Effin wanker

I don’t know where to begin. I am so angry with him and I get the feeling he is angry with me. Fuck him. He wants me to feel….but only feel in session. Oh wait…that is a broad statement. He is fucking princess of the technicalities. He wants me to talk about my feelings in session. I try but struggle with that. I end up leaving then all my feelings pour out. So I call and say I don’t want to hurt so badly tonight. I am hurting because of something we talked about last week. He says to distract myself. So I can distract myself by eating/drinking/drugs. So they hurt me down the road. I want to die. For fucks sake there really isn’t much of a point now is there? No point in living. I offer nothing in this world. He is pissing me off. Asshole. I don’t know what I am supposed to do. I don’t know what I am asking of him. He is being such a dick. I was upset with him because we were going in circles and I thanked him for calling, said goodbye, and hung up. He called me back and said “we must have been cut off”. He knew I hung up. I told him I hung up and that I said goodbye before I did. Asshole just wanted to get the last word in. It is all futile at this point. So…someday I will have the strength to finally end my life. Meanwhile I will make some small steps in preparation. I want to write some letters. Even if I will be dying I still want to lose weight….will be easier for the coroner to move me and shit. I need ti pack up donation boxes. Maybe rehome the cat. He really is an asshole.