i'm a little messed up right now. every time i see a movie about a car crash or with a car crash it messes with my head and i can't pull out of it. see CJ there are some things that no one else understands except me and you. and there are feelings that no one else knows except me and you. and there are things i can tell no else but .. you. and when i begin to think about all this stuff i feel so lost because i don't know who to turn to now that you're gone. i need you. i need to talk to you. it's like your a million miles away with no service on your nextel and no other way to reach you. i don't know what to do sometimes. who do i turn to now? no one else understands. when i get lost in these feelings i don't know what to do. i just want to feel normal again. instead i always feel lost and doomed. i think it's never going to go away this feeling that swallows me whole sometimes. this misery. i haven't felt normal since you left. and i think about that night and it fucks with my head. i think about where things went wrong and what could have been done to change everything or anything. i'm so shakey all the time. i never know when i'm just gonna breakdown because of a song or a place or even just thinking about you gone. and when those tears start to well up in my eyes i feel so helpless. i feel so lost without you. i wish there were someway for you to be here and help me when i fall apart. but instead i sit in my room and cling to a memory of some distant time when you made me smile and when i can really recall being happy. and then i just sit and wonder if i'll ever get there again.i miss you. <3 forever.