Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group
A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.
this year has been wild....2016 that is
2015...arguably..the worst f**king year of my life...but 2016...something is different
i am different
so many shifts in my thoughts and perceptions.
more distance from the past every day for me. thats a good thing
these last few weeks, the thing that has been on my mind, hasn't been my journey during this year plus post dday...but my mind has been thinking of my wife's journey.
i find myself thinking "wow..i know i was a total wreck..shell...nervous breakdown...suicidal ideations... million hours of therapy...etc" thru 2015...and to quote Elton John "I'm still standing" (yes, i know Elton didn't write the lyrics)
but I'm thinking about my wife experience this last year
her realizing the impact of what she did....did herself...to me...to her family...our kids...
having her live every day with me...not knowing which person I'm going to be from day to day....from hour to hour....
i was thinking about how difficult and courageous is was for her to tell the truth that dec 19 2015 when i confronted her...and she came clean about 8 APs.... and over the weeks...answered every bloody question i put to her
have been thinking how horrible she must have felt in order to rationalize those decisions of the past and jumping into bed w these APs.... still don't understand it....but all i can assume is she must have been in a pretty horrible state of mind emotional, spiritual and mentally
have been thinking of marriage before the As happen..she started behavior in SEPT 2013... and the 3 year before that...we really didn't have much of a marriage.... focused on raising toddler twins... me recovering from 6 surges in 4 years....and me being in constant pain and on constant pain killers for those 4 years...
im not excusing anything
im not trying to see it thru her eyes
i just find myself feeling empathy for her journey pre affair...during affair and post affair
weird huh?
2015...arguably..the worst f**king year of my life...but 2016...something is different
i am different
so many shifts in my thoughts and perceptions.
more distance from the past every day for me. thats a good thing
these last few weeks, the thing that has been on my mind, hasn't been my journey during this year plus post dday...but my mind has been thinking of my wife's journey.
i find myself thinking "wow..i know i was a total wreck..shell...nervous breakdown...suicidal ideations... million hours of therapy...etc" thru 2015...and to quote Elton John "I'm still standing" (yes, i know Elton didn't write the lyrics)
but I'm thinking about my wife experience this last year
her realizing the impact of what she did....did herself...to me...to her family...our kids...
having her live every day with me...not knowing which person I'm going to be from day to day....from hour to hour....
i was thinking about how difficult and courageous is was for her to tell the truth that dec 19 2015 when i confronted her...and she came clean about 8 APs.... and over the weeks...answered every bloody question i put to her
have been thinking how horrible she must have felt in order to rationalize those decisions of the past and jumping into bed w these APs.... still don't understand it....but all i can assume is she must have been in a pretty horrible state of mind emotional, spiritual and mentally
have been thinking of marriage before the As happen..she started behavior in SEPT 2013... and the 3 year before that...we really didn't have much of a marriage.... focused on raising toddler twins... me recovering from 6 surges in 4 years....and me being in constant pain and on constant pain killers for those 4 years...
im not excusing anything
im not trying to see it thru her eyes
i just find myself feeling empathy for her journey pre affair...during affair and post affair
weird huh?
(You don't have to read it, but it's a pretty short article about how empathy from doctors helps patients heal...)
http://www.nextavenue.org/healing-power-empathy/
The more I study and learn, the more I realize that empathy and mindfulness are as powerful as any drug combo known to man. These are tools that, when used properly, can completely change mind, body and spirit.
My husband and I are each (and together) living proof.
I guess what doesn't break you makes you stronger. Good insight.