Forgiveness
Can you forgive the person that heaped scorn upon you daily, and told you that you were guilty often? I committed suicide because of this person. I just wanted out. Can I forgive myself for the guilt?
Can you forgive the person that heaped scorn upon you daily, and told you that you were guilty often? I committed suicide because of this person. I just wanted out. Can I forgive myself for the guilt?
Replies
You're alive, so I would assume you "tried to commit suicide." It depends on the person, their relationship to you, if they're in your daily life and what the circumstances were at the time.
Have they changed? Have you changed? What part did your Mental Illness play in it and how has that changed?
Forgiveness is not an quick and easy thing, and a lot depends on the circumstances.....it takes some thinking through.
Generally though we don't try to commit suicide because of someone else, it's because what we think we can or cannot handle. And generally life is much easier to deal with when Forgiveness is present....it doesn't mean you forget and it doesn't mean you can always have a relationship with that person, but letting go of the past and giving yourself forgiveness for past issues tends to clear the clutter from the mind.
The person added to everything else going on, and it really showed how bleak and unbearable the future would. This person capped it all of. I feel rage and anger about it. I do know how to forgive at this point.
My mental illness did contribute, I stayed depressed for weeks when I went into a manic state it caused a lot of tension. This person always saw me as healthy, strong and stable. My illness caused all of those qualities to crater and this caused a great amount of uncertainty and stress. I was on the receiving end of that anger. This person knows that I am the provider and if I am not there, this person will not be able to live the life they want.
Suicide attempt. The language seems to be inadequate in the description. I suggest three levels - attempted (all actions up to the act, committed (committed all actions, but was unsuccessful), successful suicide (death). I'm in the middle category, I "committed" but was discovered by someone coming home too soon. I was to have several hours, but it was just a few minutes. Went to the hospital to have stomach pumped, charcoal, and lots of valium... then, of course, locked up for four days. I am lucky that I got out, complemented by a lot of lying on my part.
In medical jargon, we use "attempted suicide" and "completed suicide". If you look up the definitions for "commit" or "committed" neither actually work when it comes to a person attempting or completing suicide.
To "commit' means "to bind or obligate, as by pledge or assurance" most people who are in a Suicidal frame of mind do not have the Mental of Psychological faculties to understand that. They're simply looking for a way to make the pain stop, and not let it come back, 78% of people who attempt Suicide never even fully think through the completion of the action, never consider the finality of it...their focus is on ending the constant emotional suffering, not per se their lives.
There is some interesting Research being done on why the majority of people who attempt Suicide, don't actually die. It centers around the strength of the brain and subconscious and a person's true Will to Live, i.e. people in severe emotional pain don't really want to die, they just want the pain to stop and they don't know another way to do it. Its compelling reading and makes a lot of sense.
I know personally in the last 30 years I have 5 BiPolar Suicide attempts in my history, I also know that I never wanted to leave my sons and not see them grow up, never wanted to hurt them....but at the time I couldn't find any other way out of the constant depression and emotional torture that my brain put me through 24/7. Now I'm still alive, so my attempts failed, 1 came very, very close....but here I am and quite glad that I did not succeed.