blonde5224

i was having a terribly hard day today. i'm not sure why. maybe cus friday will be 10 months. it's been so hard. such a long road. an ongoing battle every day. i wish i could at least feel like me...

I'm sad today. I'm always a mess the day BEFORE the month mark for some reason.  Well tomorrow is 9 months. How miserable. 9 months in my life of now CJ and it's not a day easier.  I just found my...

i was thinking of how in life you hear horror stories of loved ones winding up in ditches... but you never think you will know what that's like. you think how terrible it would be but you don't...

i still am heartbroken. i'm so messed up. i watch my friends move on and fall in love and be happy. i want to be happy for them. but i can't. in my mind i know i'm so screwed up i'll never find...

i don't know how things got this bad... i was doing well for so long. i hadn't cried in a while and i was comfortable with where i was at... but lately it's all been rushing back. i cry every night...

it's never ending. bad things are never stop happening. my friend hung himself this morning. and one of my best friends... the kid's brother... found him. he was never a depressed person. he was 25...

i don't even have the energy to explain the emptiness and numbness i feel right now. in 2 and half hours it will be the exact time a year ago that CJ died... right next to me. and at the time i was...

why me? why him? why us? i just wanna scream! i miss him!!!!!!! i'm angry and sad and miserable. i just want to go back. why can't i go back. why can't i runaway? why couldn't i go with him? it's not...

the dreaded day is coming. it came so quick. how could one year almost be here? how could it possibly be one year since i saw his beautiful smile or heard his silly laugh. how could it be one year...

CJ's birthday..... "23" but he's still 22 to me... forever. my 22 year old crazy angel. the boy who stole my heart. made me fall in love. the only one whoever got me. understood me. loved me for who...

having a very rough night. i keep thinking about CJ's birthday coming up on tuesday. he'd be 23. my baby. i want so badly for him to be back here. i've been having a rough time lately. i don't know...

i was having a terribly hard day today. i'm not sure why. maybe cus friday will be 10 months. it's been so hard. such a long road. an ongoing battle every day. i wish i could at least feel like me...

I'm sad today. I'm always a mess the day BEFORE the month mark for some reason.  Well tomorrow is 9 months. How miserable. 9 months in my life of now CJ and it's not a day easier.  I just found my...

a mess again. i'm starting to think i can't do this anymore. they say time heals but i have not seen those results. if possible things have gotten worse. i feel like there is so much pain pressing...

i'm a little messed up right now. every time i see a movie about a car crash or with a car crash it messes with my head and i can't pull out of it. see CJ there are some things that no one else...