gettingintune
Status:
Mood:
Ok
Offline
- this year has been wild....2016 that is 2015...arguably..the worst f**king year of my life...but 2016...something is different i am differentso many shifts in my thoughts and perceptions. more distance from the past every day for me. thats a good...
- vulnerability?as I've been posting over the last few weeks, each week brings some new perception...some new focus , that i had previously lacked.this week... ta da ..vulnerabilityanyone ever read Brenee Brown? Great stuff. She writes alot about...
- what a month...each week i seem to notice a change in myself...they way i think about things... weeks ago, i finally felt true distance from the past and triggers and mind movies.... a week past that, i started feeling "acceptance" of the past...ie...
- over the last few weeks, I've noticed major shifts in my thinkingthis weekend, i realized that when..(if) i think about the affairs....its a similar feeling of remembering someone who has passed..... at first...shock..sadness..anger..//the stages...
- what still bothers me these days..... 14 month past dday..isn't the affairs...or the memories or triggersit's not even that i chose to stay and work on reconcilingits no longer a question of "can i survive?" because i HAVE survived. I'm still...
- so, in interesting shift seems to have occurred for me near the end of last weekThe EMDR certainly helped reduce the amount of emotional distress that would come up from memories or triggers...but of course the memories are still therelast week, i...
- been posting quite a bit here these last weeksreally not in a very positive state of mindon way home from work, i was thinking about my anger, my fear...my inability to accept my position in reconciling.... because accepting...to me, still smells of...
- thinking about why do they whys matter....and what was she getting from them that she didnt get from meon the way home from a meeting last evening, i was asking myself why am i back obsessing about the WHYS...the reasons...she did what she did..it...
- e both started counseling not to long after ddayi started CBT and Sanon meetings. She started SA meetings... then she started IC as well, then we started MC, and during that , i started DBTanyways..the point being...a lot of professional counseling...
- over this year and change past DDAY, my wife and i have talked...alot...more then we ever talked before. each night, early on after dday, once the kids were down, we'd go outside, have a drink and smoke and talk.... lots of emotional stuff from both...
- sometimes I'm ok sometimes I'm anything but ok this last month....not ok keep going back to the past...keep asking why.... memories flood back into my head.... details she told me... locations...emotions start up again..but not as intense as before,...
- today is wife's bday.... i have this all encompassing feeling of sadness I'm carrying around. I'm afraid of what thoughts are going to come into my head today..... I'm afraid what "memories" I'm going to see on Facebook that will tale me back.......
- a little over a year past dday lots of therapy for both of us lots of work jan was a good month feb not so much my wife has been very low for the last few weeks, very emotional. she is also at the beginnings of menopause and starting bio identical...
- wa hoobeen demoted from weekly individual sessions with my EMDR/EFT guy to every other week as I'm doing so much bettermy wife and i also switched from weekly MC sessions to every other week, and now we are going to do monthly.i feel good i feel...
- what is the difference between cognitive dissonance and ...not getting triggered.... or having memories, but not experience or reexpereince the emotions that once were attachedits not like i live in denial about what happenedi know what...