blonde5224

i'm just trying to get better. trying to move in a positive direction. but i'm scared to lose him. i don't want positive things to mean that i forget everything that happened in 2007. i'm afraid for...

MY FAMILY MAKES ME SOOOOOOOOOOOOO MAD.  my mom actually put a barrier in front of my door tonight so i couldn;t get out! it makes me want to scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm not a FUCKING...

happiness has escaped me. i tried fighting off the misery but it doesn't work. it's stronger than me and i am so miserable. whenever things got bad CJ would come around and fix them or make me smile....

there's this kid... and he has CJ's eyes. and he jokes around like CJ. he is nowhere near as amazing not even close to the person CJ was. but something about him, little things remind me of CJ. and...

this is something i can't tell my family or friends because they will only worry or try to make it not true.. when it is very real and very true... in the past few months i have dreamnt so many...

i miss my boy. i miss you so much babe. not much else to say.. just that i miss you and i hope you're happy up there. that's the most i can ask for.. is that somewhere you're safe and free from pain...

every time i have to drive alone at night... when it's really late... it makes me think of the accident. i couldn't stop thinking about it tonight. it was all just flashing through my mind.. just...

6 months. it's a strange day. half a year without him? so weird. so strange. but i know i feel him with me today. what i thought would be my worst day so far has turned out to be an ok day. he played...

almost 6 months. i can hear everything you once said to me. i can hear you promise me we would get married and have kids. i can hear the words you would sing to me. i can hear your laugh that was so...

why can't the good moments last for more than a couple hours. i feel so dizzy. like i'm running in circles trying to find a way to fix this. i want someone to fix me. I WANT CJ TO COME BACK!! with...

i want to be ok today. i feel CJ with me somehow today. his presence is following me around i just know it.i went to his best friend's wedding on sunday. it was one of the most distinct things i...

i put it all off. all out of my mind.. the best i can. i don't embrace it. i don't accept it. i don't think about it. and then all at once in a weak moment it all falls upon me and crushes me to the...

cj my love stick by me. don't let me fall apart now i feel like i have finally begun to make progress.. but i think tonight maybe i just need to cry. i have been holding back for too long. i need you...

i can't i can't i can't. i just need him back. i can't do it. i just can't. it hurts so bad all the time. we were going to get married. it hurts i can't handle this pain. it's so eternal. i can never...

it's so weird to be the person who lost someone. i never thought i would be in this position. you don't think about mortality when you are only 20 years old. but i guess there is no real age for...