Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
So, My wife a month ago asked for seperation, i was stunned and crushed... We have still gone to therapy and over the last few weeks she has finally opened up to what she felt as issues. Loss of passion and feeling under my thumb... I started to do some sole searching and research online... Ive discovered a common problem, and one that i believe is text book our issue. 3 years ago we had our first child, life was amazing and our shared focus on our daughter was bliss... Surprise was my second child only 16 months later and in short time frame our world was turned upside down with 2 young kids. We both focused on them and lost sigh of each other. We didn't put anytime in to focus on us, and sex became quick when we had time and routine. ALone time and dates were rare and over time it erroded the perfect marriage we had. For my wife, well she is shutdown, and feels that she tried telling me things were lacking, I dont know if I just didn't hear it, or she didn't explain it right, but there was a miss communication regardless and now she is shut down and im desperate to save our marriage. Our last therapy session i mentioned some of this.. I said rightfully so, we had kids and focused on them and lost sigh of each other. All we need is time and refocus a little of it on us and we can easily restore the wonderful marriage we had. She doesn't seem so sure... Any suggestions on how i can proceed? I know I can't force her, but i wish there was a way i can prove to her things can and will be better. Im commited more then ever to never let this happen again, but i can't do it unless she is willing.
I'm sorry for you that she's already done her processing and is over it, treating it like nothing is wrong in some interactions with you and your family. Her acting "normal" when your world is torn apart certainly adds to the pain. I've been there. My ex just got back from another 10-day trip to FL with her guy, then wanted to take me to dinner with my son for my birthday. It is hard stuff.
As for the trip, I can sort of relate. My ex wants to take my 11-yo son to FL to meet her guy. He runs a sport fishing charter out of Marathon (Key West) and he wants to take my son shark fishing, etc. There is a certain amount of safety concern for me, but I have to ask if that is the primary concern, or if it is fear, insecurity or jealousy that makes me not want my son to go. To your point, it will be a fun and exciting experience for him, and should I take that away from him? After much consideration, I'm going to allow him to go, but will ask my ex for certain boundaries and safety parameters.
For your sanity and to begin your recovery and healing, I hope you ask her to leave the home as soon as possible. She can move in with her family until she finds a place. As long as she is sharing the home with you, and acting nonchalant, you will perceive mixed signals and your pain will be prolonged.
My sister did a FB invite for her 30th Birthday, its not till May 29th... My wife came home yesterday and tells me, she booked her mom to babysit that night so we can go to the party.... I said ok... but in my head im questioning why???? If we seperate, and especially legally seperate, I dont want her there... she shouldn't be there. Yet she arranged it so we both could be... I dont really understand it. I think im going to lay low for a few weeks... be distance when possible... True tests are coming... Easter with her entire family, Im not going to go unless she makes it clear she wants me there for her and us.... April 18th i have a counsins wedding.. I already RSVPed that only I would be going... she doesn't even know yet, and to be honest not sure she even cares... But im pretty sure the Trip in AUG im already not included.. so why the effort for mys sisters bday... I suspect she thinks my family will still be her family even if we divorce... Thats not going to happen... Right now they are all upset with her, but being normal and civil cause i asked them too... But once this becomes more official, then no more... My sister already told me if I dont want her there, she will tell her not to come. But the fact that she even wants to go, and thinks its normal and ok just blows my mind... I mean.. am I crazy here? Am i that blinded by all this that im reading her actions wrong? TO me her words are clear, but her actions aren't... and im getting tired of it.