The razor blade in the kitchen is so tempting. I haven't cut myself in years. I haven't done more than poked myself with a tack, slap my legs with a riding crop or snap my wrist with a rubber band.
I'm trapped in my fucked up life and my fucked up job. If I take time off whether it be for vacation or for medical treatment I won't meet my quota. I am on edge all the time. I don't want to die but maybe I don't have a choice. I am thinking that maybe I will tidy up some things here. Close some accounts, get in my car and drive.
I'm trapped in my fucked up life and my fucked up job. If I take time off whether it be for vacation or for medical treatment I won't meet my quota. I am on edge all the time. I don't want to die but maybe I don't have a choice. I am thinking that maybe I will tidy up some things here. Close some accounts, get in my car and drive.
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I can\'t go out on disability. I will lose my job. A grant pays my salary and I wish I had never taken the job. The pressure is constant. I have gained so much weight that I can\'t work as a floor nurse anymore (not that I want to) because I can\'t be on my feet all day. I am always afraid I will lose my job either because I am not handling the pressure well or I am not documenting right. Lilly...I am to chicken to die...don\'t worry about that. I want to run away. You are strong. You made it through the whole disability process. That takes strength. If I lose my insurance I lose my therapist. I just can\'t get my bearings. My plan is to just shut down for a little while. Go dead inside.
Now reading this, I am wondering if looking for a new job with less pressure and no quota\'s is in quick need. Its too much pressure for you. Maybe a job at a hospital where they do reminders or check in patients. I have a friend who was a nurse and now works at St Francis checking in patients and taking them to the proper floor or doctor for check in and she loves it. She was making more money before but the stress was too much and now she loves her new job, gave up nursing. Just a thought.
Disability is a tricky thing. If you were to get laid off you would get unemployment while you claimed disability (as long as you did not tell SSDI), but if you quit you get no unemployment . I hope things get easier for you