alantm
Status: just lost ...looked a lot..and no paths ..im lost
Mood:
Bad
Offline
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feeling like cuttingwhy just to mark what a total fuck up i am idont even have a blade hereso im even more of a fuck up yes im a total fucking fuck up i never did become anything .i just became...
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i saw a lot of people tonight that i used to know and it showed me how cripiled i am i am a lone .its my birthday but this day is so hard its like a reflection of how bad i have fallen.
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i know its my birthdayand a big one really but i am not well a few people are going out of thier way for me thats nice but i am not well all this ear pain and silence is really closing me downin...
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when i was a kid i was always looking for a mother sounds odd but i do remember when i saw someone now i would think ccould this bemy new mum i had a family so i dont know why i thought like that...
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so this is it no one called its as dead as i thought worse than i thoughtim ill and im deaf and i have pain walking .im off workand i am alone its not a good record at all
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i think all my family have forgotten my birthday is tomorrow hmmmmm
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4.40 am up ear pain :(
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if today was a win or a lose .i lose
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now im recoering im coming back to who i amand a few thoughts on cutting whybecause im hit with an empty world and a my turkish girl didnt even know my voice on the phoneanymore i feel...
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im not up to a long post of working all this out today im still ill with the cold thing a week now my2nd ear is hurtting now and i had to use ear drops in both something i am really trying not to...
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end of the day the crazy stuff is over no crying today felt a bit like it at times today feeling alone after all this wish i could be held now i went though all that and no arms so its lonley...
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just woke up.... 6.50am looking at the light bulb i thought it was a dreammy light was still on laptop on the floor still running i wasnt even in bed . i was just where i fell back on it !!!!my bed...
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today woke very early felt ok no hip pains thought wow but i am very ill with this cold my ears are blocked so i feel numb im not sure what im feeling went to town and my hips and leg strated...
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im back in my old job for tonight a replacment was ment to come tonight but he got canceled im not sure how i will be treated,but they need me for this job a few other jobs were canceled because i...
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did to posts with i's in line i cant edit them
dd