waywardalchemist

So I put all my eggs in a basket with this last guy, Nakara.  It was just such a complex situation.  I can tell he is a genuinely kind, happy, open, sweet person.  But right away he started to pay...

i like to drink because I think too much.  people warn that it kills brain cells--i'm like, thank you, please!  i'm so much cooler when my brain cells are diminished to a certain level.....of...

Gratitude: I am grateful that I have this beautiful house in Thailand that I can afford without breaking my back.  Private, in nature, but close to the city.  It is old and beautiful and rustic and...

Another bender.  Monday night, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday *and* Friday.  I felt so sick today like I was dying.  Thank god I stopped.  I started using this "tinder" application, and since I...

I'm not ready to be around anyone drinking.  I need to start having discerning judgement.  I just let someone back in my lie who pushed me back into drinking, because they don't have any ambition...

uuughhhh.  i feel like drinking.  on the verge of drinking.  i need to stop myeslf.  it's been two weeks.  before that i had gone months.  i just don't have the resolve not to right now, it...

so i'm pulling myself out of this.  i was doing really well not drinking, and also before this binge I only drank twice in 5 months, and one of those times I actually drank in moderation and the...

not sure what i'm doing.  i had so many ambitions and then i startd drinking.  goodbye to my life.  i feel like i'm dying. 

This person just seems like a dead end, and yet I keep wanting to go that way.  I feel like I’ve already explored that road and found out there was nothing interesting, nothing good, that I...

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/06/26/opinion/sunday/can-you-get-over-an-addiction.html?smid=tw-share&_r=1found this article succinct and also with a sensible paradigm about addiction.  

so, i think i really am driven to drink by external circumstances.  duh, i'm sure many people say....but it isn't always so clear.  however, i reunited with a boy i had lived with here in thailand...

made it nearly four months without drinking. had one slip up that wasn't so bad and then yerstday i went on a binge.  balckouted.  acted crazy.  drank the next day.  now i'm nursing my hangover....

Also, for a long time now I have been meditating on all the reasons I don’t like alcohol and don’t want it in my life.  I enumerate the reasons over and over to myself about how the allure of...

9 days shy of going four months without drinking.  well, i drank last week.  one night.  didn't get to drunk didn't fuck up.  didn't want to drink when i woke up in the morning.  dare i say, i...

finally getting my grove.  i can do push ups again!  for the past few year i've always had to put my knees down when i did push ups or chaturunga in yoga....it's an important and amazing feeling to...