Mania Again

So back in Mania again.  Went in ago three days.  Say the Doc today and was scared hospital being taken.  He talked with me I and I feel better but there is then the dropp off in depression.  I dread that day.  It is about three dyas as my epidosed last about five to seven.  Drugs have made me less impulsive but I am doing still things that I shouldn't and I do not care about the circumstancces  Doc gave he a sleep drug a benzo (tried suicded whit that last time)  but he said one pill will sleep pretty much all adults.  I am taking two and can goes as high as four.

It is hard to think straight now as my thoughts just race around the tremors wont' stop in my hands.  And of course the wife doesn't understand, nor would help.  I as essentially alone with no system support. 

Won't go to hospital.  Would end my job.  So that is out and what really they do?  You sit around and stair at the wall for 6-8 hours a day.  ER and Psych wards do not help but hinder.