Thor2008

Today I am back down at the innovation cell, and everything is unclassified.  So I am working on my work emails and personal all at the same time.  Large conference this week on a new procedure to...

Story about how the Air Force has no idea how to help cut the suicide rate.  I have personally written two letters to parents of suicide victims under my command, and I have also attempted suicide....

I Spent today at the SOF (Special Operations Forces) Innovation Cell (it's not named that but that is a good description). Neat place, it is an old warehouse downtown with not even the place's name...

Today I am working at an innovation cell and most of the place is unclassified.  That means finally I can work with my cell phone next to me.  Out of the few times in my career this has happened....

Came down from the mania and into depression as usual.  I started to feel tired on Sunday finally and slept for about 14 hours straight.  Woke up with a feeling of doom, but that is sort of me any...

So back in Mania again.  Went in ago three days.  Say the Doc today and was scared hospital being taken.  He talked with me I and I feel better but there is then the dropp off in depression.  I...

Last year, I had terrible insomnia. I would sleep 3-4 hours a night for most of 2018. This is shorter to the typical amount I got when I was in the Service. So I guess I have been sleep deprived for...

Night again.  I always get so lonely at night.  You lay there in the dark waiting for sleep to take you.  I sleep little, so I get up to do some work or putter on the computer.  But at night is...

A year ago, I checked myself into a psychiatric hospital.  I was at the end and needed to be locked up to stay my hand.  They watched me 24/7 every three minutes to make sure I was still among the...

In the military, they told us to get help is you need it, and it will all be confidential and that they can not use your request for help against you.  Pretty much everything is BS in that...

I had my first appointment with my psychiatrist. The "Walrus" is my code word for him so the wife and I can talk about it without anyone knowing what we are talking about. We came up this because my...

Turned 51 the other day.  Not a few remembered.  Interesting to get a card from the wife, but she purchases very expensive jewelry and then tells me this can be her present for her birthday....

Can you forgive the person that heaped scorn upon you daily, and told you that you were guilty often?  I committed suicide because of this person.  I just wanted out.  Can I forgive myself for...

I have lost my battle with my shoulder.  Hurt it back in 2013 in the middle east. In 2018, I had numerous surgeries to fix a broken heart along with high voltage electroshock.  Each time I went in...

Everyone, this day is one of the hardest days of the year for a veteran. We see this day to remember our fallen comrades. Those that never came home. Many knew the faces of fallen, many of them...