you can, ask her to move out. This will give you the needed to space to start to heal and this is important.
Secondly make an appointment to see a therapist if you haven't already.
Also come to terms with your part in the failure of the marriage. All things to do with her part in the failure is moot at this point as it's out of your control.
Next, hit the gym! Get some exercise, it will help you clear your head when you get stuck on thoughts. I know it's helped me and in three short months I'm actually in better shape than I have ever been before.
Next understand that we are all on our own journey in life and your stbx is now on her own and it doesn't include you. It's tough I know, but realising that you are also on your own journey you can start to choose to make changes to improve your life. I promise it will get better.
Lastly choose this, like really choose it. This is 100% out of your control and no amount of circular thinking is your head or anywhere else will change what it going on, so choose it as it is and as it isn't because it is a choice!
Also feel the emotions when they come up. Dive right in, do not push them down. Feel it and cry, sit with them as they come up. This will help you to cope with them so they do not come to smack you in the face later.
I'm not saying let go and get over her, cause I know I'm not either. I'm saying there are things that are within your control that will help you to cope and handle this with grace and dignity. Don't beg her anymore, remain stoic like you don't give a damn even though deep down you do. Begging and pleading will just push her farther away.
Oh and one more thing and this is a tough one. Deal with the anger and resentment as they come up in a positive way, do not let it get the better of you and do not lash out at her. Deal with it and then choose not to remain that way. Too many people choose to dwell with those feelings and it leads only leads to further personal misery.
Anyway, good luck man and I hope you start to feel better. It will get easier, I promise with all my heart. Also know that you are not alone, that the heartbreak you are going through is very similar to what many of us are or have been through. See this as an opportunity and not a loss and you will come out the other side a better man!

Thank you all, I whole honestly appreciate all the advice, I know at times it seems like im not following it, You all know how hard it is. She gives me these moments of hope, its why i hold on... She worried about me last night when I didn't answer and wasn't home... if she is done why bother... just let me be... I came home and she couldn't wait to tell me about her day and her job... Why? Her Moms birthday dinner is in 2 weeks and she wants me to go Why? She is having a minor surgery in march and wants me there by her side... Why?? She still doing my laundry?? Why?? She goes food shopping and picks up things she knows I like... Why??? in therapy when asked what she wants, if she wants seperation, or to work on the marriage, if she wants to see someone for communicatoin, or see someone to help seperate, she asked if she could think about it... Why??? We had people over the house sat night, we prepped for it togther, she sat on the couch next to me, her arm on my leg... Why??? There's lots more of these stupid little examples... If she is done with me... then be done with me? I get angry and can't hold on to it... short while goes by and I just get sad again... I know I can't control her, I know this is her doing... But my entire life is being destroyed and I can't do anything about it.

Why?? Because you are allowing it. Plain and simple. She told you she's done. She's told you don't bother replying to her email. She had told you in black and white yet you look for these glimmers of hope. The longer you hang around with her and let her remain comfortable the easier it is for her and the harder it is for you.
You are getting great advice. If you want to eventually heal you'll listen to people who have experienced what you are going through and are further along. If you want to remain stuck with someone who has plainly told you she is done then keep doing what you're doing. I can 100% guarantee the way you are going about this will hurt you more. You are making this wayyy to easy for her. She knows what she's doing.

Wow that is tough and confusing. I get why you would be confused.
Tell her you need space and that the indecision is not healthy for you right now. But be prepared to see her walk away.
I just don't think relationship limbo is healthy. She needs to shit or get of the pot.
I think you need to take back your power.
I don't know actually. This is a tough one because I know you don't want to feel like you messed it up more.
Have you discussed this with your therapist and if so, what do they say?

I am honestly hoping, for your sake, I am wrong.
I am thinking about the time she is healed from her cosmetic surgery that you signed a loan agreement for, she will not be as nice to you. I honestly hope I am wrong. She does seem done with the marriage.
I am so sorry, as I said, I hope I am Wrong!!!!

My husband does the same thing. It is very confusing and I dont know why other than I dont think they really know what they want except to have control over you it seems.

I've talked to two therapist. One being my own. The other our marriage counselor that I called and spoke to privately. Both say she seems conflicted. My own therapist thinks she is testing me. Her childhood dealing with abandonment of her father is making her defensive and fearful of me abandoning her so she is protecting herself in a way and seeing just how far she can take me. My therapist believes she may not even be aware that she is doing this and it's something she has to work out. Marriage counselor told me to keep doing what I'm doing and be patient. That her being conflicted is a good thing. It's like Ive said. She is going through something and is it right for me to jump ship? If she had cancer Id stick by her side. Problem is this is eating at me emotionally and how long can I hold on? I don't want to give up but at the same time it seems she wants me to? If I do does that mean I've abondoned her? It's all very confusing. I'm working with my therapist to get control of my emotions. Me crying is pushing her away more I'm not even sure why I can't stop it. I've always been a strong secure man but this has brought me to my knees. Losing her feels like in losing my entire world. Just very hard for me right now.

Well i think she is testing you as well but have you brought up in counseling what she wished her father would have done differently for her. Ive had abandoment issues myself and pushed people away from me. The only insight I could give you regarding this and your concern is to consider "do you feel capable of helping her convince herself hat she isnt going to be abandoned?" She has to convince herself but has this even been addressed in counseling to the point where she comes up with some form of exercise or tool that requires her to defeat this feeling. Is this the exercise you are both going through at this time?

You have a conflicting atmosphere. You have every right to be emotional. Perhaps its you who has been abandoned for the sake of her fears and you dont like the feeling. There is nothing wrong with your emotions. Hugs and take great care.