ok so this is interesting

9 days shy of going four months without drinking.  well, i drank last week.  one night.  didn't get to drunk didn't fuck up.  didn't want to drink when i woke up in the morning.  dare i say, i was tame.  i was with someone i love and we just enjoyed ourselves, a little before dinner, a little  bit of drinking after.  wow.  all of these months of clarity and ridding myself of the obsession of alcohol and thoroughly imprinting in my mind and soul how it is a dangerous poision, and relishing the effects of being sobert, healthy, and focused on other stuff not involving alcohol....and having probably two or three moments of gratitude throughout each sober day acknowledging how sweet it was to not have alcohol in my life, how freeing and strengthening it was...it helped me drink mindfully.  and you know what?  on that night, me sitting there watching others drink would have sucked.   path of least resistance i think.  but i don't plan on drinking for another three or four months, maybe not for years.  that was my free pass, i am going to say i have been sober for all these months, cause i really have....my mindset is changed, i'm in it for the long haul.  
 didn't even have a hangover the next day cause one, i didn't black out that night or go crazy or dirnk to extremes, and also i have been so healthy, super clean eating, exercise, relaxation, inspiration...my body could handle it.  
been dealing with some stuff though, thinking it through.....and coming up with unsatisfactory answers.