I didn't leave the apartment today. I am so alone and so sad. I was supposed to get together with friends but the plans were cancelled. To be  honest I wasn't really disappointed. I barely have a life. I don't want this life yet I can't leave it or improve it. All I do is eat, watch TV and be on the computer.
I want to hurt myself. Make visible the internal pain. I am such a loser. Pathetic. Useless. Unwanted. Unlovable.
I feel helpless to change anything. I never wanted this life. I suppose I never had too many dreams of what life I would like to have. I was beaten down by the time I was 10.
I'm not sure how much longer I can do this.